Page 67 of Myself

My shoulders slump and a sob wracks my body. I unwrap my arms around myself and bury my face in my hands. His arms wrap around my shoulders, and he pulls me to him. His hand runs up and down my back as my tears cover his button up. His lips touch my hair as he kisses me. Then he pulls away, bends down, and picks me up. With one arm behind my back and the other under my knees, he carries me back to our cabin.

**

I wake the following morning to see Jaycent sleeping in front of me. I feel a little better than when I went to bed. I still hate my mother, and I’m pretty sure I’ll never forgive her, but Jaycent? I can’t really blame him. I can’t imagine what kind of guilt he must have had knowing that his father slept with my mom. And he blames himself for the past four years of my pointless relationship. It’s not his fault. We both went our separate ways not knowing all the secrets and lies we were told.

I pull him closer to me and bury my head into his bare chest. I feel it rumble as his lips gently kiss my hair. “Good morning,” he says roughly.

“Morning,” I say softly.

He pulls away from me, and his light brown eyes search my face. “How do you feel this morning?”

“Not much better.”

He sighs. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I feel we have another situation to take care of.”

“What?” I ask, pulling away from him and sitting up. I’ve got a pounding headache as if I’d been drinking all night. I wish that were the case.

“We need to tell Ryder.” I start shaking my head quickly. “Yes. Your father knows. Now, Vicki knows. Your mother knows. We need to tell him before someone else does.”

I shove off the covers and get out of bed. “I’m not telling him, Jaycent.” He lets out a growl. “Not now. Not after what happened last night between him and Ashlyn.” In the rush of getting from the salon to out here, I had forgotten a bag.

“Becca ...” He sits up and runs a hand through his dark, disheveled hair. “There’s never going to be a good time.”

“There will be a better time than now,” I snap, grabbing my dress off the floor. I wish I could say he ripped it off me last night, but that didn’t happen.

“So what? What happens if he finds out from someone else?”

“We deny it,” I say simply, pulling it over my head.

“No,” he growls. “We are not going to play this game.” I ignore him as I walk into the adjoining bathroom. “Becca,” he snaps.

“No, Jaycent,” I shout, walking back out of it to face him. “We are not telling him, and that is that!” Then I open the door, walking out of the room altogether, and slam it shut behind me.

I make my way out onto the upper deck and walk to the back of the boat. The same place where I had spoken to my mother. The sun is coming up, and I can see the dock from here. And I wonder where my phone is down there, and if it’s close to Vicki’s. I actually smile. It’s nice not to have one.

The wind blows my hair around, tangling it, and I push it back from my face. I can feel him walking up behind me before he even speaks. “I’m just trying to make things easier on you,” he says as he comes up beside me.

I turn to face him. “Then maybe you should stop pushing me to do things that I’m not ready to do.”

He reaches up, placing his hands in my hair and holding it back, so I don’t have to. His eyes search mine. I lick my lips, just wanting to end this conversation. I’m so tired of talking about this. “Kiss me,” I demand softly. His light brown eyes drop to my lips. “Please, kiss me ...”

His lips are on mine before I can even finish begging. I open wide for him, and he pushes my back against the railing. One hand leaves my face and grabs my thigh; he lifts it up, and his hardness presses into my lower belly. And my anger returns from last night. The fact that I went to bed crying instead of him being inside me. One more reason for me to hate my mother. Last night should have been magical, and it ended up being a nightmare. She’s already affecting our relationship.

“Beautiful morning, isn’t it?”

We pull away quickly, and I wipe my lips with the back of my hand. Jaycent coughs as he looks anywhere but at Ashlyn as she stands at the top of the stairs looking right at us. She wears her black dress from last night, but you can tell it spent the night wadded up in a corner rather than hung up in a closet. Her blond hair sticks out and up, and the wind doesn’t help its freshly fucked look. At least, someone got lucky last night.

“Becca, I’m gonna see what I can find to cook for breakfast. Wanna help me?”

I nod as I walk away from Jaycent and pass her. I make my way through my brother’s boat and to the kitchen in silence. As we enter the kitchen, we find the staff has already started cooking.

“Get out,” she says.

They all turn toward her with looks of confusion. She points at the door with her thumb. “Get out,” she repeats. “You’re off for the day.”

They look at me as if I can tell them to stay. I’m not sure where she wants them to go. We’re on a boat, but I’m not going to tell her that. She’s in a mood. She claps her hands loudly, and they scatter.

She opens the fridge and goes through it. I walk over to her and lean my back against the counter and sigh.

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