Page 5 of Selfless

He rolls his eyes as if I sounded like a child, and I hate to admit I did.

I square my shoulders. “Who told you?”

“Doesn’t matter.” I go to argue, but he continues. “But I know that you look like shit.” His eyes look me up and down with disgust. “And I know you’ve kept yourself locked in this office all day.” He takes a quick look around and sees my suit that Kelly brought me earlier still lying on the back of my couch as if it cost a hundred dollars and not three grand. “And I know that you need a shower,” he adds.

“Are you done?” I growl.

“Not yet.” He removes his hands from his pockets and comes to sit down in front of my desk. “I also know that Ashlyn works at Talia’s.”

Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes and mumble. “Here we go …”

“How many times have I told you not to mix business with pleasure?” he demands.

I throw my hands up. “I didn’t know she had an interview with them until after I slept with her,” I declare, and he shakes his head. “And why the hell were they even hiring anyway? What was I supposed to do? She was so excited when they called her and told her she had the job. I didn’t feel like oh, yeah they’re going out of business. I’m gonna buy it and tear the place down and build another hotel. ‘Cause that’s what this town fucking needs was a good thing to say at the time.” My jaw is tight and so is my chest. So much is building up inside that I want to scream. I fist my hands down on my desk.

He places his elbows on his knees and leans forward. “Ryder …”

“Save it, Dad,” I snap. “I’ve had a shit day, and it’s not over yet. Becca’s come in here and jumped down my throat, and then Jaycent came in here giving his two cents on my problems and how I should handle them. If you don’t mind, I want to be alone. I have work to do.” I gesture to the stacks of papers scattered on my desk. “I may smell and look like shit, but I’m still here.”

He sits back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest. “Is Talia’s going to be a problem?” he finally asks.

This is my dad. Business first. Out of everyone I know, he is the only one who will understand that part of my life. No matter what, you do whatever you have to do to make that dollar. That’s why things would have never worked out with Ashlyn. No matter how much I wanted it to, she would never understand that part of my life. That you do whatever it takes to make a buck. That you don’t get where I am by being nice and making friends. It’s cutthroat and bloody. And I will never change that part of my life. Not even for her.

I shake my head. “No.” The only answer I have. And that alone would have torn us apart eventually.

He stares at me for a long second before finally rising from his chair. “Okay then.” And with that, he turns and walks out, shutting my door behind him.

ASHLYN

I called in sick to work today. I couldn’t sleep last night. I laid in my bed, eyes wide open as tears spilled down the side of my face as I cried in silence. So many emotions ran through me that I felt as if I was being torn in a hundred different ways. I would go from angry to sad then to feeling sorry for myself. It was pathetic, but I couldn’t stop it. This morning, when it was finally time to go to work, I just laid there. I couldn’t get my body to move. I felt nauseous, and my puffy eyes were finally getting heavy, so I picked up my phone and called in.

I stayed home locked away in my room. I only got up once to get a bottle of water ‘cause I was tired of tasting my own tears when Jaycent knocked on the door. I let him in and then went straight back to my room. That was about an hour ago. Now I find myself back on my bed holding my phone, waiting for it to ring. Hoping that Ryder would have called me sometime today. But nothing. I think calling him last night was the biggest mistake I have ever made.

I take another drink of the wine, and my throat tightens. Every girl wants to be the exception. We all want that one guy to make us feel like we’re worth it all. I feel that way about him. And that thought makes me want to jump. Makes me want to tell him how I feel. How much I need him. I have to do it for me.

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my phone and dial his number before I change my mind. The first ring has my heart beating faster. The second one has me taking another gulp of the wine. By the fourth ring, I’m pacing again.

“This was a terrible idea …”

The ringing stops and so does my pacing. He’s silent on the other end, but he picked up. That’s a start ... “Ryder,” I say, trying to swallow the lump that instantly forms in my throat. “I’m sorry.” I sniff, and I hate that admitting that makes me feel worse. “I know I messed up, but it wasn’t what you think. I swear I didn’t sleep with him.” Once I start talking, I can’t stop. Tears run down my face as I cling to the cold wine bottle, and my eyes are fixated on the Romeo and Juliet book. All I can think is that I have to get this off my chest. Becca was right. I have to do it for myself. I have to clear my conscience. What he chooses to do next is up to him.

“I … I love you, Ryder.” My throat tightens, and my hands gets clammy, admitting that to him. “Please know that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.” The words pour out like a dam needing to free all the extra water.

And then I start to panic over what I just said. I hang up, and my phone drops to my floor, landing by my feet

I poured out my heart last night and got nothing in return! I never knew loving someone could be so painful. Now I know why I’ve never done it before!

A knock comes on my door, and I find myself saying, “Come in.”

“Hey, are you busy?” Becca asks, peeking her head in.

I shake mine. “Come on in.”

She walks in and shuts it behind her. She sits down on the end of the bed, and Harry jumps up and crawls into her lap. “Who are you talking to?” she asks when she sees my screen light up.

“Bradley.” I sigh and push the button on the side to hide my screen from her.

He, on the other hand, keeps messaging me. But I don’t have anything to say to him. “He is still in New York,” I tell her.

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