Page 110 of House of Ashes

I licked my lips, taking one wooden step forward, then another. “I just…I forgot that we would have to share a room here. That’s all.”

There had been no way around it, but I couldn’t sleep in a room with Rhylan. I couldn’t even sleep on top of a bed at all—and the last thing I wanted was for him to see me crawl under it, where the insidious fear that crept in during the night would sit on my chest and crush me under its weight.

Rhylan raised a single brow. “We probably should have practiced that a little more, eh?”

Some of the ice in my limbs thawed as I narrowed my eyes at him. “I bet you’d like that.”

I would simply stay awake all night and keep watch. We were in enemy territory, after all; Kirion’s dragonbloods could only be considered neutral in the vaguest sense of the term.

He threw his shirt aside, thumbs looped in the waistband of his pants, and I grabbed my saddlebag, desperate for something to divert myself with.

Even so, I heard the sound of cloth sliding over skin as I dug through my neatly-folded clothes.

His pants joined the shirt on the floor, right in my line of sight. Something akin to terror quivered inside me.

With growing desperation, I fumbled through the stacks of leathers and my small toiletry bag, but there was nothing for it: I had not packed this bag. Whoever had been responsible for that particular task had apparently believed I would want the little slip of sheer silk to sleep in, right next to the supposed mate who I had no intention of touching whatsoever.

I shoved the handful of silk back in the bag and snagged Rhylan’s shirt off the floor, disappearing into the bathroom.

When I emerged, he was laying in bed, a sheet pulled up over his legs and stomach. He looked me up and down, taking in the oversized shirt that reached nearly to my knees, and the spill of hair that hung past my hips in lazy waves.

“Oh, I like that quite a bit.” A slow, syrupy grin spread across his lips as I dropped the messily-folded riding dress on my bag. “It’s even better than that little silky thing.”

I scowled at him, arms folded defensively across my chest.

It had been a gamble. The little silky thing was a come-hither, a blatant invitation that said I wanted more than sleep in this bed.

But wearing his shirt, with his scent all over it…dragons were possessive.

Clearly, I’d chosen wrong.

“Well, it’s not about you.” I climbed into bed, keeping a solid three feet between us. “Or what you like.”

The light crystals dimmed on their own; soon we were both cast in shadows, illuminated only by the stars outside the window. I would wait for him to fall asleep, then creep to the chair in the corner and watch the mountains and snowfields outside until sunrise.

This was a dangerous place to be, so soon after he’d…tried to seduce me. Tried to convince me that there could possibly be anything between us but this lie, when we both knew perfectly well that there couldn’t be.

The Ascendants’ arguments echoed in my head as I yanked a blanket up over my bare legs.

But they were still wrong.

And Rhylan was not falling asleep.

“Why do you think you’re so hard to like?” he asked in the darkness, and with my mind still on the Ascendants, on what Erebos had said—you believe he is not worthy of you—I answered without thinking.

“Because I’m…cold. I’ve never had friends. You already know that.”

There was a rustle, and in the dim glow of the night I could see Rhylan had shifted his head towards me. Even in the dark, the coals of his eyes were luminous. “You’ve never had friends because you can’t make them, or because you were told not to? Maybe you should start there.”

My mouth twisted as I stared up at the ceiling. “Both.”

“I don’t think you’re cold.” His eyes flashed. “I think you’re afraid. When you were on Mistward, all your energy went to staying alive. There was no time to think about anything else, was there? And now that you’re safe…as safe as you can be…you have all this time and energy to let the fear in.”

My breath caught in my throat. Did he know? About the crushing fear that sat on my chest like stones, about the little parasite inside me that fed and thrived on all the fear I could give it?

“Yes.” It was easier to admit this in the dark, my gaze fixed overhead. “I am afraid. But I won’t let it break me.”

“Of course you won’t.” Rhylan snorted. “But you’re using it as an excuse to push people away.”

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