Page 16 of Run

I was so happy he was alive.

That happiness and relief wasn’t the only thing I was feeling. I dropped my eyelids closed and let myself think back to that alley, to Vincent standing so close to me that I could kiss him. He’d always been tall, strongly built, and I’d delighted in being held in his strong arms, crushed against his body. I thought about that now. Vincent was much like I remembered, but also different.

He’d been so much younger then, still had that familiar, easy handsomeness he’d always had, but he’d also grown up. His face had lost all of its young smoothness, now had character from the years, his dark eyes now possessed with a wisdom that hadn’t been there before.

Vincent was an enticing, incredibly desirable man, and despite all the things that happened before, all the years that had passed, I wanted him.

Tears began to burn behind my eyes, the deep, throbbing desire in my body only giving more weight to the pain that gripped my heart.

How many times had I wished we could have worked out? How many times had I begged him to come with me? Each time he said no. Had told me he had made a promise to Santo, a promise that he would fulfill.

And never, not once had he said anything about the promise he had made to me. The one where he had said he would love, honor, and cherish me forever, that we would spend our lives together.

I had been so hopeful then, had believed we could be different, that we could be together forever, my love for him making me believe anything was possible.

I sagged against the door.

No one had known that we’d gotten married, not even Daniela.

I tried so hard not to think of that day, my wedding day, both because of how happy it made me and how sad, but after seeing him, I couldn’t stop my thoughts.

Vincent and I had gone to another state, managed to slip away for the day and get married. My father would never have allowed us to be together. My sister and I had been valuable assets, and I knew he was simply waiting for the right deal to marry us off. Vincent was nothing to Santo but muscle. He’d never waste a daughter on someone so easily replaceable. And Santo wouldn’t hesitate to kill Vincent for even thinking that he could have me, would have killed him if he’d ever suspected Vincent had touched me.

A wedding in my mother’s garden had been out of the question. Yet, even under the veil of secrecy, those minutes in the courthouse had been the happiest of my life, and the hours after had only solidified that.

But, the happiness had been short-lived. We’d lain there in a hotel room and Vincent had whispered that we had to go, needed to get back before he was missed, before I was.

His words had been crushing. To go from being so rapturously in love one minute, to hiding like children in the next. I’d been too busy pouting to really appreciate what that had meant.

But that beautiful moment, what should have been our beginning, had been the beginning of the end.

He’d been so gentle when he’d said the words. I’d seen the tenderness in his eyes, felt it in the rough fingers that had caressed my face. And just as quickly, like I’d imagined it, it was gone. Instead I saw the animalistic calculation of my father’s eyes in Vincent’s. Pictured the way I would look past it, just as my mother did.

Felt utter revulsion at the thought.

I couldn’t let that happen. Not to Vincent. Not to myself. I refused to live my life in the shadows, and Vincent had refused to step into the light.

There had been no way we could coexist.

I knew that now just like, deep down, I had known it then, but it didn’t break my heart any less. I was sure that I had done the right thing, knew that in the end I would have nothing but emptiness. But that didn’t mean I didn’t hurt.

I did hurt. I missed Vincent every day, missed the life we were so close to having every moment. But there was nothing I could do, and maybe this was good for me. Maybe since I had finally seen him again I could get past the love and affection, and finally move on with my life for real this time.

Vincent wouldn’t make it easy, though. I knew he hadn’t given up. So what I would do was rest, and then tomorrow, be ready to face him.

I lay down, felt the exhaustion begin to creep over me as I sank into the mattress and drifted off to sleep.

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