Page 51 of One More Time

I heard his inhale of breath, then the heavy exhale. It was as if he was trying to suck in the pain through the line and let it go, taking it away from me.

“Baby…”

“Her funeral is today, and I don’t know if I can do it, Hunt. I’ve been holding it together for my brother but I don’t think I can anymore. I’m hanging on by a thread, counting down the hours until I can come back.”

“I will be right here waiting when you get here, baby. I’ll make sure to catch you when that thread breaks. But right now, you should focus on being with your family. Be strong for your little brother and say goodbye to your mom without any regrets. I’ll be right here when you get back.”

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “I need you.”

“You have me. I’m here, no matter what time it is.”

“I am sorry about the game.”

He scoffed. “Fuck the game, baby. All I care about is you.”

I fought against tears, knowing the second I gave in it was over. “I’m not okay.”

“That’s perfectly okay. I know you can get through today. It’s just like pee-wee hockey, one foot in front of the other. Don’t be hard on yourself if you stumble. Before you know it, I’ll be waiting for you at the airport.”

Hunter didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that. I found myself hugging the couch cushion, wishing it was him.

“Can you just talk to me for a bit?” I asked. “Tell me about school, or Kins, or your family. Anything.”

I heard him consider the thought before he spoke again. “Well, I study law-”

For the next half hour, I listened to his voice like it was my favorite podcast. He distracted me with his talk about pre-law and how his dad was some big-shot lawyer. He didn’t delve too deep into his family, only mentioning that he had to follow in the family’s footsteps.

It was ridiculous. He was a phenomenal defenseman. I could easily picture him in a pro league. I told him as much, and made it clear that I wasn’t just saying that because we were involved. His laughter soothed my open wounds. “Nothing on you baby. If I could go pro, I’d want to do it with you.”

“So do it. We may not get the same team straight away, but someone’s bound to see our chemistry.”

“Our chemistry, huh?”

Despite everything, the smile that tugged on my lips was real. “On the ice, Boston. I meant on the ice.”

His amused hum told me he didn’t believe that one bit. Our chemistry was so much more than two guys on the ice. I was flooded with guilt over the fact that I actually felt relaxed. It was the day of my mum’s funeral for fuck’s sake.

“It’s okay to have a moment of peace in the storm baby. She would have wanted that.”

“How do you always know where my head is, even so far away?”

“The same way I can connect a puck to your stick without seeing you. I feel you baby.”

A whole load of new emotions began to come over me. So, I did what I needed to do.

“I better go. I’ll send you my flight details. It’s a long story but Jamie’s coming with me. He’ll stay in my dorm.”

“Well, you’ll be home soon. And your brother is lucky to have you.”

“Bye, Boston.”

“Bye, Aussie.”

I disconnected the call, took a breath, and went back inside to get Jamie fed before we said goodbye.

I hated funerals, but Mum had made it easy on us. She had every little detail planned. I choked down the resentment that she seemed to know this was coming. I said my eulogy and because of the impact my parents had on the local community, it was a big turnout. I talked about how lucky I was to have such dedicated and devoted parents, how she was my best friend, and how I wouldn’t be where I was without her. It was all true but despite everything, I still couldn’t cry. I couldn’t forgive her for leaving. I knew at heart it wasn’t her fault. But I couldn’t believe she was not there. She’d never see me go pro. She wouldn’t watch Jamie grow up. I knew none of this was her fault. But the longer I sat there listening to how great a life she lived, I could only be mad that it wasn’t long enough.

The wake was short and sweet and the next thing I knew, we were shopping for Jamie’s winter clothes. We packed our bags, and got on a plane. We hadn’t talked much during the funeral, but as we sat on the plane, Jamie turned to me. It hit me then how tired he was, and I knew I probably didn’t look much better. I hadn’t really looked in the mirror—probably for the best.

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