Page 16 of Selfless

ASHLYN

Saturday morning I was up early to go to work. The fact we had a private showing in two weeks meant we were all hands on deck. Even today.

I am regretting every decision I have ever made in life. Once again, I got no sleep last night. I stayed up staring at my ceiling while Harry lay on my chest, purring loudly. I couldn’t get the look of Bradley’s face out of my mind. He literally looked broken when I walked out on him after he told me how he felt. I couldn’t return the feelings, and there was no reason to egg him on.

I laid in bed all night and thought about the words he said about Ryder, and he was right. He would never love me like I could love him. But that didn’t mean I would settle for Bradley. I’ve never loved Bradley like that. I’ve never seen a future with the two of us that involved marriage and kids. And that wouldn’t be fair to him if I told him yes. He deserves someone who loves him just as much as he would them.

I stand in the kitchen of our apartment, trying to make breakfast but failing. Like everything else in my life.

I pour the pancake batter onto the burner as my phone dings. I pick it up in hopes that it’s Ryder. Even though I know he’s not gonna call.

“Son of a bitch.” I hiss when I see that my pancakes are burned along with my bacon. I peel them off the burner and place them on a plate. And I cringe at the burning smell.

“Everything okay?” I hear Jaycent ask, entering the kitchen.

I toss the spatula onto the countertop and place my hands on either side of the counter, hanging my head. “Yeah,” I say, lying. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“I needed to get up anyway,” he tells me. “Can I help you with something?”

I lift my head up and look back at him. And I hate that there are tears in my eyes. Why do I keep crying? This isn’t me. I look away from him and shake my head.

“I, uh, will leave you alone …” He trails off.

“Thank you,” I say, turning around to look at him.

“For what?” he asks, frowning.

I look down at the floor. “I went and saw Bradley last night.”

He closes his eyes and sighs. “I guess it went badly?” he asks, looking back up at me.

“As well as I had expected.” I lick my lips. “He proposed.”

His brows shoot up, and he looks down at my ring finger. “And?”

“I said no.” I sigh. “He told me that he had knocked on the door to talk to me again, and you answered and wouldn’t let him in.” I’m not mad at him for not telling me. I understand why he kept it a secret. He’s on Ryder’s side.

“He wanted to see you. But I wouldn’t let him. I’m sorry for stepping in, but you were so upset—”

“Thank you,” I say, interrupting him. “He said you took up for Ryder. That you told him to leave, and that Ryder just needed time.” He nods. “And he said that after he thought about what you had said, that maybe I just needed time as well.” I shake my head. “I didn’t. Ryder and I may have broken up, but I never loved Bradley the way he loved me. And marrying him isn’t the answer to my problems.”

“Have you spoken to Ryder?” he asks.

I look down at my hands. “I did. Once. But he never said a word or called me back.”

“What are you guys doing?” Becca asks as she enters the kitchen dressed in her robe.

“I’m burning shit,” I answer and then laugh at myself ‘cause at this point, what else is there for me to do? I pick up the pan of bacon and place it in the sink.

“I’m running late to work. I’ll just grab something on the way,” I say.

Becca runs a hand through her tangled brown hair. “What do you wanna do tonight after you get off work?”

I pause on my way to the door. I look from Jaycent to Becca. “No offense, but I really just wanna be alone.” She frowns at me. “I just need some time to figure out …” I pause and sigh heavily. “I just wanna be alone,” I repeat, hoping I could just go back to bed and then turn and walk out the front door.

CHAPTER FOUR

RYDER

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