Page 50 of Run

Sixteen

Giovanna

Vincent wasn’t sleeping, but I wasn’t either.

It seemed a waste, a terrible one, to spend these moments with him on something as mundane as sleep. This was all I would have, would have to be enough to last forever, and I wouldn’t be so stupid as to spend it so callously.

And even though we hadn’t spoken, I thought he felt the same.

I didn’t know how he knew I was leaving, but it didn’t surprise me. If nothing else, Vincent and I had always been in tune, had shared a bond that sometimes made words completely unnecessary.

Something that made me happy. I was no good with words, and at times like this, times when they were most needed, they always left me.

It had been easier all those years ago. Leaving him without saying good-bye face-to-face. Without having to see the pain I had caused. Oh, I had been able to guess at it, had no doubt he would be angry, hurt, think that all that had passed between us had been meaningless. Something a spoiled brat like me had used as a diversion from her boring, pampered life.

That hadn’t been true, not for a single moment, but I hadn’t had to live with the reality of knowing that was what he thought.

My stomach twisted.

I wouldn’t have that luxury this time.

This time, when I left, I would know what it did to him. He’d show me as much, each kiss, each touch, telling me of what he felt.

And I was going to have to be okay with that.

What other choice was there?

What other choice had Vincent presented me with?

You can keep going,the insidious voice inside my head whispered.

But I knew that wasn’t true. My father was gone, but what did that change?

Vincent cared about me, loved me, but he was who he was, and he would never leave this life behind. I didn’t know if he could.

I didn’t know if I wanted him to.

A fact that shocked me, scared me.

For years I had hated this, living with the fact that I would never know what was happening, that I’d never be in control. I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t like that, that I would leave the world that forced me to as soon as I could.

And I’d kept that promise, and as much as it hurt me, I knew that I had to continue to keep it.

Vincent hadn’t become Santo. He was everything I’d hoped he’d grow to be, but that only made the stakes that much higher. Because as much as I loved him, as much as I knew being with him would make me happy, I knew that happiness would come at a price. I’d live every day in fear he wouldn’t come back, would always wonder what danger awaited him.

Everything inside me told me it was a price I wouldn’t be able to pay.

I was so distracted by my heart as it shattered in my chest I only barely noticed Vincent moving.

“Stay here. Be quiet.”

His voice was close to my ear, barely a whisper, but I heard his focus, his anticipation, knew that we were on the verge of something terrible unfolding.

I also knew enough to do exactly as he said.

So I lay there, my heart thudding as he rose and then headed toward the door, my mind telling me it would always come to this.

And with each second that passed, I became more resolved in my decision.

I loved Vincent.

But I would have to leave him yet again.

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