Page 89 of Myself

“Who the fuck was paying him?” she snaps.

“My mother.”

“What the fuck, Becca? For how long?” she demands.

“Four years,” I whisper. She gasps and goes to speak, but I lift my hand. “Please let me finish.” She closes her mouth, and her lips thin. “Well, Jaycent had found out I guess back in Panama when he beat Conner up in the bathroom. And then after Conner laid hands on you here, Jaycent went to my dad and asked him to take care of it. Well, I still hadn’t known.”

“When did you find out?” she asks through gritted teeth.

“The night on Ryder’s boat. Vicki told me.”

“That bitch knew about it?” she snaps. “Who the fuck told her?”

“My mom.” She lets out a long breath. “I guess my mom wasn’t secretive about it.”

“Have you spoken to her about it?” I nod. “And did she deny it?”

I shake my head. “She said that Conner was what I needed.”

“Such a bitch,” she growls, and I have to agree. “So then what happened?”

“I broke up with Jaycent.”

“Why would you do that?” she asks wide-eyed. “You love him.”

“And I thought I loved Conner but look at how horrible that decision was.” I sigh.

“Yeah, but they’re not the same.” She takes my hand. “I don’t agree with what Jaycent did, but he was just trying to protect you.” She gives me a soft smile. “And Conner was only about himself.”

“Maybe,” I say and hang my head.

“Hey.” She grabs my hand. “How about we heat some leftovers and watch Top Gun. Girls’ night?”

I love that she’s smiling at me. That for once, since she and Ryder broke up, she actually looks okay. I nod.

Her smile fades, and her eyes soften. “I’m so sorry, Becca.”

“For what?” I ask.

“For everything you’re going through. I should have been there for you and not so wrapped up in Ryder. I had no idea—”

“No, don’t do that to yourself,” I interrupt her. “You’re a great friend. Don’t think you’re not. You’ve always been there for me.”

She nods but doesn’t look convinced. And a thought hits me. “What were you going to say to me on the boat that night before Ryder came in and interrupted you?”

She lets go of my hand and sits back. “When Vicki realized who I was, she said that your mother had mentioned me. She said that I pulled you down. And that I was beneath all of you. And I wanted to apologize if you felt that way,” she says softly.

“What?” I grab her hand again. “No, Ashlyn. That’s not even close to the truth,” I tell her. She looks up at me, and I sigh. “You are the best friend I’ve ever had. You have always been there for me. More than anyone else ever has. I just told you that my mother was paying my boyfriend to be with me. So don’t believe anything she says.”

She nods. “I just ... Ryder got mad at me because I told him that she was right. I don’t fit into your guys’ world. And what she said made some sense.”

“Ashlyn, you are the best thing about my world,” I say, and her eyes fill with unshed tears. “You and your parents have taught me so much that I could never repay you.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” she whispers.

“That’s not how I see it,” I add with a soft smile. “I was in a new place scared to death with a man who at the time didn’t give two shits about me. You took me in, and you all showed me what life was supposed to be about. To me, that means everything.”

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