Page 68 of Myself

“Ballsy,” she says, referring to me and Jaycent on the deck as she removes a carton of eggs.

“It’s getting harder to hide it,” I say honestly. What if she had been Ry?

“No shit.”

“He wants to tell Ryder,” I whisper.

“And you’re not ready?” She grabs a bowl and starts cracking the eggs.

I shake my head. “Ry will be so pissed.” I take a deep breath. “But Jaycent keeps bringing it up. Like every second. If I keep putting it off, he may walk away.” Would he do that? Would he tell me never mind on moving in together and just break it off altogether? How would I feel if someone kept denying me? Pretty awful. That thought makes my stomach sink.

“I doubt that,” she says.

“I don’t wanna hurt Ry. But Jaycent and I should be able to be together. Jaycent makes it sound like he needs Ry’s blessing,” I huff. Is that why he cares so much? Because he needs Ry’s approval? I mean I’ve already told him I’m going to move in with him. Why does it matter what Ry thinks?

“Maybe he does.”

“Well, I don’t,” I snap. I run a hand through my hair. Last night is still fresh on my mind. I wanna tell her what else I found out after talking to Vicki, but I don’t. That’s another embarrassment I don’t want to relive. If I told her what my mother did, she would go crazy. She would tell Ryder and then that would once again lead to him finding out about me and Jaycent. I hate how our lives are joined. If one secret gets out, then all will be leaked. “I feel like time is running out,” I say honestly. How long will Jaycent wait?

“Can you get me the milk, please?” she asks, and I know it’s just to distract me. But I do it anyway.

I hand it to her, and I wrap my hand around her wrist. She hisses in a breath when I squeeze it harder than I mean to. Loosening my grip, I see marks around them. I refuse to ask what they are from. I don’t care what kind of kinky shit her and Ry are into. I look up at her, and she smiles. “What?”

I shake my head and lower my eyes. “When did you get this?” I ask, looking down at the bracelet I’ve never seen her wear before.

“Last night,” she answers happily.

“The bracelet,” I say, making sure she knows what I’m referring to.

“Last night,” she repeats.

I release her wrist, and she smiles, looking down at it.

“It’s beautiful,” I tell her.

“I agree.”

“But then again, everything from Tiffany’s is,” I say, trying not to smile that my brother bought her something from Tiffany’s. I’ve never known him to buy a girl anything. Not even when he was in high school.

Her hand drops, and she looks up at me. “Tiffany’s?” she asks, and I nod. He didn’t tell her. “The Tiffany’s and Company?”

I nod slowly. “Yes.” She starts shaking her head as if she doesn’t believe me, so I grab her wrist and turn the heart charm over to where she can read the back of it. Tiffany & Co.

“He didn’t tell me where it came from,” she growls. “He knows how I feel about the money—”

I doubt she knows it’s platinum either. I won’t spoil that for her. “Ashlyn,” I interrupt her, needing her to understand something. After the conversation I had with my mother last night, I know their relationship is going to be just as hard to fight for. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to think I’m taking his side.” Jaycent once said he would choose my side over Ryder’s, and I remember telling him that it shouldn’t be about sides. But he was right. There’s always a side to choose.

Her brow rises. “His side?”

“You have to understand where Ry and I came from. Our parents were never around. My father means well, and well, my mother just wants everyone to see her.” I frown, hating that choice of words. I should have said something harsher, but she would question it. “Ry doesn’t understand how to show someone he cares about them.”

“Becca.”

“Just wait. I learned a lot from you and your parents over the past four years. I realized what love looks like. I understand when someone said a hug could change your entire day. But Ry still doesn’t know what that’s like. He’s like my father. Money saves the day. He may have bought you that bracelet, but I know he bought it with the purest of intentions.” He’s learning. And in all honesty, I think he’s doing a great job with nothing to go off. He’s trying his best.

“What are you saying?” she asks, running her fingers over the crown charm.

“I’m saying don’t be mad at him for doing the only thing he knows.”

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