Page 29 of Myself

Her head falls back as his lips go to her neck and her right foot lifts off the ground. My eyes trail down over her exposed legs until I reach her bright red high heels. I imagine ripping that dress off, but the heels stay on while she lies face down on the table bent over the side. Me standing behind her.

“What’s going on?”

I jump when I hear Ryder behind me. I spin around to see his arm over a woman’s shoulder. Her lipstick smeared along with her black mascara. Not to the point it looks obvious, but I can tell. “Nothing,” I say, trying to adjust my hard-on without anyone noticing.

I hear Jasmine huff, and then she storms off. “What’s wrong with her?” Ryder asks.

I sigh and follow after her. “Jasmine. Wait,” I call out as we make our way down the long hallway.

She comes to a stop at the door and turns to face me. “You know it’s sickening how you look at her.”

My jaw tightens. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, lying.

She huffs. “Sure, you don’t. You know how disgusting it is to watch your boyfriend want a child?”

I never looked at her that way while she was underage. I don’t know what is happening. I’ve never ever in a million years thought of her in any way other than my best friend’s little sister. “I don’t—”

“Oh, please,” she interrupts me. “All you ever do is take up for her. You watch every move she makes, and then whenever her boyfriend hurts her, you beat his ass like you’re her brother.”

She’s right. I sigh. “What do you want me to do? Someone needs to watch out for her.”

She snorts. “You know if that’s how you feel, then go right ahead.” Then she turns and opens the door.

“Where are you going?” I ask.

“I’m done, Jaycent,” she calls out, and I don’t stop her. Years of our relationship over because I can’t keep my eyes and thoughts to only her. And instead of feeling bad that she just walked away, I head back to the party. I guess you can say we were serious. We said I love you, but after being together for so long, that’s kind of expected. I never planned to marry her. In all honesty, it was just sex. A for sure way to get laid. And deep down, I know she felt the same way.

I enter the game room, and I search for Becca. I find her in the corner, her back against the wall and Conner in her face. He’s pissed. She’s crying. He leans down into her ear and whispers something, and she shoves him away before she runs off to the bathroom. He turns, grabs a drink, and starts laughing while he mingles with his buddies and her friends.

I set my empty drink down on a table and head after her.

That was the night I kissed her in the bathroom. That night, had it just been me and her, I would have gone all the way with her. Once again, Conner was right—I took advantage of a situation. And if given a chance, I’d do it again.

**

Three hours later, I exit the elevator on the girls’ floor as Ashlyn waves and giggles to us. She’s drunk, and it’s quite comical. Ryder definitely has his hands full.

Becca opens the door to their apartment and laughs herself. “I’m surprised Ryder didn’t question you getting off with me.”

“You have Ashlyn to thank for that,” I say, walking in behind her.

“I think it’s cute,” she says, looking up at me. Her eyes a little bloodshot from drinking.

I lock the door behind me. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” She drops her purse on the kitchen counter and spins around to face me again. She leans her hip up against it, and her arms cross over her chest. Her face grows serious as her lips thin. “What?” I ask, placing my hands in the pockets of my slacks.

“What did she mean when we ran into Conner, and she said you took care of him last time?”

I sigh and shake my head. “She was drunk—”

“No, she wasn’t,” she interrupts me. “Not yet anyway.”

My chest tightens at that. I was hoping Becca would forget what was said. I hate that Ashlyn said anything because I feel like the littlest thing could tear Becca away. That she’ll open her eyes and realize I’m not what she wants. She’s admitted to me before how much she loves me. I don’t think she remembers it, but I do. Yet she still pushed me away for years. And every part of me felt that separation. I’m not sure I could handle it again. “I should go. In case Ryder comes down here.”

I turn to face the door, and she is in front of me the next moment. Her arms out wide along with her feet. It’s cute that she thinks she could stop me. Her arms drop to her side, and she actually smiles up at me. “Have I ever told you how you make me feel?”

I reach out and place my hands on her hips. I can’t keep from touching her. “No.”

She licks her lips, and all I can think about is running my tongue along them before pushing it into her mouth, stealing her breath away. “When I’m with you, I feel like I can truly be me. That I don’t have to hide who I am or what I feel.” Her hands come up and cup my face. “I want you to feel the same way, Jayce.”

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