Page 26 of Myself

I sit down in the seat beside her, my hands still on her face. She continues. “I want to take the money that I didn’t earn, and do something good with it,” she says softly.

She’s nothing like Ryder. He spends his money left and right, always getting the most expensive things in life. But he also works for what he makes now. I’m not saying he doesn’t touch his trust fund, because he does, but Becca has never been that way. “But if I tell my mother that, she’ll be pissed. Tell me that I’m throwing away all her hard-earned money.”

“First of all, she didn’t do a thing to earn that besides lie on her back.” It’s the truth, and she knows it.

“You think she’ll see it that way? No.” She answers her own question and pulls away from me before standing from her chair. “Do you know what I had to do to talk her into letting me go to Seattle?”

I look away from her, hoping that she doesn’t see the anger in my eyes at her questions. I know what her mother did, know about the deal she made with Conner. “No,” I say tightly.

“I had to promise her that I wouldn’t come home. That if I was going to move there for school, then I was going to devote a hundred percent of my time there to make sure I was successful in it.” She hangs her head and whispers, “She never did want a child who failed at something.”

“Becca ...”

“I have this idea that I can open a small store and sell my clothes. And for every sale the store makes, I donate an article of clothing to a shelter here in New York. You know what she would do if she found out I wanted to do that?” she asks, shaking her head. “She would disown me.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” I ask.

Her mouth falls open in disbelief at my words. She doesn’t know it, but she’d be so much better off without her mother in her life. I stand from my chair. “At some point in time, you’re gonna have to grow up and start making your own decisions. And not just do what you think your mother wants.”

She lets out a huff and then runs her fingers through her dark hair. She looks around my kitchen and living room as if lost. When her eyes meet mine, they’re full of tears again.

I walk over to her and grab her hand in mine. “You’re the type of person who can change the world, Becca.” The first tear falls. I reach up and wipe it away with my thumb. “Don’t let one person keep you from helping hundreds, maybe thousands.”

“You really believe that?” she asks, her eyes wide with hope.

I nod and wipe another tear from her cheek. “I do. With everything that I am. You may not know it, but you’ve changed my world.”

“How?” she whispers.

I smile. “By simply being you.” A woman like Becca is hard to find. Men spend their entire lives looking for a woman like this. One who wants to put others first. One who you know will be a loving wife and mother. One who can be your equal while also pushing you to be better. “Tell me you’ll do it.” I wanna hear her have the confidence in herself that I have in her.

She gives me a soft smile as another tear falls down her cheeks. “I’ll do it. For you.”

“I want you to do it for you, Becca,” I tell her. “It’s okay to be selfish.”

CHAPTER SIX

BECCA

The following morning, I’m exiting the elevator on my floor at the Q’s as I read over the message that Jaycent just sent me.

Jayce: I had a great time with you last night. And I would be honored if you would see me again tonight.

I unlock the door as I type back my response.

Me: I had a great time too. And I’d love to.

I walk into my apartment with a smile on my face. I feel like I’m flying. I’ve never met someone who made me feel like anything is possible like Jaycent does. He has this confidence in others that makes it impossible to doubt yourself.

I’ve never told anyone what I want to do. Not even Ashlyn. She would support me one hundred percent, but I never wanted to tell Conner, and I didn’t want her to accidentally let something slip while he was around. We all lived together in Seattle, after all. And our walls were thin.

But I wanted to tell Jaycent. Not because I thought he would support me but because I just needed to get it out. I’m not normally a secretive person, and that secret was eating at me. And he was right; why should I feel ashamed of wanting to help others?

I saw many homeless people in Seattle. It was sad. They were always wet from the rain or cold from the snow. And so many people drove by without even giving them a second look or thought. I always wondered about their stories. Where did they come from? How did they get to this place in their lives? How hard would it be for something like that to happen to any of us? I’ve never known what it was like to live from paycheck to paycheck. We didn’t have an expensive place in Seattle, and Conner bitched about it constantly. He always asked if I had so much money, then why were we living in this dump? It wasn’t a dump. It just wasn’t up to his hoity-toity standards. Ashlyn had already lived there when I met her, and she needed a roommate, so Conner and I moved in. It was that simple. And although my father put money in my account each month, I only ever used my check to pay for the things I wanted and needed. I felt like that money was blood money, which, in a way, it was. My grandfather had died and left it to me and Ryder.

But I often saw homeless people around our apartment and by the campus. I got the idea one night when Conner was driving me home from dinner. A woman sat on the side of the road. The hoodie she wore was dirty and had holes in it. Her jeans too short. She had no shoes on, only socks. And she held a baby in her arms, wrapped in a brown blanket. My heart broke for her. For her baby. I couldn’t sleep that night because she was all I thought about. I had asked Conner to stop, and like usual, he pretended not to hear me. I went back the next morning, and she was gone. I never saw her again, and I wonder what had happened to her.

You see it all the time during the holidays—local weather channels have coat and glove drives for their shelters. Donate a coat, scarf, or gloves to someone who needs them. What if I could supply them with more than that?

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