Page 99 of Selfless

My interview was shit! I sat in there talking to the older man about how I had worked at Talia’s and my college degree. He didn’t seem to care much about my potential. And I really didn’t care. Ryder’s words just kept bouncing around in my head.

He didn’t want me to work.

It didn’t take a scientist to know why. Nannies raised him and Becca. He doesn’t want that for his children, and I understood that. I don’t want them raised by nannies either. But women do it all the time—have children and a career—so why can’t I?

When I arrived back at our apartment, I called the one person who could give me the only advice that mattered.

She answered on the first ring. “Hi, Mom.”

“Hey, honey,” she says excitedly. “How is your day going?”

Fucking pregnancy hormones have tears building in my eyes. Shit, I’m only eight weeks into it. How will I be by the time I’m eight months?

“Honey?” she asks, and her voice is now full of concern. “What’s wrong?”

A dam breaks. “I’m pregnant.” I couldn’t stop. I told her about me and Ryder’s breakup, and then how I got pregnant and what Bradley had done.

“Next time I see him, I’m gonna hit him with a shovel,” she snaps, making me laugh. Then her tone changes. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m nauseated all the time. And I can’t stop crying over everything,”

She gives a little laugh. “Oh, pregnancy takes over your body, and you’re along for the ride.” She makes a joke, and I laugh.

“Can I ask you a question?”“Of course.”

“Did you ever want to quit your job and stay home with me?”

She’s quiet for a long time, and I look at my phone to make sure she’s still on the other end. Finally, she speaks. “I took six months off when I had you.”

“You did?” I ask not knowing that.

“Yes. Your memaw was sick.” My father’s mother. “And we were paying for her in-home care. I had every intention of quitting when I got pregnant with you. After what had happened to Henry, I didn’t want you out of my sight. But staying home just wasn’t in the cards for us.”

“Ryder wants me to stay home. But I’ve always seen myself as a woman who had a career and could also have a family.”

“Honey, you don’t have to have a career to be considered a hard-working woman. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. And women who are stay-at-home mothers aren’t any less of a woman than ones who have a career and children.” She sighs. “Did you call to ask my opinion on the matter?”

“Yes.”

“Put the career on hold. It will always be there, honey. That degree you got isn’t going anywhere. But your child? I know nine months seems so far away, but it will be here before you know it. And then every year just goes by faster and faster. Then they’re graduating college and moving far away from you.” I hear her sniff. “My advice is to be a mother and a wife first. There will always be jobs available.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

RYDER

I walk into the apartment, and this amazing smell of chicken and cheese hits my senses.

I look over at the kitchen table as Ashlyn places a dish in the center of it. She looks up at me and smiles. “How was your day, sweetie?”

“Good.” I nod to the table. “What’s up with this?”

She rubs her hands on my t-shirt that she wears. “I wanted to cook you dinner.”

“Are we celebrating something? Other than the baby?” I ask, and she laughs.

“Something like that.”

She comes up to me and wraps her arms around me. “You got the job?” I say the only other thing that comes to mind.

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