Page 1 of Sinful Touch

1

Liliana

September - First Day of Class

Iopen my eyes and take a deep breath as I stare up at the ceiling. It is finally the first day of school, and I have been waiting for it for so long. Now that it is here, I am even more nervous than I thought possible.

I roll over and am met with blank walls. All my stuff is still in boxes because the thought of putting my stuff away gives me anxiety. Whenever I think things will work out for me, they never do, so for now, they will remain in those boxes until I feel comfortable and know that things will stay the same.

I look at the time, and it is almost time for me to get up and get ready to go to class soon. I spent my high school years planning and preparing to go off to college to get away from the life I was living, but now that I am here, it is not what I thought it would be.

I think I had it in my head that going to college would allow me to start over and be free, but it is just like it was in high school. I’m on the outside looking in at everyone else. I have been on campus for three days, trying to get used to everything, and everyone is already in their cliques. And once again, I wish I could be like those other girls who are surrounded by men wanting them, needing them.

That’s all I have ever wanted, but it has never happened, so I stick with my books. It is a way for me to escape and pretend I am the main female character so I can picture what it would be like to be desired—silly fantasies coming from a girl who has never been kissed or touched by a man.

It is not like I haven’t wanted it to happen, but the situation has never presented itself. Maybe, just maybe, it will now. If anyone heard my thoughts, they would see me for how pathetic I truly am, but I can’t be the only one who has secret and hidden desires. Mine may never come true, but I can dream. I can get lost in the dark romance books that have taken over my dreams. At least in there, I can have what I want, what I have always wanted; to be loved so deeply by another.

I’m not delusional enough to think that what I read in my booksactuallyhappens in real life, but I can hope. You never know what could happen. But then my mother’s voice rings through, reminding me, who would want a stupid ugly girl like me?

I roll out of bed and place my bare feet on the cold college door room. I am one of the few students who ended up in a single room, which I am grateful for because I don’t know if I could handle being in a room with one of the women I so desperately wished I could be like. As I stand up, I look at the walls that should be covered with posters of my favorite bands and shelves filled with my favorite books, but they are as bare and empty as I feel right now.

I need to keep reminding myself that today is a new beginning. I got into the fiction lit class I thought I was too late to sign up for. Luckily, a few spots were open, and it would be nice to be in a room full of others who can appreciate the art of writing like I do.

Fiction is my favorite because there are no rules. You can write whatever you want and put your darkest, deepest desires in it, and it is accepted because the real world doesn’t have a say in what is and isn’t appropriate.

Most people would see what I read and write as Taboo, but I see it as my escape. Writing can be beautiful, but it can also help you through your past. At least, that is what it does for me. In my stories, I have all the control and power.

I have always enjoyed writing and reading, so I chose to get my degree in English. I do not know exactly what I want to do with it, but I do know I want to be in publishing.

I write all the time, but I have never let anyone see the words I put on paper. Even when I was in high school, I would find a way to avoid turning in my work; they took pity on the pathetic girl that I am. I have a feeling that won't work here. Maybe this class will finally help me find the confidence to feel free enough to share what I write.

This class is interesting, though. The description says it focuses on dark romance fiction, which is why I wanted to get into it so badly. I want to see if others crave that type of escape and ifthere are others who havedark desires like me or sinful ones, as my mother puts it.

One time, when I was a Junior, she found one of my notebooks, sat down, and read the first few pages. When I got home, she was mad about the sexual acts I had written, and she said I was sinful and needed to be careful.

I have been careful my entire life, and look at where that has gotten me.

***

I stand in front of the mirror and look at what I am wearing. I have never been one to show off my curves. I have always hidden them underneath baggy clothes. I look in the mirror and decide to wear my favorite sweatshirt and joggers. My hair is pulled up into a messy bun, and my glasses take up most of my face.

If only my mother could see me now! But I don’t care; I will sit in a classroom, take notes, and listen to the lecture. It has never made any sense to me why I should dress up and do my hair and makeup if I am not doing anything. My mother would say that I was being lazy, she would turn her nose up in the air and shake her head, but it was nothing I hadn’t heard before.

I look at myself and take a deep breath as I look down at my pulled-up sleeves. They are pushed up high enough that I can see the fresh scars from thelast episode,as my mother calls it. But for me, it was the last time I felt some kind of control over my body or my life.

I slowly pull my sleeves down. No one needs to know what I do behind closed doors. My focus today will be on going to my classes, finding the perfect seat for the next few months, and soaking up everything the professors have to say.

Today, I will finally meet Jaxon Fox. He is a well-known Dark Romance Author who has done very well, which is why it was so hard to get into his class. All the girls want to meet him and learn more than just the educational requirements. I just want to know what goes on inside his mind.

I guess I am about to find out what it is like to meet a man who is living the dream—the man who has published more books than I can count, the man who has it all.

2

Jaxon

“Eyes On You” by SWIM

Iroll up my sleeves and look over myself one last time. I fucking hate the first few weeks of school starting. The students are not the only ones who are nervous.

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