Page 37 of Myself

“Bring ‘em,” I say as the giggles take over me. Fuck Conner! I place my hand over my mouth. Did I say that out loud? The giggles commence again.

Somehow, we make our way into the open kitchen. This room is big enough to hold twenty people, but I bet thirty people are packed in here. People making out. Some look like they’re about to go all the way. Some knocking back drinks from the countertop.

Alcohol litters the floor and table. A container of trashcan punch sits a few feet from me. Earlier when I walked in, I watched a guy grab the trash can and pour four glass bottles of hardcore liquor into it and then starting serving it. I wasn’t planning to drink tonight. I was gonna be our DD. But then Conner decided to be a dick and left me, so I started drinking like a fish. I think that was like two hours ago. He hasn’t come back for me, and I haven’t stopped drinking.

Things start to blur. Colors fade and the room spins faster and faster like I’m on a carousel. My newest friend, Kaaa ... Can’t quite remember her name. But I see her pick up her purse, and then I see her keys dangling. And then she takes my hand, and we’re walking.

“Whoa.” I hear as I’m brought to a sudden stop.

I lift my heavy head to look up into a set of light brown eyes that I have been in love with for as long as I can remember. “Jaaaycennnt?” I slur in surprise, and if my lips weren’t so numb, I would think I was smiling.

“What are you doing?” he asks as his eyes search my face with concern.

“My new friend and I are leaving.” I lift my hand and point at her. She’s making out with the guy who picked us up off the floor in the hall earlier.

“I’m not letting someone I don’t know drive you home.”

I tilt my head to the side as I look into his brown eyes. They’re so pretty. They’re not dark brown, but a light color brown. They remind me of a chocolate candy bar that has melted. I could stare at them forever. “How am I gonna get home?” I somehow manage to ask.

“I’ll drive you.”

I have never been more thankful to Conner for leaving me somewhere; which happens often. I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist. I inhale sharply, and his scent makes me feel more lightheaded than I already am. He pats my back awkwardly. I wish he would hold me.

“Come on, princess.” He takes my hand and drags me to the front door, but I stay back behind him as far as my arm will allow, just so I can watch the way his blue jeans hang on his narrow hips. They hug his thighs tightly, and I lick my lips, wishing I could watch them fall to the floor, my floor.

“Where are we going?” I ask once we get into his car.

“I’m taking you home.”

I frown and lean my head back against the black leather headrest as I continue to stare at him in awe. The way his chiseled jaw lights up from the oncoming headlights makes my thighs clench. His left hand hangs freely over the steering wheel while his right shifts his car into gear. I wish they were on me ...

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I thought we could go to your house.” Please take me to your place.

His head snaps so he can look at me in the eyes, and I can’t help but rub my hands on my thighs and imagine the touch was his. “What?” he asks.

I undo my seat belt and scoot closer to him. He looks away from me and back at the road. Then he looks back at me. “Becca ...” He shifts in his seat, and my eyes fall to his lap. And then my hand follows. “What are you doing? Put your seat belt back on.”

“I don’t remember you saying that when you kissed me at my birthday party,” I say, ignoring him as I move my hand higher, and my lips part when I feel the tip of his dick. He’s hard. For me. God, I want him so badly; I’m already ready to scream out his name.

Then he pushes my hand away. “Becca ... we can’t.”

I fall back into my seat and sigh in embarrassment. “No one wants me.”

I pull myself out of that memory and look to see Ashlyn staring at me wide-eyed. Did I just tell her all that word for word?

I shake my head at myself. No, I didn’t. I hadn’t said any of it. But I can feel the wetness in my panties just remembering what he allowed me to do to him in the back seat of his car. It was pity sex. And at the time, I didn’t care. I would have given anything to have him just once, and it was worth it.

“It just happened,” I say although I’m not sure it just happened. I knew what I was doing. “In the back seat of his car.”

“What?” she asks, laughing. “You had car sex?” She slaps my arm. “You’re such a naughty girl.”

I look away from her in embarrassment. Ashlyn and I don’t talk about my sex life. “Wait ...” she says, starting to put the dates together.

“I cheated on Conner with Jaycent,” I whisper, clarifying what she is already figuring out.

“Becca ...”

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