Page 74 of Myself

He sighs. “I don’t know. Ten, maybe fifteen.”

“Fifteen women?” I ask wide-eyed, and my stomach knots.

“I’m not proud of it, but what was I supposed to do? You left me. I was mad. Hurt. I didn’t know how to deal with that, so I slept with random women.” I swallow the lump in my throat, and he walks over to me. “That’s not what I meant.” He sighs, looking away from me. He licks his lips, and his eyes come back to mine. “It wasn’t your fault. I didn’t know”—he purses his lips—“how to deal with the loss of you.” His hands come up and cup my face. “After that kiss on your eighteenth birthday, things changed for me. And I had this dream of us. Then that night at the graduation party, I had this glimpse of what I had been dreaming of. And I didn’t know how to handle you leaving with Conner.”

“I’m ...” He places a finger over my lips.

“I regret it, but they meant nothing. No one has ever meant to me what you do,” he says softly.

My heart pounds faster, and I lick my lips. My chest tightens at his honesty, but I nod. “We can’t let Ryder do that to Ashlyn,” I whisper, knowing that if he does, she’ll never go back to him. She’s too prideful. Too strong. She’ll live the rest of her life alone, just to prove a point. And I don’t want that for my brother or my best friend.

He cups my cheek and leans in to kiss me. “It won’t. I’m gonna run home and then go meet him. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I want to tell him to come back here when they leave the bar, but I know it’s not possible. Ryder will come back to the Q’s, and I don’t want him to wonder why Jaycent is coming back with him. But I also worry that Ryder may go to someone else’s place. That he may find a random woman like he did that night on the beach with Ashlyn. That makes me sick to my stomach.

After Jaycent leaves, I softly knock on Ashlyn’s bedroom door. When she doesn’t answer, I check to see if it’s locked and gently push it open when I find it’s not. “Ashlyn?” I call out. Her bed is made but empty. Harry lies on it tucked into a ball with his eyes closed. A soft light shines under the bathroom door open, so I go over to it. I open it and look around but don’t see Ashlyn. I go to shut the door, thinking maybe she’s in the kitchen, when my eyes catch the water on the floor. Looking at the bathtub, I see it’s full, and as I look closer, I see Ashlyn emerged.

I run over to the tub and drop to my knees. “Ashlyn?” I call out, seeing her completely underwater. When she makes no move, I reach in, grab her arm, and yank her up.

She gasps as water splashes over the side of the tub and onto the floor, soaking my clothes.

“What in the hell are you doing?” I ask as my heart races.

She runs her hands over her face, pushing her wet hair back. She opens her eyes and looks over at me. “I just needed a moment to be alone,” she says breathing heavy. “You scared me.”

“I scared you?” I ask wide-eyed. “You scared me.” I can’t imagine anything happening to her. She’s not only my best friend, but I already consider her a sister.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” she says softly. “I just needed some silence.”

“Did it help?” I ask as I finally calm down and sit on her bathroom floor, not caring about the water. I’m already soaked.

“No,” she responds, looking down into the water. “I can’t shut off my mind.”

Her hair and face are wet, and even I can still make out the tears running down her cheeks. “It’s gonna be okay,” I tell her.

“I messed up,” she whispers.

“No, you didn’t. Ryder should have let you explain.”

She shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have had to explain. He should have already known what was going on.”

“This isn’t your fault,” I tell her, reaching up and touching her arm softly. It’s cold.

“Then whose is it?” she demands, yanking her arm from me. “Someone is always at fault, Becca. Always. And this is on me.” She slides farther down into the water and places the back of her head on the tub.

I look down at the floor and see her bracelet, lying in one the puddles. “You took it off,” I say as I pick it up.

“Yes. You can give it back to him,” she says, not even bothering to look over at me.

I stand and turn, placing it on the counter. “No,” I say. She looks over at me, and a fresh tear falls down her face. “You can give it to him.” I decide I’m not going to let her wallow in her pity. I’m gonna help her get through this even if it tears us apart. “Get your ass up. Get dressed and meet me in the living room in thirty.”

“Becca, I’m not in the mood,” she says, shaking her head.

“And I’m not in the mood to watch you be this woman who gives a man so much power.” She sighs. “This is not you, Ashlyn.” She pulls her knees to her chest, the water splashing around at her movement. “I’m calling in Chinese, and I’m opening a bottle of wine. We’re gonna sit on the couch, drink, and watch a movie. You’ve got thirty minutes,” I repeat and then walk out, leaving her no chance to argue.

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JAYCENT

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