Page 42 of One More Time

“Hey.” Though it was dry and disinterested, the sound of Jamie’s voice made me sigh with relief

“Hey, James.” I hoped that the name only I was allowed to call him would soften him a bit.

“How was your game?”.

I was finally able to relax, tearing my gaze away from the monotonous ceiling. “We won. I got laid into but it was worth it.”

“Win the power play then?” The lightness creeping into his tone made me relax even more.

“Yeah, got an assist.”

“Sweet.”

The conversation lulled and the silence stretched on, feeling much longer than it actually was. I knew it was then my turn to break it.

“I’m sorry, James; really. I only figured out I was, uh…”

“Gay?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I only figured it out once I got here. To be honest, I wasn’t going to come out at all—not exactly encouraged in professional sports.”

“That’s fucked.”

I laughed.

“It is.”

“So, you have a boyfriend?”

I choked on air, feeling like the simple word got lodged in my throat. “No. We… we can’t be together. We fooled around a couple of times, but it’s over now.”

Jamie went silent again, long enough for me to pull my phone away from my ear to check that he hadn’t hung up. Instead, I saw a request for a video chat. I accepted instantly, revealing a younger version of my dad staring back at me.

“You like him?”

I could have laughed at the scrutinizing glare my brother gave me. He was much like Mum in the sense that he could read you like a book.

“Yeah, I like him. It’ll never work though.”

He seemed to think over that. “Have you ever liked anyone?”

At first, the question surprised me. Then again, our age gap meant that I wasn’t having the same conversations with him that I was with Holden and the crew—though I was the one who had to answer all his questions.

“No, I have only been with one person before—a girl. So, I can’t say I have a lot to go off. But I do like him.”

“And with the girl, did you like her?”

I winced, and my face must have answered his question. “What happened? If you didn’t like her, why did you sleep with her?”

My eyes closed, almost of their own volition. As if I could somehow shield myself from seeing his face as the truth revealed itself. According to Holden, this was what we needed—honestly. So, summoning every ounce of courage I could muster, I confessed everything; that I’d been too scared to say no. I told him about how I regretted every second of it. And then, the truth: I wasn’t comfortable that night because I wasn’t interested.

“If she lived in Perth, I would fucking punch the bitch.” I couldn’t help but laugh, “Seriously Ty, that’s fucked up. I might be younger than you but even I know that’s not okay.”

My heart warmed knowing I’d at least taught him that.

“It is what it is, I know now to speak up when something doesn’t feel right. I hope that you are the same. And you always feel you can talk to me.”

“You know you can still be my role model if you’re gay, right?”

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