Page 29 of Selfless

I decide to call Jaycent. He’s the only one I haven’t apologized to.

“What’s up, man?” he asks, sounding tired.

“You sound like your day is going about as good as mine,” I say with a sigh.

“Is yours going like shit?” he asks flatly.

Shit would be a good day. I haven’t had one of those in over a week. “Is it Monday?”

That gets him to chuckle. “Yes.”

I sigh again and lean back in my seat. “I saw Ashlyn today,” I decide to tell him.

“How did that go?” he asks.

“I’m calling you, aren’t I?” I growl.

He laughs, but I don’t find this situation funny. “And I’m guessing it’s because you got something to get off your chest, so let’s hear it.”

I don’t waste another second. “She came crashing into my meeting this morning, told me off, and then stormed right out with this ‘fuck you’ look on her face,” I growl.

“And?” he urges.

“And after she left, I felt bad. I’ve treated her and Becca like shit for the last week, so I wanted to make it up to them. So I sent them both flowers today.

Becca sent me a thank-you text, but Ashlyn sent me nothing.”

“Did you really think flowers were gonna save the day? Week?”

“No.” I sigh. A long silence stretches over the phone before he speaks again.

“Ryder, I tried to tell you that night we went out that you needed to call her. Talk to her. If you want to save whatever it was that you guys had, you are gonna have to go the extra mile.”

Yes, I know this! But somehow rubbing I told you so in my face doesn’t help. I let out a long breath. “I know. But … fuck, I’ve ignored her for the last seven days, and I’m not sure how to get back to where we were. Or if she even wants to.”

I hear him sigh on the other end as if he’s contemplating telling me something. “Ryder, that night we went out, and I took you back to your office ...”

The night I almost slept with another woman? “What about it?” I ask.

“She had called you. You looked at it and threw the phone to the ground and I know I shouldn’t have, but I answered it. She just started spilling everything. I tried to stop her from talking, but by the time she was done, she hung up.”

I sit up in the back seat. So that’s why I didn’t remember having a conversation with her. He had been the one to talk to her. “What did she say?” I ask slowly.

“She said what you thought you saw and what happened were two very different things.” He pauses. “… and that she loved you.”

“She what—” I demand.

“I told you,” he interrupts me. “After she had hung up, you looked right at me, and I told you, but you didn’t say a word.”

My heart is racing and my head is spinning. “She loves me?” I ask softly.

“That’s what she said.”

I let out a growl that he didn’t tell me this the next morning when I saw him in my office. Or the day after that. Or the one after that. I open my mouth to ask him what the fuck but stop myself. It’s not his fault I was a dick. It’s not his fault I let it go on this long. “That was over a week ago. Of course, flowers aren’t gonna fucking fix that!” I snap. “What am I supposed to do now?” I ask as if he has an answer.

“Fight. If you love her, fight for her. If she loves you as you love her, then she’ll appreciate that more than distance.”

“Yeah,” I say, nodding my head to myself. She came to see me today. That has to mean something. “I … Thanks, man. Thanks for being my best friend.”

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