Page 20 of Phoenix Fire

Jason picked up the telephone and dialed Heritage Tool and Manufacturing.

“Hello, Jason. To what do I owe this honor?” Carlton was Carlton, after all, and Jason was already sorry that he had called.

“Just felt the need to talk to you, Carlton. No ulterior motives. It's just that … Actually, you need to know something. Are you busy?”

“Nothing that can't wait. You got a problem?” Carlton seldom, if ever, got calls from Jason.

Jason was having second thoughts about telling Carlton about their grandmother's cancer over the phone. Perhaps they should be face to face when this news was given. Some seconds elapsed.

“No, not a problem. It can wait. I was just thinking about you, me, Grandma Myrena, family stuff. There are times when I feel we don't talk enough and often enough. Call it a temporary case of familial regret, a need, I suppose, to get closer if we can. Am I making any sense?”

Carlton knitted his brow, suspecting the real reason for his call. “Not much, I'm afraid. You want to get closer to me? Is that what you said?”

“Well, yeah. Does that sound so stupid?”

“Not so stupid as fatuous. What has brought you to this touching moment, Jason? Have you had a talk with Jenny? Is that what this is all about?”

Jason suddenly felt anger building, perplexed and unamused by Carlton's playful queries. “What the hell does Jenny have to do with this or with anything that you and I talk about?” Jason was struck with a premonition, a feeling that he really did not want to know what his brother's retort would be.

“Then you haven't talked to Jenny?”

“Christ, Carlton, I call to have a friendly chat, a family-connected conversation, and you want to play mind games. You talk about 'fatuous.' If you've got something to say to me, will you just please say it?” Jason sighed heavily into the phone.

“Jason, you're much too tense, too uptight. You really need to visit a massage parlor and have some of those knots in your muscles loosened up. We don't want you breaking down on us, now do we?” There was an audible snicker on the line.

“You're a real ass, Carlton. There is just no reaching you. I'm sorry I called. You are a ...”

Jason was interrupted. “Jenny didn't tell you about our luncheon date? I thought perhaps she had and that you might be calling to do damage assessment. It was all quite innocent, I assure you. No need to get your jealous hackles up.” Carlton was thoroughly enjoying his little performance.

“I won't indulge you and I won't slam the phone down to give you some weird anal-minded satisfaction. I'll just say, goodbye. Goodbye, Carlton, I won't be bothering you again.” Jason quietly put the phone back in its cradle.

Jason sat unmoving at his desk for long moments, his mind in some sort of static numbness. Slowly he began to mentally unwind. Carlton could always create a mental stasis for Jason. Why did he let his brother get to him that way? Rather simple answer, really. 'Because I ask for it,' he thought. 'Never, never, Stupid, do you try to warm up to Carlton. It is a fool's errand. Accept the fact that you can never ever really have a meaningful sibling relationship. It is impossible. Get yourself beamed up to reality, Jason. Carlton is truly a 'mission impossible.' Childhood closeness would apparently not duplicate in the adult world.

Why had Carlton inserted Jenny into his mind games? Had he said they were together for a lunch date? A date? Jenny and Carlton? It did not seem at all plausible to Jason that Jenny would accept any kind of date with Carlton.

But, wait! Why would he think it implausible that Jenny would accept a date with Carlton? After all, he did not serve as her gatekeeper. She was free to do what she wanted. They certainly had made no commitments to each other.

No. She would not. Jenny simply would not. Surely he could not have misread their relationship up to this point. They had developed rather nicely. They were becoming … Becoming what? Close. Very close. They were becoming very close. She would not accept a date with his brother. In fact, he had let her know that Carlton and he were not very compatible. The final word: she would not date him.

Yet, it was not the final word. He found his mind coming back to Carlton and Jenny all through the afternoon. Jason did not like it, the mind thing, did not like thinking this way. It made him feel weak, out of control, less than what he was.

Was he jealous? He did not believe so, yet this mind behavior could be deduced as such. The thought itself was upsetting, that Jenny would date his brother. The fact of her dating him could destroy his image of her, and he trusted his image. Did he not? Yes, resoundingly. It was not a fact. It was only a mind game invented to taunt, to sneer, to frustrate and upset.

There was an easy way to close the book on Carlton's mind game. Jason could call Jenny. But, wait. That only dignifies and gives credence to his brother's mind game. Jason did not wish to do that.

He was getting irritated with himself. It was crazy to let these thoughts get into his head. These thoughts were only keeping him from his important work. He had dignity. He had the ability to reason. Why was he dwelling on Carlton's words? This was not Jason's way.

The office music system was playing a lovely classical guitar piece which Jason loved, but, today, it only added to his frustrations. He was troubled by the fact he could not let go of Carlton's remarks. It infuriated him all the more to acknowledge that this would be the behavior Carlton had intended.

“Dammit! Get off it, Jason,” he yelled at himself.

The larger truth was more likely that Jason had fallen in love with Jenny Mason. The thought that she might have had a lunch date with Carlton brought him pain. What hurt as well was knowing that his brother would have known precisely these reactions would come. Jason could picture Carlton with a smile of immense satisfaction.

Jason could not be wrong about Jenny and the relationship that was building between them. There was a special quality to their being together. Jenny had indicated as much in so many ways. Jason was convinced that they were in love. Two people did not act and react the way they had and not be in love. So, why was he going through all these stupid mind mazes?

He could not be wrong about Carlton, either. Carlton was a cynical, uncaring jerk, simply trying to muddy the waters, trying to cause friction. That was who he was, a man who could only function on a subterranean level when it came to interacting with people. There was something fundamentally missing from Carlton's character. Yet, Jason found it difficult to believe that Carlton would have mentioned 'lunch' specifically if there was no lunch. Usually, at least, Carlton's mind games did have some basis in fact.

Finally, Jason felt a surge of impatience and a deeper ire rise within him. He slammed his open right palm hard against the top of his desk. The loud sound reverberated along the walls and within his mind, and he stood at his desk, mildly shocked by his outburst.

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