Page 85 of Myself

She nods and then removes her hand from mine and gets up. “Maybe it’s just better if I go back home.”

I stand quickly. “No. That’s not why I told you. That’s not the answer.”

“Then what is the answer?” She turns to face me. I see the tears in her eyes, and I try to hold mine back. I want to be there for her like she used to always be there for me.

“You’re not a quitter,” I say truthfully. “I know you, and the Ashlyn I know wouldn’t let a man dictate her life,” I say, and she sighs. “Ashlyn, you are tough. You are the woman I’ve always wanted to be.” The first tear falls down her cheek, and I’m amazed that I haven’t done the same yet. “We have time. I will help you find another job. I know you left your family in Seattle, but I’m your family here. And I’m not going anywhere. Please tell me you’ll stay. Tell me that you will not let Ryder get the best of you. Because he doesn’t deserve that.”

**

Tuesday and Wednesday went by pretty fast. I didn’t see much of Jaycent; I’m spending all my time with Ashlyn even though she’s not much company. I also haven’t seen or spoken to my brother.

I was supposed to meet Jaycent for lunch today, only for him to cancel at the last minute. Something about a meeting with a project manager. I didn’t ask questions, and he didn’t explain. So I decided to go to a nearby Starbucks, just a couple of blocks from our apartment building.

I am standing outside in line when I hear my name being called. I look up from my phone to see Conner walking toward me. “Conner?” I ask, looking around to see if anyone I know is with him.

“Becca,” he says with a nod as he comes to a stop in front of me.

“What do you want, Conner?” I demand, still unable to believe he was getting paid to be with me.

His dark brown eyes hide behind a pair of black Oakleys, and he’s wearing a New York Giants hat. He reaches up and removes his sunglasses. There’s a cut across his right cheekbone, and his left eye is a yellowish-green color, and I know it’s from what Ryder did to him over a week ago. And it makes me think back to the night at the rooftop bar when we saw him with that woman. Did he have bruises then from Jaycent beating him up? I can’t remember. It had been dark, and I didn’t really look at him that closely.

“You can call off your dogs,” he says, licking his bottom lip. There’s a cut there too.

“My dogs?” I ask, placing a hand on my hip.

He nods. “Yes. Not only did your boyfriend put his hands on me, but then your brother also beat the crap out of me.”

I take a step toward him, knowing that only a month ago I wouldn’t have had this much confidence in his presence. “You deserved what Jaycent did to you, and my brother beat your ass because you put your hands on Ashlyn.”

He snorts as he looks me up and down with disgust. “And your father?”

“What about him?” I snap.

“Just make sure to tell him to leave me the fuck alone. He’s pretty persistent like your mother.”

I swallow; that anger I have for my mother is overwhelming. “Fuck you, Conner.”

He smiles. “No thanks. You weren’t worth the price your mother was willing to pay for you. And now that you’re letting Jaycent fuck you.” He growls his name. “You’re worthless.”

I fist my hands down by my side. “Then go away and leave me alone,” I say through gritted teeth.

He smirks. “Tell your father to do the same.” And with that, he turns around and walks off.

I stand there watching him walk away as he crosses the streets and wish a taxi would hit him.

“Ma’am ...”

I look behind me to see the woman pointing ahead of me because the line is now inside the door. I step out and tell her to go on as I watch Conner slip into a cab across the street before it pulls out in front of traffic.

I stand there for a few seconds trying to figure out once again what is going on. He said he had spoken to my dad a few days ago. But that was before Ryder’s birthday party. Before I knew about my mother. Had my father known all along that my mom was paying him? My chest tightens at that thought. How could he do that to me, too?

I run over to the side of the street and raise my hand for a taxi. One pulls up. I jump in it and order it to take me to my father’s building. Fifteen minutes later, I’m jumping out and running through the front entrance. By now, the tears have started to fall down my cheeks, and my throat has closed up on me.

I feel like everything is falling down on me once again. Like I’m suffocating. The elevator doors open on the seventieth floor. I see Kelly, Ryder’s assistant, stand from her desk when she sees me. “Ms. O’Kane, is everything all right?” she asks, coming around her desk. Her big blue eyes wide and stained red lips parted.

“Is my father in?” I ask softly.

She shakes her head. “No, ma’am. He and your brother had to go to Philadelphia today for a meeting,” she says, and my stomach drops. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

---