Page 41 of Myself

She throws her hands up in the air. “I don’t wanna discuss this.” This time, she’s the one who goes to walk off, but I stop her.

“Oh, no. We’re gonna talk about it,” I snap. “Answer the question,” I demand.

Her lips thin, and she yanks her hand from my hold. “Like you don’t already know.” She jams a finger in my chest.

“I don’t know,” I say, spreading my hands out wide to my side. “If I fucking knew what your problem was, I would have fixed it four years ago.”

Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls open. “My problem?” she asks. “My problem? I didn’t have a problem.” She tries to shove me, but I stay planted. “You were the one who lied to me,” she shouts.

“How did I lie to you?” I ask confused as fuck.

“You fed me full of so much bullshit that next morning—”

“No, I didn’t,” I interrupt her.

She throws her head back, laughing as if I’m funny. “You really thought you could get away with it.”

“With what?” I demand.

“Jasmine came and saw me, Jaycent. She told me everything.”

“Jasmine? Jasmine what ...?” I ask, shaking my head. “Why would she come and see you?” We had been broken up for six months by the time I slept with Becca. Sure, I still heard from her. She may have been the one to break up with me, but she didn’t think I was going to let go so easily. She wanted me to chase her. She was pissed when she realized I wasn’t going to.

She crosses her arms over her chest. “So we’re gonna play this game?” she asks, arching a brow.

“What game, Becca?” I ask totally confused. “Why would she come and see you?”

“The game where you pretend you really did care for me. And that you really did want to go to Seattle!” She rolls her eyes.

I wanted her to stay here, but I also offered to go with her. I would have done anything to be with her. “I would have. But you chose Conner.” I throw my hands up in the air. “The man who literally thought nothing of you.” I lower my face to hers. “The man who would rather use you than actually love you.”

She sucks in a long breath, and her eyes start to tear up. Fuck! I take a step back from her and run a hand through my hair. “Yes, I chose Conner,” she whispers. “I chose him because you were already taken.” I look back at her. “You didn’t belong to me. And as much as I wanted you to, you were never going to. I did what was best for you.” Her chest is rising and falling fast now as her eyes are full of tears. The first one just waiting to fall.

“I don’t know what you thought was best for me, but you were what was best for me,” I tell her as I cup her face.

She shakes her head, throwing my hands off. “I felt bad for cheating on Conner, but I could never forgive myself if I had taken you away from her.”

“Who?” I ask, searching her watery eyes.

“Jasmine.”

There’s the mention of my ex-girlfriend again. “I don’t understand what she has to do with this. With us.”

The first tear finally falls, and she brushes it away quickly. “You had walked me to the front door, and after it had shut, I had sat there in the foyer thinking about you. Trying to decide how I was gonna break it off with Conner. And how I was gonna tell my family about us.” She swallows. “I had loved you for so long,” she admits softly. “And you were all I wanted.” She looks up at me, and another tear rolls down her cheek. “And sitting on the cold floor drunk and missing you like crazy, I decided I was going to stay. To tell Conner and my parents to hell with whatever they were gonna say. Because I believe I was meant for you.” I stay quiet, not sure of what to say. I never got that impression when I spoke to her the next morning. When she told me to walk away.

“I must have sat there for ten minutes when there was a knock on the door.” I frown. “And I jumped to my feet so fast, I knocked over my mom’s entry table, breaking a glass vase. But I didn’t care; I answered it, thinking it was you. Wanting to see you one more time. I actually thought that after what we had just done you would want to be with me.”

“I never went back ...”

“I know,” she whispers. “It was Jasmine.”

“She was there?” Becca nods. “What was she there for?”

She looks away from me. “She told me that she had followed us to my house and watched us have sex in the back seat of your car.” She sniffs. “She said that she understood why you would sleep with me. You pitied me.”

“Becca, that’s not true.”

She looks up at me, and her teary eyes make my heart squeeze. “She told me that she already forgave you. Then she rubbed her stomach and told me that she was pregnant with your baby.” My eyes widen. “And that she wanted you to sleep with me because it wasn’t going to happen again. You had bought her a ring and proposed. And that I might have had you in the back of your car, but she was going to have you forever.”

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