Page 30 of Phoenix Fire

“I will stay until you arrive. Someone should be here, don't you think?”

“Yes, thank you, Jenny. It's appreciated.”

“Jason, are you all right? I'm so sorry about this. I want to be with you through this. Is that okay?”

“Yes, I'm fine, Jenny. There's no reason for you to be sorry. You didn't put Carlton there in the hospital.” He paused again. “It's just that I wonder why …” He stopped, started again. “Oh, well, it has happened. I'll be there shortly, and, thanks again, Jenny, for not calling Grandma Myrena.”

*****

When their conversation ended Jenny felt an odd displacement. The last few minutes of their phone visit, Jason had sounded so strained, so distant and remote. Was it simply that Carlton's mugging had made him sound so detached from her? That was certainly likely, but she had felt an odd sensation. What was it? What did she sense in his voice? Was it irritation? Was it disappointment? It was something unrelated to Carlton which she had picked up from Jason. It was something directed at her. While she could not pinpoint the emotion exactly, she knew that it was there. Perhaps it was the early morning hour. Maybe he was not a 'morning person,' and add to that the devastating news she had delivered. Maybe he did not understand how she happened to be at the hospital. Maybe he thought … No, he would not think that …

A new cavalcade of thoughts paraded by. She thought of Carlton's attempts at wooing her, the 'chance' encounter at the cafeteria, the telephone calls which had upset her so much, his oppressive and arrogant 'come on' behavior. Perhaps she felt guilty! Perhaps she was reading something into Jason's words, or lack of words, that was not there. Maybe it was her own guilt that she felt.

That was ludicrous, she thought. Why should she feel guilty? She had done nothing to feel guilty about. Was it the fact that she had not conveyed to Jason his brother's tasteless behavior toward her, his acts of seduction? She wanted to tell Jason about the cafeteria incident and the phone calls but had not wanted to cause any problems. She had not wanted to sound like an offended schoolgirl. She was, after all, a grown woman. If she would just allow the Carlton moments to pass there would be no more unfortunate occurrences. That was the adult way to handle it. And, certainly, she should not be trying to explain all of this to Jason now, when his brother lay critically wounded in an intensive care unit of St. Joseph's Hospital.

Jenny sat in the corner of the ER waiting room, feeling depressed and remotely disassociated. She could not fully understand the unease that had settled within her. She knew that she loved Jason Prince, that the magic of their meeting and their moments together were real, were very special, and were worthy of their careful maintenance. She must shelter her love for Jason from the dangerous thoughts. 'God! The mind can surely confound. What a marvelous yet devious piece of machinery.'

She remembered the lightning experience and the dream of light. It was a most beautiful light. She thought of her father and mother. She thought of her father's subtle and lovely symbolism, 'Butterflies and Jellybeans.' A soft pensive smile came.

Chapter Twenty

Jenny rushed to meet him as he came through the heavy glass entry doors of the ER. She touched his arm and gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him she was sorry about Carlton.

She felt again a remoteness about Jason, as she had earlier over the phone. He was little else but civil as he asked to see his brother.

Police officer Donahue had left the hospital but had given a card to Jenny and asked her to have Jason call him at the precinct office.

There was a new intern tending to Carlton when Jason and Jenny arrived at the IC room. To Jenny, there appeared to be little or no change in Carlton. He still had a jumble of tubes coming out of his body. His face bruises raw and ugly against his pallid skin and the white sheets of the gurney.

The new doctor's name was Seeley. Dr. Seeley finished his examination of Carlton, checked his clipboard, said something to the attending nurse, then turned to Jason and Jenny.

“You are the brother?” the doctor asked, with the normal hospital solemnity.

“Yes, I'm Jason Prince.” Jason extended his hand to Dr. Seeley and neglected to introduce Jenny. “What is the prognosis, Dr. Seeley? Will my brother survive?”

Jason glanced only briefly at Carlton. It was obviously difficult for him to see his brother so incapacitated and vulnerable. There was something about Carlton's face that reminded Jason of an earlier time, when they were kids in the desert. The cant of Carlton's face now had the same wistful mixture of sadness and something akin to fear that was there years ago in their play time. A lump formed in Jason's throat.

The hospital room was filled with beeping sounds and an offensive malodorous air filled with merging medicines and body fluids. Jason was just noticing the physical aspects of the room for the first time since his arrival.

“He remains stable, Mr. Prince. His readings are consistently in acceptable ranges. We believe he will pull through, but, I must add, we are concerned about his head injuries. We want to run a series of tests and do a spinal tap. There is some evidence of amnesic behavior. Despite his comatose appearance, he has been conscious off and on. The intravenous medicines are keeping him heavily sedated.”

Jenny felt awkward, as though she were intrusive by being there in the room with Jason and the doctor. Their conversation seemed to her mind mutually exclusive, with no acknowledgment of her presence. She excused herself and left the room, informing Jason that she would wait for him in the ER lobby. There were no objections, merely a cursory nod of Jason's head.

After Jenny left the room, Jason asked: “Are you expecting these tests to confirm that Carlton has amnesia?”

“We don't really expect them to show any one thing. The tests are rather common, particularly in cases such as your brother's. They are not necessarily conclusive but they can give us some important information. Actually, Mr. Prince, your brother is a very lucky man. He took quite a beating. All in all, his vital signs are very good and, in all likelihood, he will come through this in fine shape. The tests are merely precautionary. When I say, 'we're concerned,' it just means we're going to be thorough. With head trauma from a severe beating like this, it's important to be thorough.”

“Of course, that's the way it should be. Still, I'm getting what feels like mixed signals. Is there something specific about Carlton's injuries that make you concerned?”

“I'm sorry, Mr. Prince. Perhaps it does sound like mixed signals. We doctors can be vague and inarticulate at times. What I'm saying is that, in cases where there has been serious head trauma, it is common medical practice to run tests and check for possible amnesia issues, permanent brain damage, and so forth. It is also a common fact that the body is an amazing piece of machinery. It rights itself in miraculous ways.”

“Okay, maybe it sounds like I'm not hearing you, but I am. It just seems to me that some sign presented itself to you regarding amnesia. Can you tell me about that sign?”

Dr. Seeley maintained his composure even though he thought he had accurately addressed the issue. “Disorientation: blank, confused staring, sudden tearing in the eyes, a sense of panic and anxiety. Again, these symptoms are natural and can be easily explained away, by the acute trauma, the sudden realization that the body is not where it should normally be, with tubes coming out of several parts of the anatomy. Just by awakening and finding this alien environment is enough in and of itself to cause immediate depression. Anyway, the tests will help guide us to proper treatment. If I were a betting man, I would bet that your brother will recover fully from this. Physically, he should be fine. Mentally, I'm not qualified to say. There is no real reason to suspect that he will be mentally or psychologically damaged.”

Jason had never particularly enjoyed his sessions with doctors. To him, they seemed to specialize in double speak. They rambled and used their fancy words to muddle the brains of people who would never know better. Maybe he was being harsh in his feelings about the noble physicians. Maybe it was simply a matter of him being too dense to understand them. It was difficult for him to listen and understand the doctor when he stood above his brother's battered body. It was difficult to separate the emotions he was feeling and the reality in this IC room.

Dr. Seeley could see that Jason Prince was himself traumatized. He could see the pain in his eyes and in his body language. The man was reeling from emotions the doctor could not know. Dr. Seeley felt a deep sympathy for Jason, and, with a benign smile, he patiently tried once again to make himself understood.

---