Page 69 of Selfless

And it works. He gives me a smile as his eyes search mine. “Going to Panama was the best decision I ever made.”

“Mine too,” I agree.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

RYDER

I go to kiss her but hear a knock on our door. “I’ll get it,” I tell her, walking out of the closet to go answer it.

When I open the door, I’m not surprised to see Jaycent standing there. His eyes are puffy and red. He avoids meeting mine.

I take a step to the left and welcome him in.

“Who is it, babe …?”

We both look up to see Ashlyn coming into view, and she immediately grabs her phone off the countertop when she sees Jaycent standing there, turning away from her. “I’m gonna go see Becca,” she states and then walks out the door that I’m still holding open.

I shut it and turn to face him. I don’t say anything. I don’t know what Jaycent is going through at the moment, but he’s come here to talk to me. I’ll let him take his time.

We were all upset to find out about Maggie. But the love I felt for her outweighed the madness I felt toward my father and Rosie from keeping her a secret.

He gets my attention as he starts to pace. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” he says, and his voice is rough.

“You didn’t,” I assure him.

He runs a hand through his hair. “I just needed to talk to someone,” he says with a head nod. “Becca doesn’t understand …”

“I will,” I tell him.

He nods his head again as if he’s trying to convince himself of that. He stops pacing and turns to look me in the eye, and I see the hurt all over his face. “I knew Gwenda slept with my dad.”

I frown. “So you’ve known about Maggie?”

He shakes his head. “No. But I knew they had an affair. I knew that your mother was in love with him.”

“She loved him?” I ask confused. “I thought that it was just a one-time sort of thing?”

“I don’t know how many times it was,” he says with disgust. “But I caught them one day. At my parents’ house.” He shakes his head. “My mother had passed… He was lonely … weak …” He swallows. “She loved him, but he didn’t love her.” He growls as he starts to pace again. “Then he died.” He sniffs. “I had no clue …” I go to ask what he’s talking about, but he continues as he paces. “And then she went and paid Conner to keep her away from me,” he growls, getting angry. “‘Cause she knew I loved Becca. I could have prevented all of it had I just opened my fucking mouth,” he snaps.

I take a step toward him. “Jaycent? I’m trying to understand, man. But you’re not making much sense.”

He stops and turns to face me. Tears in his eyes. “It’s all my fault. Had I stood up for me and Becca back then, none of this shit would have ever happened!” he snaps.

I frown. “I don’t understand ….”

“Your mother loved my dad!” he shouts. “And when he didn’t love her back, she got angry. She knew me and Becca had something, but she refused to let her daughter be with the son of the man she loved. So she paid Conner to move away with Becca.” He’s breathing heavy and nostrils flared. “Your father told Becca that he had taken care of Conner when I was the one who had him thrown in jail.”

“You what?”

“I didn’t want her mad at me more than she already was. I made some phone calls and found some old drug charges against him. Guess that was another reason he was so willing to get away from here and go to Seattle. Everything leading up to this point is my fault.” He sighs.

“No, it’s not,” I say, shaking my head.

He narrows his eyes at me. “I never told anyone what I knew. If I had told your father …”

“He knew.”

“He knew about the affair, but Maggie …”

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