Page 19 of Myself

“Yes,” he says through gritted teeth.

I shake my head as I let out a little laugh. “You know what, Conner? You surprise me.”

He looks up at me, the tears falling down his cheeks, the cut across his nose bleeding and his lip swelling. I should be proud of this moment, but instead, I feel nothing but pure rage. “How so?”

My face hardens, and he tries to push himself into the wall, knowing I’m about to finish him off. “Because you are a better liar than I ever gave you credit for.” Four years, he’s been making money off her. Her mother practically pimped her out like a fucking whore. All because she didn’t want her to end up with me. I know why. She fucking hates me. She thinks I could destroy her. So she chose to save her own ass by throwing her daughter to the wolves. Becca and Ryder don’t know what I do. I had no reason to tell them what I saw eleven years ago. Now, it wouldn’t even matter so I’m not so sure why her mother would care.

I stand and offer him my hand. He stares up at it with concern. “Take it,” I say.

He licks the blood off his lip and then slowly takes it. I yank him to his feet and then shove his back into the wall. He raises his hand in surrender. “I ... I told you everything I know,” he says in a rush.

“And you think that makes this okay?” I shout in his face, my hands clenching his shirt. “You’ve been using her.” My body shakes with so much hatred for this man.

“You would have done the same given a chance,” he says, lifting his chin like he has some fucking dignity. I shake my head. “Oh yeah, you did it that night in your car. You took advantage of her, and it kills you that she so easily told you to go to hell afterward.”

I yank him away from the wall, let go of his shirt as he stumbles on his feet, and then punch him in the face again. He hits the counter, his hands knocking a basket off and onto the floor where he comes to lie beside it.

I breathe heavily as I stare down at him on his side, moaning in pain.

I shake out my hand, my knuckles split and bloody.

My head snaps up when I hear a toilet flush. An older man with silver hair walks out and slowly makes his way to the sink. He’s dressed in a dark blue business suit. He wears a name tag on the front of the jacket, and I see the resort logo above his name. He works here. Probably the front desk.

He meets my eyes in the mirror. “Don’t mind me,” he says. “I would have done no different.” He finishes washing his hands and then steps over Conner who’s still sprawled on the floor.

I turn and walk out, heading out to the beach. I need some fresh air, even if it is raining, as I try to figure out what to do with this new information. I can’t tell Ryder I know, and I can’t just come out and tell Becca what her mother did. But now that Conner’s gone, who the hell is she gonna find next to do her dirty work?

CHAPTER FOUR

BECCA

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I wonder what a smoker feels feel like after they quit. Do they feel healthier? Or is all their time consumed with the withdrawals? Do they have the shakes? Maybe pick up a new habit of chewing gum or eating more? I’ve never smoked a day in my life, but I imagine all cravings are the same. Hell, I’m addicted to coffee. I love the taste and the smell. I have to have it first thing in the morning. If I don’t, I get cranky.

I lean my head against the small, cold window as we come into New York. The lights of the town below almost blinding. It’s been a week since Conner left me in Panama, and I haven’t had any major withdrawals. Of course, I had my breakdown that night at the hotel, and I wasn’t any better the next day while we flew home either. But it all changed when we arrived in Seattle. Finding his stuff gone was my answer. He was gone. For good. And since that moment, I haven’t looked back. He text me a few times here and there, but I have done well not to respond to most of them.

It’s like I’m breathing fresh air again when before, I was trying to run in the rain. The water soaks your clothes and weighs you down, but now, it’s sunny every day, and my clothes are dry.

Ashlyn gets my attention as she rubs her palms together beside me and I turn to look at her sitting in her seat. “Nervous?” I ask her.

She shakes her head, but I can see it on her face. “You’re gonna love it,” I reassure her as I pat her knee.

She smiles at me, and I return it. I don’t know what I would have done in Seattle for the past four years without her. She’s like the sister I never had. And her family was just as welcoming as she was. They’ve become my parents over the time I spent there. I always wanted to know what it would be like to be able to make your own decision and be supported, and they did that for me. I’m truly going to miss them.

She leans over my lap to look out the window. It’s dark outside. We’ve been flying most of the day, but we’ve finally arrived in New York. “It’s so pretty,” she says in awe.

“Just wait till we get down there,” I say with a smile, looking down over the glowing city and water. We’re almost there ... “There’s nothing like it,” I say, and then we’re landing.

Thirty minutes later, we’re waiting for our luggage at the baggage claim when I turn around to see my brother walk in through the revolving glass doors. I can see his SUV parked curbside through the glass and his driver standing by it.

“Welcome home, B,” he says before wrapping his arms around me. I close mine tightly as I hug him back. God, I’ve missed him so much. The best part about being back in New York is getting to be close to him again.

He gives me a kiss on the cheek and then lets me go. He walks on to greet Ashlyn, and I smile as he pulls her in for a long kiss. I look away as I hear her moan. Too personal for me.

“Hello, Becca.”

I spin around to see Jaycent standing a few feet from me. His hands are in the pockets of his dark gray dress slacks, and my knees weaken. I used to remember loving this look on him. The man looks good in anything, but when he’s dressed up, my mouth waters. “Jaycent,” I say in surprise. “I didn’t know you were coming,” I say stupidly.

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