Page 86 of Myself

I shake my head as another tear falls. “Thank you.” I have to force myself to say the words. She opens her mouth to speak, but I turn around and go back to the elevator. Of course, it’s not fucking there, so I stand there awkwardly for what feels like ten minutes for it to come back up. When the doors open, I get inside and look up to see she is back behind her desk and on her office phone staring at me. Great. She called my dad.

As soon as the elevator comes to a stop and I step out of the open doors, my cell rings. Dad lights up my screen, and I realize Ryder must have given him my new number. “Hello?” I ask finally answering before voicemail picks it up.

“Becca, is everything okay?” he asks in a rush. “Ryder’s assistant just called me and said you showed up at the office crying.”

I sniff as I walk out the front glass doors into the Manhattan madness. “I did.”

“What’s wrong?” he asks again.

“I saw Conner, and he—”

“Are you okay?” he demands, interrupting me. “Did he hurt you?”

“No,” I say, and I feel the tears come faster. “But he said you spoke with him.” I can’t help but cry out, and a man walking by me looks at me as if I’m interrupting his phone call. “He said you are as persistent as Mother. Did you know, Dad?”

“What?”

“Did you know about Mom paying him? Had you been a part of it too?”

I cry.

“What? No, Becca.” I hear some guys talking in the background, and I recognize my brother’s voice as one of them. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” my father says, and then I hear a door open and close.

“Then how did you know about it? Why did you go to Conner?” I demand.

“Jaycent told me.” I hear him suck in a breath and then mumble, “Shit.”

“Jaycent told you that Mom was paying him?” I ask, looking down at the concrete.

“Yes,” comes his simple answer.

“When?” I ask, and my voice shakes.

“Last week.”

I say nothing. My voice silenced at his words. “I had no idea what was going on until then. How could you think I would do that?”

“Because you do everything how you want it,” I say, grinding my teeth. “Neither you nor Mom cares what I want to do with my life. Hell, why do you think I wanted to keep Jaycent a secret? I still won’t even let him tell Ryder. ‘Cause I’m tired of all of you telling me what I can and can’t do.”

“Becca, I—”

“You know I would have stayed in Seattle,” I say, interrupting him. “I loved it there.” I’m starting to think that Ashlyn was right. Neither one of us should have ever left Seattle. “But it was never even a question. You just called and told me that you bought me an apartment and it was time to come back home.” I’m crying so hard I’m having a hard time getting my words out.

“You hate your apartment?”

I don’t answer. I just told him that in my rambling. “And then Conner shows up today and tells me that I wasn’t worth what my mother paid him,” I scream, and a woman who could be my mother looks at me in surprise as she walks by on her phone. “You know what that makes me feel like?” I demand. “Do you know what that makes me think of myself?” I cry out.

“Becca.” He says my name softly. “Please calm down. Sweetheart.”

I cry harder at his words because he’s never sounded more like a father. “I’m sorry, Dad,” I whisper, placing my hand over my mouth.

“Don’t apologize,” he says. “Don’t be sorry for letting it all out,” he says, and I nod my head as if he can see me. “Where are you?” he asks.

I suck in a long breath, trying to calm my nerves. “Standing outside your building. Why?”

“Stay right there. Okay? Don’t leave,” he orders then hangs up.

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