Page 31 of Myself

The next moment, my hand is ripped away from his dick and shoved above my head; held down by his. I arch my back as I suck in a breath. “Is this what you want?” he asks, taking his free hand and rubbing his cock along my wet pussy.

I nod my head quickly. “Yes.”

He pushes forward, slowly filling me. My neck arches, and I moan at how good he feels. Neither one of us mention a condom, and I’m sure as hell not gonna tell him to pull out. I’m on birth control, and we didn’t use one last time either.

His hand releases mine and cups my breast. My hands find their way to his hair, and I yank as hard as I can, making him hiss in a breath.

“Fuck, Becca.” His hips move back and forth, and I arch mine to meet them. He lets go of my breast and places his arm underneath my left knee, lifting my leg up to spread me wider for him. He thrusts forward with more force, and my breath catches in my throat as he hits the spot that has me crying out. He places his weight on me, and his face goes to my neck, kissing it and biting it. I wrap my arms around his back, trying to pull him closer to me. Needing more of him.

“God,” I pant as he picks up his pace and my nails run down his back. His hands find their way under my head, and he grips my hair as his lips trail from my neck to my collarbone. His hips continue to move, and I’m gasping for breath as his hips continue to move. Harder and harder.

His lips find mine, and they’re aggressive. I like it. The feel of them on mine. I’ve wanted them for so long. My hands make their way up his back and into his hair as well, and I turn my head at an angle for him to deepen the kiss. He does, taking my breath away.

He pulls away all of a sudden, and although I’m gasping for air, I’m disappointed when he sits up, my arms falling to my side. He grabs me and pulls me to a sitting position so I’m straddling him. His hands go to my hips this time. And my eyes go heavy as he picks up his pace again. Our bodies slapping together and this new position hitting the right spot.

“I’m coming,” I say breathlessly.

His lips go to my neck, and he softly kisses it. “Come on my cock, baby,” he breathes against my neck. And I do exactly as he asks, yelling out his name.

**

We lie in the dark, curled up to one another. His hand runs through my hair. My phone going off is the only sound in the dark room. I pull away long enough to grab my phone off the nightstand, and the brightness of the screen has my eyes shutting. He reaches up and drags my screen down before dimming it for me. I smile over at him and say, “Thanks.” It falls the moment I read the message.

Mom: Lunch tomorrow. I’ll send a car. You know how I hate when someone can’t arrive on time.

I go to respond, and my phone beeps again. This time, it reads a number not saved to my phone. I know it’s Conner.

Unknown: I can’t believe you, Becca. This is over! How could you let Ashlyn embarrass me like that?

I don’t respond as I turn my phone off and then toss it to the side. The darkness blanketing us once again. “You need to change your number,” Jaycent says, and I don’t miss the hint of anger in his voice. He knew who it was. I wasn’t hiding my phone from him.

Instead of responding, I snuggle back against him. I don’t want him to think he has anything to worry about when it comes to Conner. I can’t believe I was with him for as long as I was. Guilt has a way of making you do things you wouldn’t normally do.

“Want me to go with you tomorrow to meet with your mother?” he asks after a long second.

“No,” I say but am thankful he offered. “It would just make things worse,” I admit.

He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me. I cuddle up to his warm body and close my eyes. I never thought it could feel this nice. Even with Conner, things always felt off ... forced even. But I tried my hardest to make it work because I had so much guilt for what I had done with Jaycent four years ago. Now, I realize nothing compares to the real thing.

**

Jaycent snuck out early this morning because he was afraid Ryder would come down to my apartment with Ashlyn. But she didn’t appear until later. I found myself walking into her room while she was getting ready, giddy and wondering just how much they have fallen for one another.

She informed me that she and Ryder were going to lunch, and she asked me if I had heard from Conner last night. Of course, she then brought up me and Jaycent. I totally avoided the conversation because I wasn’t sure what to tell her. I’ve never spoken to her about us before. But how do I tell her I’ve been in love with the man for as long as I can remember and then explain my relationship with Conner? Even I can’t put it into words.

I spent the rest of the morning locked in my room and in the bathroom getting ready. I walked out of the building at exactly noon, and the car my mother sent was already there.

My parents’ driver, who they have had since I was ten, stood by the back door as the rain pours down on him. His black three-piece suit getting soaked. I pop open my umbrella and run over to the car.

“Ms. O’Kane,” he says with a big smile despite the rain. “It’s been a while since I saw you last.”

I nod and smile back even though I want to tell him that I don’t need his services today. I’d much rather drive myself. This is just another way for my mother to control my life. But I also don’t have a car at the moment. “It has.” I nod.

I get into the back seat, closing my umbrella, and once he is behind the wheel, we take off into Manhattan traffic. “Are you glad to be back home?” he asks.

“Yes,” I say, but I’m not really sure if that’s the truth. Honestly, the only reason I’m glad I’m here is Jaycent. And Ashlyn, of course. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have her as a friend. She’s the only one to ever stick up for me until Jaycent.

I should have been mad at him for what he did to Conner in Panama. Just because he felt what Conner did was wrong didn’t mean he had the right to hit him. But a part of me, a very big part of me, was turned on by it. I just wish I could have been there to see it.

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