Page 12 of One More Time

“You, uhm… you’re into guys?” he asked sheepishly.

Nerves bubbled up in my stomach. “Uh...” I looked around to see if any of my teammates were nearby.

“Ah, not out then?” I didn’t miss the disappointment painting his features.

“My life is complicated. I’m not from around here, and this is my opportunity to get on the NHL radar—”

Cal put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I know. You’ve been the talk of the town: hot Aussie superstar hockey player—the girls are eager to get a taste of you.”

I look away, disgust roiling my stomach at the idea. I’d had a couple girls come up to me, and thankfully my teammates stuck to their word, steering them in another direction. I don’t know what they really thought of me. I didn’t miss the whispers, and standing in the corner with an openly gay man was doing nothing to help the rumor mill… but I felt more comfortable beside Cal than I did when girls were squeezing my ass and asking me to speak Australian to them. “It’s the same fucking language darling,” was apparently the wrong answer, but the guys seemed to find it funny.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be the last person to out someone.” Cal brought my attention back to him and I fought of a grimace.

“Your boyfriend is currently cheating in front of us, and you’re consoling the guy who doesn’t want the world to know that he might not be straight.”

“I get it. There’s this stereotype that you need to be this big manly man. And being a man means you have to be so fueled with testosterone that you only want to fuck pussy, right?”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud again, I turned to face Cal, ignoring some eyes drifting my way.

“Right, I’m kind of still deciding… what term fits. My life is complicated. I haven’t had a chance to… experiment. ”

Cal nodded, his boyfriend’s drama forgotten as he looked into my eyes, his own a warm brown that radiated with sincerity.

“If you weren’t the hockey star that you are, would you be dabbling in dudes?”

Instinct made me look around to see if anyone overheard what he’d said. With an eye roll, he took my hand and pulled me outside where the bonfire had been lit on the frosted ground. Outside of the cool frigid air, it was so much like home I couldn’t help but smile while I looked at the flames. Cal added some wood to the pit before sitting down beside me on the wooden deck chairs.

“So? You don’t have to tell me, but I am a good listener and secret keeper.” Despite the cheeky grin on his face, I somehow believed him.

“You’re just as pushy as my ma on the topic, you know that? But yeah, I suppose if my life was different, I would be. Maybe I would have explored something more. Or at least be open to it. I just don’t want it to get in the way of my future… you know? There is only one Australian who had ever played national hockey league and he had to practically jump through hoops to get noticed. Add in the fact I may be gay…” I cringed at myself.

“I get it, being out can be hard, especially in sports. Then you have to actually find another guy who is openly gay to have a relationship. And at our age, the pool is a little small unless you want a Daddy. When you do find someone… well apparently, they cheat on you in front of everyone.” Cal huffed.

I nudged him with my elbow.

“The guy is a dick stick. You don’t seem like the type who golfs on a Sunday anyways. What did you have in common other than being gay?” It was brutally honest, but Cal didn’t seem to mind.

He looked at me with that same smile. “I like you, you’re honest. Really… nothing. The sex was good I suppose. He always knew the right thing to say, but seems he does that with anyone.”

“Apparently good sex can be found anywhere, so you’ll find someone who can be there both emotionally and sexually.”

I took a sip of the beer I’d been nursing for a while. I really wasn’t a huge fan.

“Apparently?” Cal looked at me with an eyebrow quirked, and I couldn’t help but laugh again, the alcohol buzzing through my system.

“God…” I wasn’t sure if it was because Cal was having a bad night, or if it was simply because I hadn’t had alcohol since I was sixteen but I trusted him. “I’ve, uh, only had sex once. It wasn’t great. I was out with the team celebrating, everyone was hooking up and drinking. I’d never really been one to let loose, but I was a confident guy. There was this one girl, real pretty, but she was very forward. I sort of let her kiss me and flirt with me. I tried rolling with it because I saw how everyone else looked jealous that she was giving me attention. She was apparentlya big deal where she came from—had a reputation. But it made me nervous. I thought it was because I wasn’t… experienced, but then she took me into some person’s bedroom, and I started to feel really uncomfortable. She got more persistent with me and was touching all over me. I wasn’tinterested by this point, but she kept at it.” I paused, turning my gaze to the ground. I saw that look on Cal’s face—the pity. “I was young and stupid. I didn’t want to upset her. I could have done something, could have said no… but I didn’t. I let it play out.”

Cal rested his hand on my knee, only briefly before he pulled it away. “You know that’s not okay right? Did you express you weren’t feeling it?”

I shrugged. “Not in so many words. I tried pulling away but she kept coaxing.”

Cal took a sip of his own beer, mulling over my words.

“Still not okay,” he decided. “If you want, I can always find her on social media and do a little karma. Don’t underestimate my internet stalker game.”

“Nah, it’s fine mate, really.”

“So, you haven’t tried since—with anyone?”

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