Page 19 of Selfless

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

My brows lift in surprise. “Sure.” I put down the pizza and beer and then rub my hands on my sweatpants.

He enters the kitchen and comes to stand across from me. His eyes meet mine, and I immediately look away. Jaycent and I aren’t that close, but anyone who looks close enough can see that I’m still hurting over losing Ryder. “I just wanna say I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything,” I tell him.

“That’s exactly it. I didn’t do anything!” he growls. “I should have stopped

Ryder. I should have told him that when Bradley came over, we all had a late lunch then took a nap before watching a movie in the living room. But instead, I stayed back in Becca’s bedroom when I heard Becca call out his name in surprise.”

“You did what was right,” I assure him. It wasn’t anything that he needed to get involved in.

He shakes his head. “I’ve never been known as a coward, Ashlyn. But that night I was.”

“No, you weren’t. If you had done something, he would have been mad at all of us.”

He runs a hand down his face and sighs, looking down at the floor.

“Do you love her?” I ask.

He looks up at me. “Do you love him?”

“I’m not sure I know what love is,” I decide to say. I lost two men. Only an idiot can manage that.

His shoulders slump, and he runs a hand through his hair again. “You can’t

compare what Becca and I have to what you and Ryder have,” he argues.

“We have nothing,” I say softly.

“That’s bullshit!” he growls.

I straighten my back. “Jaycent—”

“I don’t wanna hear your excuses, Ashlyn,” he interrupts me. “I know what I saw. I may not know you, but I know my best friend. He’s been in my life since we were four. I’ve never seen him look at a woman like he does you. I’ve never seen him be so … attentive to anyone as he is with you. Trust me; I’ll be the first one to admit that Ryder can be a fucking dick. But he also has a lot to give. And I know he was willing to give it to you.”

I shake my head. He’s wrong. He doesn’t know Ryder as well as he thinks he does. Just like I didn’t know Bradley as well as I thought I did. “I don’t understand how I got here,” I tell him.

He places his hand on my knee. “People never see love coming.”

I look at him. “No offense, but I don’t see you as a hopeless romantic.”

He laughs at that statement. “No one ever does.” And then he smiles. “I thought I was in love with a woman for a long time.” I frown at his words. “Becca,” he clarifies. “Then one day. She gave me the chance to show her just how much I’ve loved her. And I was wrong.” His smile widens. “I realized that I loved her from afar. Out of reach. When I was able to hold her. Touch her. Kiss her. What I felt for her didn’t even compare to what lengths my love for her will go.” Then his face goes serious. “I’ve known Becca all her life, Ashlyn. And I’ve loved her for a long time. But I was seven years older than she was. When I finally had my chance, she went off to college. Far away from me. But I believed in fate. And I’ve always been the guy who believes in love.”

My head drops, and I stare down at my hands in my lap. “Love can’t happen in three weeks, Jaycent.”

“Says who?”

I look back up at him with an “are you kidding me” look. “Everyone.”

“Well, everyone is wrong,” he says simply, and I snort. “Every day, Becca does something new, and I fall in love with it.” He smiles. “You’re holding yourself back because you’re afraid of what? That he won’t love you the same?”

“I don’t love him,” I say, lying.

“Just because you say it out loud doesn’t make it true.” Then he turns and walks off to go have some quality time with Becca before we go.

I sit on the countertop still contemplating what Jaycent said to me when my phone rings next to me. I answer when I see it’s Thomas.

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