Page 52 of The Boss's Hideaway Baby

If I left New York, if I started a new career, if I made any sort of big change, it would be like opening my eyes. I’d be facing reality. As it stands, I pretty much go home every night, make dinner, and fall asleep on the couch with the TV playing.

The saddest part is that I do this all alone. I haven’t hung out with anyone in the last few weeks, and I haven’t gone to any of my usual weekend spots. I even missed last week’s anime convention, which I’d been looking forward to all year.

I hate to say it, but it’s almost like I don’t know how to go on. It’s not like my life is ruined — I know that I’ll survive, that I’ll make it through. I just feel too crushed right now to stand up straight and act like everything is okay.

“Hey, Maria.” It’s Rick, a guy about my age. He’s a designer here, and has been friendly since my first day.

“Hi.” I force a smile, which is about the most I can muster up these days.

He leans against the wall near my desk. “Any big plans for the weekend?”

“Um, nope.” I avoid his eyes, feeling like if he looks into my face he’ll see just how much of a loser I am. “What about you?”

“A few of us are going out for drinks after work. You should join us.”

I press my tongue against my teeth, considering it. I really should get out of my shell. Go out and spend some time with people.

Except the mere thought of doing that causes me physical pain. I don’t want to be around anyone. I just want to go back to that magical time in Montauk, when everything was right with me and Nathan.

Am I crazy for still dreaming of that time?

Yes. Maybe. And I almost don’t care. I’d rather live in the memories for the rest of my life than forget them.

“Thanks, Rick.” I clear my throat. “But today isn’t good. I’m really not feeling up to it.”

I can see the disappointment in his eyes, but he tries to hide it with a small smile. “Well, maybe another time.”

“Maybe,” I agree, even though I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready for something like that again.

As Rick walks away, I wonder if I’ll always be this closed off. Will I ever be able to open up again and find love? Or am I destined to spend the rest of my life hiding behind the walls I’ve built to protect myself?

Only time will tell, but for now, I’ll keep burying my feelings deep inside, where they can’t hurt me anymore.

Grabbing my purse and phone, I leave the office and take the elevator downstairs. I’m feeling a little weak, almost like I need to sit down. Maybe I’m coming down with something?

The moment I step outside the firm, a wave of nausea washes over me. Yep, I’m definitely coming down with something. Maybe the chicken I had at lunch was bad, or I caught a bug.

I take a deep breath and try to ignore the nausea as I begin my walk home. The city’s noise and congestion seem to only make it worse, though, and by the time I reach the park, I can no longer hold back. I barely make it to a nearby trashcan before vomiting into it.

Feeling slightly better, I sit down on a bench and fumble through my purse for my water bottle. As I take a few sips, I chastise myself for not taking better care of my body. Maybe it’s the stress of everything that’s happened with Nathan, or perhaps I’m just not eating well enough.

“Are you all right?” a concerned voice asks. I look up to see an older woman sitting next to me on the bench.

“Uh, yeah, I think so,” I reply, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “It’s probably just stress.”

She nods sympathetically. “I remember when I was pregnant with my first child, I had terrible morning sickness. Constantly throwing up… It wasn’t any fun at all.”

I force a smile, trying to be polite. “Oh, I can imagine.”

“Both my pregnancies were like that, actually.” She chuckles heartily. “My poor husband didn’t know what to do with me most days.”

I’m about to ask her how old her kids are now, when it suddenly hits me — I haven’t had my period in… I don’t know how long.

My heart slams against my rib cage. No… it couldn’t be…

I open the app I use to track my cycle and feel my heart drop when I see that I’ve missed my last period. The realization sends a shiver down my spine, and I can’t help but think back to the one night I spent with Nathan.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” the woman asks again, noticing the change in my expression.

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