Page 24 of Maxim

“You know he’s not worth it, right?” Jane sighs dramatically as Amanda’s lip wobbles again.

We’re baffled that she’s so upset about the lifeguard dumping her. Frankly, he’s the one who should be upset. Amanda is the smartest, kindest person I know.

Way smarter than me.

Much prettier too.

“But I really liked him!” She gulps down half of the nasty pink cocktail and I grimace, wondering how long it will be before she’s either passed out or puking her guts up. “He had a massive dick and he knew how to use it,” she sobs.

“Oh, honey…” Jane squeezes Amanda’s knee. “That’s what the Magic Wand is for. It does the job and won’t ever break your heart.”

Seeing my friend so low makes me even more convinced that relationships are not worth the hassle. If a strong, independent woman like Amanda can’t see the red flags, what chance do I have at avoiding them?

“This calls for more alcohol,” I announce. I’m already drunk so a few more cocktails won’t matter. There’s nothing I can do about Amanda’s fuckboy problem, but a sympathy binge-drinking session? Sign me the fuck up.

***

Two hours later, I’m seriously questioning my life choices. Jane decided being sober was boring and is now just as hammered as Amanda and I. The three of us are slouched in a corner booth, staring morosely at the empty glasses stacked up on the table.

It’s not late and tomorrow is Saturday, but being this drunk is starting to get old. It’s been a while since I’ve consumed so much alcohol. I’m barely holding it together.

“I need a pee,” I slur. The girls look up and offer sloppy smiles.

“Bring more drinks on the way back!” Amanda seems to have forgotten her one true love, Finn the lifeguard. Thank God. We’re all sick of hearing about his perfect cock.

“No more drinks!” Jane looks as worse for wear as me.

I grab my phone and head for the bathrooms, trying not to stumble into tables or fall over anyone’s foot. Thankfully, there isn’t much of a queue and I’m able to take care of business pretty quick.

When I stagger back out, there’s a tall, handsome guy waiting for me with a pissed-off expression on his ridiculously perfect face.

Maybe I’m drunker than I thought. He looks like Max, the sex god from the gala, the one who claims not to be stalking me.

I squint up at him. “Why are you so tall? Am I hallucinating?”

His mouth twitches a little. The black shirt he wears fits his muscular chest like a second skin. My gaze drops down from his chiseled jaw, chasing a path south. I’m dimly aware that this is not the kind of thing modest ladies do, but fuck it.

All the talk about monster dicks has got my motor running.

It’s been way too long.

“Do you have a big dick too?” I muse when I reach his crotch, while wobbling like a newborn lamb in my stupid shoes, the ones Amanda bought me. The shoes I can barely walk in. Max snorts with laughter and kicks away from the wall.

“OK, malyshka, it’s time for bed.”

“Wait, what? I can’t leave!”

“Malyshka,” he purrs, “you’re drunk and I’m not leaving you here like this.”

“My friends are here, they need more drinks!”

“If by friends, you mean the two women passed out in a booth, then they definitely don’t need more drinks.”

The ‘passed out’ bit sobers me up. If Jane and Amanda have passed out, I can’t leave them. Fuck, why did we drink so fucking much! Did we really drink that much??

“I need to get them in a taxi!”

“Relax, malyshka, it’s all in hand. My guys are helping them.”

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