Page 58 of Run

“Yeah, so what does this mean?” I said.

“I ran from you, Vincent. But I was running from myself, too,” she said.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Gia?”

“That’s supposed to mean that I always told myself I was better than my mother, better than those women like her.”

“Your mother was a saint.”

“Yeah, one who looked away from all sin.”

“Doesn’t everybody?”

She smiled then, the expression amused, but not exactly humorous.

“Do you know for all the shit Santo did, all the stuff we heard about him, he kept our world completely sheltered? I knew nothing of life when I left here.”

“But you do now?” I said.

“Probably not, but I know something, something I probably ignored, or tried to. But something I can’t help but accept now.”

I narrowed my eyes again, hoping I was hearing what I was hearing, but unable to believe it, not yet.

“And what’s that?” I asked.

“I met some great people out there, good people.”

“Bad ones too?” I asked.

I didn’t let myself think about Giovanna out there alone, in that horrible world. She always said that I looked down on her, but I knew that what she said was true. She and Daniela had been sheltered, and to think about her out there vulnerable, at the mercy of who knew what and how was something I couldn’t really fathom.

“Obviously some bad ones. And coming back here only helped me realize what I should have all along.”

And then I let myself hope that hope I hadn’t been able to completely squelch. So instead of asking, I simply stayed silent, waiting.

“I have something that I never should have tossed away. I’m never going to be able to make that up to you, Vincent. Never going to be able to give you back the years that I took with my selfishness and stupidity, but I want to try.”

“What does ‘try’ mean, Gia?” I said.

“I’m going to stay. I want to stay with you because I love you,” she said.

My heart lifted, but I pushed it back down.

“Giovanna, a lot has happened. Stay here with Daniela and think. Decide what you want to do,” I said, the bland answer so at odds with my wild-rushing emotions.

“Are you saying you don’t love me?” she asked.

“Don’t be stupid,” I said.

“What does that mean?”

“Giovanna, I’ve loved you forever, and that’s not ever going to change,” I said.

“But?”

She looked at me, her eyes bright, her expression patient.

“But I’m not gonna let you fuck my head up any more than it already is. You say you’ll stay now, but you’ll change your mind,” I said.

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