Page 38 of Selfless

He comes to a stop, and those dark green eyes look me up and down slowly. My robe isn’t flattering in the least, but the way he licks his lips makes me think he is remembering what I look like underneath it.

“Ryder …” I whisper as my legs start to shake. Don’t get sucked back in, Ashlyn. He left you when things got tough. He’ll do it again. He didn’t even give you a chance to explain yourself. But then again, he did say I love you. Is that all it’s gonna take to get me back? Three little words?

All these things go through my mind, but then he raises his right hand and brushes some loose blond strands behind my ear, and a shiver runs through me. “I love you, Ashlyn.” My knees buckle.

“That’s not fair,” I manage to whisper.

He gives me that panty-dropping smile. “I told you I wasn’t going to play fair.”

I let out a long, ragged breath, and his face grows serious. “Please tell me there’s still an us, baby,” he whispers, taking a step closer to me. His chest now pressing into mine, and I’m breathing heavily. “Tell me that you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you,” I say without thought as I look into his dark green eyes. I’m almost in a trance. Unable to pull away. Unable to push him away. I lift my hands and fist his black t-shirt. I expect a cocky smile, but instead, he cups my face with his soft hands, and I lean into him even more. My legs turning to Jell-O, and my head going foggy. This is what I have wanted for a week. This is what I’ve been dreaming about, and here it is, coming true.

“God, I wanna kiss you,” he says softly, and his eyes drop to my lips as he licks his.

My hands let go of his shirt, and they wrap around his neck. I pull him into me and tilt my head. He lowers his lips until they graze mine, teasing me, and I beg, “Please kiss me.”

His hands on my face pull me toward him as his lips capture mine in a rough kiss. His tongue meets mine, and I moan into his mouth.

All of a sudden, he pulls away, and I growl in protest as his hands let go of my face. They go to my sash around my waist, and yanks my robe open.

“Jesus!” He hisses when he sees I’m naked underneath it.

I don’t know why, but all of a sudden, I feel nervous. Insecure. I grab for the sash and go to tie it when he pushes my back into the hallway wall and presses my hands above my head.

“Ryder …” I pant as I shake my head side to side. My pussy tightens, and my lips part. God, he can get me so wound up in a matter of seconds.

“Don’t hide from me, baby,” he says, grinding his hips into mine, and I can feel how hard he is. “I wanna see you.” His hands cross my wrists, and he holds them both above my hand in one of his. “I wanna feel you,” he moans, running his nose down the side of my face until his lips touch my neck. My head falls back against the wall. “I wanna fuck you.”

My eyes spring open, and I rip my hands from his grip. “Ashlyn, what …?”

“Stop, Ryder,” I demand, pushing him away, and he takes a step back.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

I swallow the lump that forms in my throat because I realize just how pathetic I am for him. He has ignored me all week, and all of a sudden, I’m willing to spread my legs for him. Hell, I was on a date with another man less than ten hours ago, and now here he is, and I’m all ready to take him back.

I look down to grab my sash and quickly tie it. Looking back up at him, I straighten my back and lift my chin. “I told you there is no us.” The words are hard to say because I don’t want them to be true. Now that I know I have such strong feelings for him, I can’t push them to the side. But this is my only option. What is done is done. “You promised me that you weren’t going to hurt me.” His face falls. “And you also said we were the exception. Turns out it was just a lie, and we are nothing but an average couple who failed one another.”

I push off the wall and give him my back as I walk to my room. It takes everything I have not to turn around and run into his arms, begging him to take me to bed.

CHAPTER NINE

RYDER

It’s been two days since I made a fool of myself at the girls’ apartment. And I’ve concluded everyone was right. It’s all my fault. I pushed them away, and I wasn’t there when my best friend or little sister needed me. I think I should have been the first one she told about her and Jaycent. But I understand why she didn’t. I would have still made an ass of myself.

And then I couldn’t leave it at that. I had to go and make an even bigger fool of myself to Ashlyn. I tried to get her into bed. It’s not like that was all that I wanted, but it was the only thing on my mind at the time. And just as I thought I was about to succeed, she woke up and pushed me away.

So I’ve let them cool off—all three of them. I’ve continued to jump back and forth between Becca and Jaycent being in love to the woman I love not wanting me. I can’t stop one and can’t force the other. It’s a bitch. But all I can do is accept it. And although I’m not a hundred percent sure I can, I have to try. I have to hear Becca out and find out what it is I’m missing.

So for two days, I’ve been blowing her phone up wanting to see her. She has done nothing but ignore me up until an hour ago. She finally responded with a very short and clipped answer.

Becca: Yes.

Was all it said when I asked her to please come by my work and give me ten minutes. Of course, I need more time than that, but if I told her I needed an hour, she would have refused.

I’ve been pacing back and forth in my office ever since she responded, trying to think of what to say. Of what to ask. Ashlyn said there was so much I didn’t know about, and I knew better than to ask her what I’m missing. Only Becca can fill me in, and I need to know.

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