Page 45 of Run

I had to whisper the words, not able to even say them in a full voice. The thought was one too horrible to contemplate, my sister with a man like our father, one who would eat away at her day by day.

Daniela shook her head hard, seeming to recoil from the thought as much as I did.

“No,” she said firmly. “Nothing like him. He’s a good man, Giovanna,” she said.

“But he’s in the business,” I replied flatly. Daniela might say he was a good man, and I was open to accepting the possibility that he might be. But there was no question of his profession.

She said nothing, but her expression spoke volumes. It was completely blank. I could read nothing from it, and in that moment, I felt more alone than I ever had my entire life.

Daniela and I had shared everything once, but that had changed, and all because of me. She was my sister, and now I was an outsider. Again, the reality that I had gotten what I’d so desperately wanted smacked me in the face.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Always figured you’d take Mother’s place,” I said.

Even to my own ears, I sounded bitter, angry. Pathetic.

But my sister didn’t say anything, didn’t even express anger at my insult. It was that grace that pushed me over the edge.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You’re just going to let me do that?” I yelled.

“What would you have me do, Giovanna? Do you want me to yell at you? Call you names?” Daniela said, her face still maddeningly calm.

“I want you to do something!” I nearly screamed. I needed her to do something, anything, to distract me from the reality of my alienation from her.

“You want me to do something so you won’t have to. I get mad at you, scream, and you leave. That way, in your mind, you can blame me. Tell yourself that I pushed you away. Tell yourself that you had no choice but to leave us behind. I won’t do it, Gia. I won’t,” she whispered.

And with those words, she only confirmed that she wouldn’t give me the exit I sought. Confirmed that she was far better than I ever would be. Fueled the anger already burning through me. “Always so perfect, huh, Daniela? The perfect daughter, now the perfect wife.”

“And always so unwilling to take responsibility for yourself, Gia, for your choices.”

I couldn’t argue, didn’t have a leg to stand on, so I stood and began to pace. We would get nowhere with this, but at least I could get some information, make sure that she was okay.

“I didn’t know Sergei, so he’s new. I thought you would end up with Michael,” I said.

She shrugged. “That didn’t work out.”

“Good. He was an ass. Sucked up to you to get close to our father,” I said.

She smiled faintly, and I continued. “And Santo…”

“He’s gone.”

“Vincent told me, but he didn’t tell me the whole story.”

I knew she wouldn’t either, but I had to ask.

“He cared for us in his own way, but things couldn’t continue like that. Maybe he’s at peace now,” she said.

“That’s total bullshit, Daniela. At peace? The man doesn’t know the meaning of the word. Didn’t know it,” I corrected.

Daniela didn’t contradict me, and I was again reminded of our old patterns. She’d always covered for him, tried to make some excuse for his madness. But when I looked at her again, I remembered it no longer mattered.

“This was going to happen eventually. I’m just glad he can’t hurt anyone else,” I finally said.

I sat once more, the thought of Santo being gone again sent a shock through my system. I wouldn’t miss him, but the thought of him no longer being on earth was one that I needed to process. I had known very well that his time would end, and not peacefully, but knowing it would happen, and confirming that it had was two different things.

And thinking about Santo kept me from thinking of the other, more pervasive thought.

I looked at Daniela, and then whispered, “Mother?”

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