Page 40 of Myself

“Hello, Ms. O’Kane,” a woman says cheerfully. “I have a Mr. Conner Links here requesting to come up.”

“Go ahead and let him up,” she tells her and then hangs up. She stares down at her phone and sighs heavily. “I need to call Ashlyn and let her know he is coming up.”

I turn and walk off to my bathroom, needing to throw some cold water on my face. I turn on the sink and hear her talking to Ashlyn. She sounds so timid. Unsure. I hate that he has the power to do that to her. That after all their time together, with one phone call, he still holds that power. So much for hitting my chest and feeling like a god. No matter what I do, Conner has the power to come and beat me.

She says her goodbye to Ashlyn and then walks in and leans up against the doorway. I yank the blue towel from the rack and wipe the water off my face. “Are you mad at me now?” she asks softly.

“Doesn’t matter what I think,” I say and walk toward the doorway. She moves in time to allow me space to walk back into the bedroom.

“Jaycent.” She follows me. “I don’t wanna do this.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have answered his fucking call,” I spit out.

I pick my shirt up off the floor and place it back on as well and then sit on the side of the bed to put on my shoes. She comes to stand in front of me. “Why are you mad at me?” she asks. “I’m not seeing him. I’m not even talking to him.”

“You just answered his phone call.”

She growls and places her hands on her hips. “He needed something ...”

“He’s fucking playing you,” I shout standing from the bed. I know I shouldn’t be this mad over Conner. I have the girl. But when it comes to that man, I’m jealous. She picked him over me, and that’s always going to sting.

She steps to me. “What is this really about?”

“It’s about you and him. I’m not hiding that,” I answer flatly.

Her green eyes narrow on me. “You think I’m hiding something?”

“I don’t know what to think,” I say, walking around her. She grabs my upper arm, and I decide to stop; she couldn’t hold me back even if she wanted to. So I turn to face her.

“You think I’m cheating on you with him?” she demands.

I shrug carelessly. “It’s not too much of a stretch. You did cheat on him with me.”

She gasps at my words. “I’m not!” she shouts. “I would never do that to you. To us.”

My brows pull together. “I just find it funny how after he leaves you, you come crawling back to me.” I can’t help the words as they come out. Everything I’ve been thinking comes out like a running faucet. I’m going to drown myself in them.

“That’s not what happened,” she says softly.

“Then what did happen?” I ask, raising my arms out to my side. “Because all of a sudden I’m all you’ve ever wanted.”

“I’ve always wanted you,” she shouts angrily. “But you weren’t available. You pushed me away like I was some little child.”

“That’s because you were,” I shout back.

She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “I wasn’t too young to fuck!”

I run a hand through my hair and let out a long breath, trying to calm my anger. “Yeah, well, that’s a mistake we both made.”

“And last night? I guess that was a mistake as well?”

“You tell me.”

She uncrosses her arms, and they fall to her side. “I thought you would be different.” My brows lift in surprise knowing where she’s going with that statement. “That you would be more mature and treat me better.”

“Treat you better?” I ask, trying not to laugh at her statement. “I haven’t cheated on you. In fact, I was the one who asked you to stay.” I step to her. “I was the one who begged you to stay here, to be with me, and you walked away with that fucker,” I shout.

Her nostrils flare, and her bottom lip quivers. She bites on it and looks away from me. “Why did you choose him?” I can’t help but ask. “Why after what we did in my car that night. After that kiss we shared at your birthday party? After what I read in your diary, why did you pick him over me?” I shouldn’t mention the diary. She was only eleven then, but it all added up to that moment the morning after we had sex for the first time in my car when she told me goodbye.

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