Page 120 of House of Ashes

But I was willing to do this because, despite my unrequited longing, I thought that now, maybe, we could call ourselves friends.

He was, truly, my first real friend.

“Whatever it takes,” I told him coolly, standing up and escaping the warmth of his arms. He might have given me peace and clarity, but remembering that draga made me want to put him back at a distance. “We’ll have Viros remove all the safety measures. We’ll leave nothing that might give Chantrelle’s claims a solid basis. Even if we need an entirely new saddle—I don’t want a single stitch left behind as proof.”

As I’d moved, he’d reached out for me as though to draw me back, his hand hanging in midair—but he slowly pulled it back.

“Sera…fine. I’ll talk to Viros now. He’s going to have a heart seizure when I tell him we need to have everything changed again.” He smiled up at me, the twist of his mouth wry. “I don’t deserve you.”

I blinked in surprise. What? No. He had it all wrong.

I would never forget that my life had been ripped away because of him…but he hadn’t meant to do that to me. He had brought me back. He had done everything he could to ensure that our plan met my expectations, to help me become my old self again.

I did not deserve him, nor his faith in me. But I would do my best to see his vengeance through.

“Maybe I don’t deserve you,” I said quietly. “I’ll see Kirana off. Everything will be all right.”

I left his room and shut the door behind me, making my way down to the wyvern roost.

There was no sign of Alriss, but Kirana was already there. Garnet had been harnessed; with the saddle and elaborate straps on the wyvern’s back, I could easily see where the inspiration had been pulled from to create the harness that had nearly been our undoing.

Kirana buckled her saddlebags onto the wyvern’s harness, and fed Garnet a long strip of dried meat as the wyvern’s head cocked towards me, her amber eyes brightening.

“I hoped you would come,” Kirana said, her back to me. She stroked the wyvern’s beaded snout. “I have something I want to say to you without Rhylan around. And I don’t want you to interrupt me.”

The draga turned, pinning me to the spot with her hazel eyes.

I nodded. After all she’d done for me, she deserved to say her piece.

Kirana took a deep breath, blinking hard, and looked up at the ceiling as though she could see the sky beyond the mountain overhead. “I want Tidas to answer for Loralei’s death as much as Rhylan does. I really do. It…it shattered us, what happened. I lost my mother, my father, my little sister…even the dragon I loved, all within two years. I thought we’d never come back from that.” She looked back at me, her eyes glittering with unshed tears.

“But we did. I did.” She thumped her fist over her heart. “I found my calling. I made a name for myself outside of my bloodline’s expectations. I’ll never have my family back, but I rebuilt a lot of what I’d lost. And now I’m afraid I’m going to lose my brother, too.

“He’s obsessed, Sera. He will do anything to kill Tidas, even if it means his death. Even if it means your death. There is nothing he would not do if it meant he dragged Tidas to the Nine Hells with him. And as much as I want vengeance for what Tidas did to my family…I don’t know if I want it if it means losing Rhylan, too. Not anymore. I rebuilt myself, but I don’t think I could survive losing everyone.”

It was an effort not to drop my gaze to the floor, to hide from what she was saying. Because I understood her entirely…and yet I knew I would not listen.

Kirana wiped her eyes hurriedly, setting her jaw. “I don’t want you to say anything, or to tell me that you’re here for your own vengeance. I already know. I just want you to think about it, because he won’t listen to me. I think…I think maybe he’d listen to you, though. But it won’t work if you encourage him, if you let him drag you into these situations. No sane draga would ride a dragon without a mate bond. You’re risking your life for this, and he’s going to happily let you throw it away for…for a sister who is already dead. She’s never coming back. None of this changes the past. But we can still change the future. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself on the altar of Rhylan’s hatred.”

I said nothing. I understood her, and what she meant, but…my loyalty was to Rhylan first.

“Just think about it. That’s all I ask.” She turned and mounted Garnet, murmuring a few nonsense words to the wyvern as she began to buckle the straps around her legs and waist.

“I will,” I said honestly, knowing that I would consider her thoughts…and then I would discard them.

I was glad she had rebuilt her life, that she was willing to move on with some measure of peace. She did not have the fires of retribution in her soul, licking at her veins and threatening to scorch her entire being to ash.

But Rhylan and I did.

“If I could have revenge in any other way, I would take it in a heartbeat. I just don’t want to lose everything I love for it. And Sera…I’ve left you two bottles of the nutrient tonic. By now, you’ll be feeling the effects of going without dragon’s blood.” She tapped Garnet’s shoulder with a leather crop, and the wyvern mantled her wings, striding towards the roost’s open ceiling. Kirana gave me a sharp look as her mount circled me. “Nilsa is under instruction to bring you my headache cure, which you will likely need. But I’m cutting you off. I’m not going to watch both of you kill yourselves for this.”

“We’re not killing ourselves—” I started to hiss, my fists clenched, and Kirana’s lips curled in a knowing smile.

“You are. You just don’t realize it yet. Goodbye for now, Sera. I’ll do my best with Undying Light and the Hordes. If I don’t return within two weeks, Viros has contingency plans.”

My anger faded as quickly as it’d come. Shame rushed through me in a hot flood for snapping at Kirana like that, when all she wanted was so simple. Just for her family to make it through this alive…and to not turn me into a Naga.

It really wasn’t that much to ask for.

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