Page 51 of Selfless

My hand comes to a stop, and my heart beats wildly in my chest. “What did you say?” I must have heard her wrong.

“What do you think I said?” she asks.

I pull away from her and sit up. Reaching over, I flip on the light on her nightstand and turn to face her. She blinks a few times and slowly rises to a sitting position. “I’m serious, Ashlyn,” I growl.

“So am I.”

I run a hand through my hair and throw the covers off me. My body heat rising all of a sudden. “Fuck, Ashlyn,” I snap, getting out of bed and pacing; I need the movement. The thought of them together makes my skin crawl.

She gets out of bed as well, and I look over at her. She’s naked, of course. Red marks cover her upper arms. A hickey on her chest from where I couldn’t stop kissing her and another one on her hip and inner thigh. My mouth waters at the thought of leaving more.

Focus! “Why would you tell me that?”

“Because this time if you choose to walk away, it’s gonna be because you know the truth,” she growls.

“I’m sorry!” I shout. “How many times am I gonna have to apologize?” I growl.

“I don’t know,” she snaps. “Until I feel you’re truly sorry.”

I snort. “You think this is just some big elaborate show? You may not forgive me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t truly forgive you.”

Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls open. “Forgive me?” she says slowly, and it makes me think I might have said the wrong thing. “I understand that not telling you Bradley was coming was a big mistake on my part. But you walked out. You wouldn’t even give me two seconds to explain.” I open my mouth, but she continues. “And then I called you. I even told you that I loved you and nothing!” She’s shouting again. “And then a week later, you find out I’m on a date, and all of a sudden, you care again.”

“That’s not true!” I snap, mad at myself all over again.

“Then what is, Ryder?” she demands, crossing her arms over her chest. “Please tell me what I’m missing here.”

“I didn’t know you called me.”

“Bullshit!” she snaps.

“I swear on everything,” I say, holding my hands up. “I didn’t know you called me until Monday night when you had your date.”

She snorts. “Unbelievable. You think I’m going to believe you …?”

“Jaycent answered my phone when you called me. I was too drunk due to the fact that I thought I had lost you to Bradley. He was the one you told I love you to. But he never told me.” She stands, staring at me with confusion in her eyes. “You came to my office throwing your fit and made me see the truth. I had called Jaycent later that evening to bitch about you and how you ignored my flowers and my calls. That’s when he told me that you had called and said I love you.”

“No …” She trails off.

“Yes,” I say, taking a step toward her. “I was a dick! An ass! I get that. But I would have never ignored you if I had known how you truly felt.” She swallows and looks away from me. As if she finally understands how fucked up all this has been. And how easily it could have all been avoided. “How could you ever doubt how I feel about you?” I ask, and her eyes meet mine again. “I have tried from day one to be more than just a fuck to you. But you were the one who pushed me away at every turn. Every time. It was always these rules, and you kept me at arm’s length.” Her eyes have filled with tears, and she licks her lips. “I love you, Ashlyn,” I say, swallowing and taking another step toward her. “No matter what happens between us or how mad at me you get, know that loving you is the easiest part of my day.” I come to a stop in front of her, and a tear slides down her face. I cup her face and brush it away. “Even when I thought you didn’t want me, I still loved you.”

Another tear falls and her lips part as she sucks in a deep breath. “I love you, Ryder,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry … for everything …”

I take her into my arms and kiss her. Pulling away, I run my hand through her blond hair.

“I told him no,” she says softly.

I pull back and look at her, and a tear runs down her face. “I was so mad at myself from what happened between us, but I was mad at him too.” I wipe a tear away. “He was supposed to be my friend. He wasn’t supposed to want more.”

Giving her a soft smile, I tell her. “As much as I hate to admit it, I don’t blame him.” I cup her face with both of my hands. “Ashlyn, I fell in love with you that weekend in Panama. I knew then that you were the one for me.”

“Why me?” She sniffs. “I can’t give you anything that you don’t already have.” Licking her lips, she continues, “Even Bradley knew you were too good for me.”

My teeth grind together that that bastard would even think that. He just felt that way ‘cause he wanted her too. “Is this why you pushed me away?” She nods. “Ashlyn, listen to me. You are everything!” She closes her eyes for a second, and when she opens them, another tear runs down her face. “You think I care about what I have? It would mean nothing without you.” I realized that when I didn’t have her. My apartment. My job. None of it mattered while a piece of me was missing. “You are everything to me,” I say again, in case she needs reminding. Taking a deep breath, I watch another tear fall, and I hate that she’s hurting. That she could think this after everything I’ve tried to prove otherwise. “You asked why you? Because, baby, in a world full of ordinary, you’re magic.”

ASHLYN

Saturday morning comes, and I can’t quit smiling like a fool. I stand in our kitchen making the man I love breakfast. He sits at the kitchen table going over emails on his phone, and I can’t help think of how we got here. Somewhere along the past four weeks, I fell head over heels in love with a man who was way out of my reach but somehow fell for me in return.

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