Page 79 of Sinful Touch

“I am not here to be a pain in your ass Fox. My goal is to keep you out of prison and for you to get off of paper,” He states as if he is saying something he has said over and over again to different people.

“Sounds like a good plan.”

The man grabs one of his cards and slides it over the table “If you need me, call me.”

I nod, grab the card, and slowly stand up.

“Is she doing okay?” He asks, looking at me.

“As okay as she can be,” I say in a low shaky voice.

“You're a good man, Fox,” He says confidently.

“No I’m not, but thank you for saying it anyway,” I say to him, his eyes look confused by my answer, but like I said I don't lie. I would be lying if I said I was a good man, I am not, I am selfish, possessive, jealous, and controlling. I became obsessed with a woman who was my student. I am not a good man, but Lil is showing me how to become one. I am still a work in progress, though.

He nods, and I turn, making my way out of his office.

I plead guilty to the charge because I was guilty and I don't regret what I did to Chad, the only thing I regret is that he is still alive. If I could have done it differently, I probably would have killed him, but right now, at this moment, I am glad I didn’t. If I had, I wouldn’t be out right now, and if I had, I would never get to hold Lil again, and that is not something I could have lived with.

Chad will suffer for the rest of his life for what he has done; I will ensure that.

42

Liliana

“@ my worst” by Blackbear

Istand still, feeling my entire body shake as the tears escape my eyes and roll down my face. I hate crying, but it is the only thing I can do, the only thing that will allow my body to remind me that, at this moment, I am still alive.

The cutting used to do that for me, and now it doesn’t do anything, nothing at all. My tolerance to the pain I can inflict on myself is so high that I know I need to do more to even get the release I need, the release that will make this throbbing pain in my chest go away.

Nothing, nothing will change what has happened to me, to Jax.

He went to prison because of me, because of Chad.

How did it get so out of hand?

How did it go from me turning down an advance to me almost dying and Jax going to prison for almost killing Chad?

I have run over everything a million times inside my head, and still, none of this makes sense to me.

I tighten my grip on the knife as I look into the mirror, the mirror that reflects all of the bruises, and blood from Chad. I can’t look into a mirror without being brought back to all the times he put his hands on me, all the times he told me that all I needed to do was get on my knees for him.

Maybe I should have just given him what he wanted, and none of this would have happened.

Jax is finally home, he is out of prison, and I thought things would get better, I thought therapy would help, but it didn’t, but then again I didn’t let it.

How could I open up like a wound and let my therapist know that ending my life is something I think about daily, that the cutting is not releasing anything anymore? Every time I went to visit Jax in prison, all I wanted to do was touch him, but the glass wouldn’t let us, and the guards wouldn’t let us.

How could I tell my therapist that this is what I deserve for being a disgusting little slut.

They didn’t want to hear the truth, the truth that is inside my mind. They would have locked me up. They would have told me that the medication would help me when really all it would have done was make me numb and dead inside even more than I already am.

They weren’t ready for my truth, so I kept quiet. Eventually, they pushed me off to someone else, but I never went back; there was no reason to.

There is no undoing what has been done to me, and talking about it was only going to make me more obsessed with what has happened to me.

Chad is locked away in prison, and still, he consumes me in every way possible.

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