Page 96 of Stay with Me

“But you’d never be happy doing nothing. I know you have the means to do whatever you want with your time, but that’s not you. You need to do something,” I say thoughtfully.

“I need to make a difference. It’s not just doing something. It’s making a difference in the world.”

“Being a cop makes you feel like you’re making a difference.” I make the statement more so for me. I’m trying to see this from his eyes. Maybe if I can understand why he’s so willing to put his life on the line, I’ll find a way to accept it.

For Knight, his job is a part of him. I don’t want to take that away from him. I just don’t know how to handle it when I’ve been up close and personal with the results and consequences.

“As a kid, everything I wanted was handed to me. As the youngest, I was spoiled and pampered all my life. When I got to college and started making friends outside of my usual circle, it hit me that not everyone lived that way.

“I was entitled and that annoyed me. There were kids smarter than me who didn’t have things as easy. Then, a girl I’d been friends with was raped at a party.

“Everyone knew who did it, but he got away with it because of his family, their friends, and their money. The shit that circled her rape … it was a game to him and his buddies. I wanted to be a cop from the day I found out he was just going to get a slap on the wrist.

“She tried to hang herself that day. She was a sweet girl. Her smile was bright, and she was friendly to everyone. I wanted to make sure that bad guys could never hurt girls like her,” he says.

I swipe at my tears with the back of my free hand. I should’ve known there was a noble reason behind him wanting to be a cop. It all makes sense.

“Your parents gave you the perfect name. You are a knight in shining armor,” I say, only slightly teasing.

He snorts. “I wouldn’t go that far. I try to do what I think is right. Sometimes those lines blur.” He takes a pause. “I think this time the lines may have blurred. I believe something different than what they want me to, and I’m not willing to see it any other way.”

“What do you mean?”

He frowns and begins to trace my palm. I can see the wheels turning. A war is playing within his eyes.

“The organization I was undercover in. They’re rumored to be a huge biker gang with deep connections. Chapters across the country,” he says and licks his lips.

“All I saw was a bunch of men who love their women. They provide for their families through solid businesses. They’re second and third generation bikers. If they were dirty in the past, I don’t see that now.”

“Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“There was another MC that tried to blackmail the Prez I was under. They were trying to pressure them into arms dealing and some drug trafficking.”

He stops talking to sit up and rub his forehead. I sit up and move closer to his side. Something clicks across his face. It’s like he disappears far away.

“Fuck, why didn’t I see this before? The bullshit threats and kidnappings to force their hands started after I got patched in. Once I was deep undercover and the MC pulled me in, that’s when the trouble started.”

“You don’t think that was a coincidence?”

“No,” he says tightly. His voice is thick with emotion when he speaks. “Baby, I think I was used to take them down. I don’t think I was supposed to walk out of that warehouse alive, and I almost didn’t.”

I wrap the sheet around me to ward off the chill that rushes through me. As an ex-prosecutor, I know how far law enforcement will go for a conviction. It’s not always clean. Another deciding factor in my decision to leave.

“So, you can’t trust your team?” I ask in confusion.

“Not my team. The ATF. Fuck, it all makes sense. Him wanting to send me back in.”

“Wait, what?”

“Nothing,” he says and shakes his head.

Just like that, the chill is back, and the sheet wrapped around my body isn’t going to be enough to warm me.

* * *

Knight

I never liked Broker. Not from the very first time we met. The more I think. The more I see this shit for what it is.

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