Page 28 of One More Time

“I take that as a yes, but your roommate? Is that smart? Like I see what you see in him, he is both pretty and masculine, but like… don’t shit where you eat man.”

A string of incoherent sounds that were meant to be words tumbled out of my mouth.

“W-no! What-uh-The fuck.”

“Okay, but I’m clearly on the right track. It was a guy, wasn’t it?”

I sighed and bit my lip.

Holden leaned in close and dropped his voice.“Your brother is still getting ready if you don’t want him to know.” His chocolate eyes were filled with warmth. I couldn’t fathom why I ever doubted his unwavering support. Maybe it was just the toxic masculinity that came with playing any sport: you didn’t want your teammates to think you were checking them out.

“Why do you have to be so perceptive?” I grumbled.

“Because we’ve been best friends since we were four. I have been through all the shit life has thrown at you. We slept in the same bed for years. I know you talk in your sleep. It’s just what brothers and best friends do.”

I huffed. “I suppose,”

“Guess I’m not your type though?” I knew he was joking by the smile on his face.

“Nah, mate. Your face looks like a bashed crab.” I winked. He wasn’t unattractive exactly, but he was… Holden. He was my brother.

“It’s the mullet, isn’t it? The moment I get rid of the mullet you will be all over me.”

I laughed. “Sure, not the fact that being with you would be like being with my brother. Just not my jam.”

“Fair, you’re not my type either, your boobs are too hard, I need a pillow, you know?”

“You will need to shave off the mullet if you want your type,”

“Pfft. This mullet is iconic, isn’t it Jamie.”

I heard footsteps and the video bobbed as the couch sank with my brother’s weight. “Keep telling yourself that as long as you want blue balls.”

I watched Holden’s hand go to the back of his, assessing said hairstyle and I couldn’t help but laugh. Jamie’s “no-bullshit” tone only added to the blow.

“You both suck. I’m a true-blue Aussie: it’s a look!”

“It is a look, that’s for sure,” Jamie countered, just as dry as before.

My heart panged with homesickness over the memory of the simple days hanging in the living space with my two brothers. Holden fit in that category. God knows he was around enough.

“Go out tonight, Ty.”

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath, waiting for Holden to reveal something I had yet to disclose to my brother. It hit me in that moment: I’d appointed myself as his role model. Whether I liked it or not, I aspired to be just like our father. Disclosing that I wasn’t anything like the man he idolized was something I couldn’t bring myself to do. My own experiences were not something I wanted him to know about. The only wisdom I felt equipped to impart was that he didn’t have to become a pushover like me—that he had the right to say no.

I glanced at Holden, hoping that maybe he could be the one to guide Jamie through the complexity of dating girls.

“You don’t have to look after me or mum, Ty. Make the most of it,” Jamie added, his tone loaded with undefined meaning. I looked at him, and though I knew I was half a world apart from him, it somehow felt even farther.

Holden being the amazing best friend that he was read the room and sat up., “Alright kiddo, get in the car so we aren’t late.”

“Not a fucking kid…” Jamie groused and left the shot, despite it being his phone that Holden was holding.

Holden sighed heavily. “I got it here mate. He’s just a teenager. He’ll be right. Go, enjoy a night with your mystery guy. We’ll table this convo for now.”

Before I could even answer he was yelling bye while disconnecting the call.

“Are all Australians hot? Or is it just the hockey players?” Cal’s voice jolted me from my thoughts. I hadn’t even noticed him sitting on the coffee table in front of me. He was dressed in a button up, corduroy pants, and a cardigan that suspiciously resembled something out of folklore. “You’re barking up the wrong tree with that one. Straight as an arrow.”

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