Page 35 of Phoenix Fire

“No, dear, I'll be fine. When it gets too much, Wardley will bring me a pill. I'm talking so much, but it helps me for you to know my thoughts. Though our time together has been brief, Jenny, I have no doubts in my judgment of you. Besides, it's all a bit conspiratorial, our meeting, in knowing that you will be there for Jason at my passing. So, unless you're pressed for time, please let this old lady ramble on just a little longer.”

“There's nothing I need to do, Grandma Myrena. Being here with you is all that matters to me right now. Just don't suffer too long with the pain.” Jenny sadly smiled, encouraging Myrena on.

“Bless you, child. You are so understanding. I will not suffer long, nor will I make you suffer too much longer. Just a few more things.

“You have mentioned that Jason has not been in touch with you. Perhaps it is the impact of Carlton's death, but it is possible that he somehow knows of my cancer and has begun his 'denial' and 'anger' phase. It could be that the death of Carlton and his discovery of my terminal cancer are taking him to an awful emotional edge. Whatever he is going through at this time, I pray that you have the strength to ride it out. When his emotions are spent, he will be in desperate need of you.

“You know of his pet project, 'Apple Brown Betty.' He has put so much of his young life into this dream and there is still so much left to do. If he does not complete this project his life will be incomplete and unhappy.

“Jason is young, talented, entrepreneurial, and very smart, but he has a hidden weakness.” Myrena sighed, flinched slightly, and took a sip of tea. She gave a hand motion to Jenny to stay seated. “Behind his bold, aggressive front he has a deep sense of fate, kismet, destiny, whatever you wish to call it. He thinks that he reads it well, this kismet, but he is often fooled by it. He perhaps believes in it too much and too often. In other words, he is vulnerable. Yet, he would not admit to this vulnerability. To the world of work he is a strong mover and shaker. Inside, he carries a lot of emotions. He would not ...”

Myrena was suddenly gripped with a piercing pain that lingered and would not be denied. This time she did not raise her hand to preclude Jenny coming to her side.

Jenny knelt on the carpet, her hand resting softly on Myrena's wrinkled arm. “What can I do?” Jenny moved to hold Myrena's bent body in her arms.

“It will pass,” Myrena whispered, “but please call for Wardley. There, on the console. Ask him to bring my medication. He will know what to do.”

Jenny hurriedly pushed the call button on the console.

After the pain pill was taken, when the worst of the pain had subsided, Jenny thought that Myrena looked even older than when she arrived. Jenny wanted to ask so many questions of Myrena but felt that it would further distress her.

After Wardley had determined that Myrena had made it through another painful session he cleared the small table of cups, plates, uneaten finger sandwiches, and utensils. Upon leaving the sun room he suggested that Myrena soon consider a nap.

Myrena had the need to say some last words to Jenny. “What I've tried to say, sweet Jenny, in all my rambling, is that you must be patient and be there for Jason when his denial and anger plays out. You are a dear, loving woman. My only regret is that I won't live to see my beautiful grandchildren. But, who can truly say? Perhaps I will see them from another dimension, see your lives unfold and know that we will all be together again when it is time.”

Jenny sadly left Myrena there in the sun room at the matriarch's urging, the clouds outside the big windows growing dark and ominous. Reluctantly, Jenny left with a heavy heart. She left also with a renewed hope. Grandma Myrena seemed to know with a certainty where Jason's and Jenny's lives were going. Jenny only wished that she could be so certain.

Yes, Jenny had renewed hope, but where was Jason?

Jenny drove back to her apartment with a heavy heartfelt concern for Grandma Myrena and a silent prayer for Jason on her lips, a silent prayer for their love.

Chapter Twenty-three

Nora Hadley put yet another pink telephone message slip into Jason's in-box.

Nora could never remember a time in the years she was with Jason that he neglected the daily demands of his business. The death of his brother had apparently short circuited Jason's will to work. Nora was having a difficult time making the necessary excuses for his absence, or, absences.

The last call to come in was from Phil Langley, Jason's close working associate on 'Apple Brown Betty,' It was the fifth time he had called in the last three days and there was a sense of urgency in his voice on the last call. It seemed the local petitioning group against 'Apple Brown Betty' was getting a better head of steam than was originally thought. Also, there were some building code issues to get settled and a license stipulation to discuss.

Nora had only heard from Jason once in the last three days. She was not only frustrated but very concerned about her boss and her friend. She had developed a large fondness for Jason during her employ and she felt so inadequate in helping him in his time of need. She knew that Carlton's death was a terrible pain chewing at his insides but she could not help him.

Despite Carlton's death, Nora was surprised at Jason's current behavior. He appeared so strong of will and character that Nora would have thought him impervious to this degree of emotional stress. His current behavior was just so totally unlike him. She surmised that it only proved that no one was really immune to life's hard times.

Two more calls came in from sub-contractors. Mrs. Wimsley called again, also looking for Jason. Jenny Mason had called several times as well. Nora was starting to panic. Even she could not reach Jason at his home number and she was running out of excuses.

Nora sighed and thought, 'I will tell anyone who calls that he has taken some extended time off because of his brother's death.' People should be able to understand that. Nora just wished that Jason would let her know what was going on.

“Where are you, Jason?” she said to an empty reception room.

*****

It was an apathetic numbness that shrouded him. It was an alien set of urges, impulses which had overwhelmed him, and he was loath to resist them.

The people he loved were deserting him. Though he knew it must be an irrational thought, it was there. His brother had closed their sibling ledger before he could balance the books, had died before Jason could make a nebulous peace, before, in effect, he could ease his conscience.

The grief laid upon him in oppressive folds. He had never known such melancholy of spirit, had never expected that his life could turn on him so quickly. Deep within his grief he knew that he had not tried hard enough with Carlton. For it now to be too late to make amends, too late to alter their contentious sibling path, made him sink even lower into the mire of his self-contempt.

And the women he loved! It would have been the strength of his Grandma Myrena he would have sought in these black moments, but she was dying, too. The thought of her dying brought flashes of anxiety and thickened the bleak morass engulfing him. She had always been there for him, had always been his anchor in any storm, his calm and patient cove of conciliation. He was bewildered and lost by the swift currents of change in his heretofore stable existence.

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