Page 80 of Sinful Touch

He has won without even knowing it.

Ugly, you fucking slut.

You are a fucking slut.

What have you done Lilliana? Why did you let it get this far daughter.

Look at you, you’re letting yourself fall apart.

Going to visit your criminal boyfriend again? Yeah, that’s just what you need.

You made me do this, you made me this way, Lilliana, all you had to do was listen to me, all you had to do was get on your fucking knees.

Fat.

Ugly.

Gross, disgusting little girl .

Jax would be better off without me in his life, I am just going to hold him back, he just got out a few months ago, and he has been stuck in this house with me, he needs to be free from me. Everyone would be better off if I were just dead.

I lift my free arm and look down. I place the knife against my skin.

Horizontal is always to release my pain.

Vertical is when I want to end it when there is no other choice.

I don't have a choice, if I don't do it Jax will be locked in this fucking internal prison with me, he doesn’t deserve to live this way with an ugly, fat damaged girl.

I place the blade vertically against my skin and push down, applying the pressure I will need to take my life and rid this world of me.

I slowly back away from the mirror until my back hits the wall, and I slide down it. I look down at the blade against my skin. This is what is best for everyone. The world will be a better place without me in it.

Everyone will be in a better place without me.

I close my eyes and rest my head on the wall, and I slice down my arm.

I let out a scream as the blood leaves the wound and rolls down my arm towards my elbow.

Jax will put me on the cold ground, and then he can move on and have a good life.

I open my eyes and look down at my arm, the cut is deep, deep enough that I know I will bleed out, but it is not good enough. I place the blade in my shaky hand and place the blade against my other arm at the top right underneath the old scars on my wrist; I close my eyes and cut down my arm towards my elbow; another scream leaves me as I drop the knife.

I allow both of my hands to fall to my sides, I can feel the blood leaving me, soon I will drift away into the blackness, and soon Chad can no longer harm me.

43

Jaxon

“Please” by Omido, Ex Habit

Imake my way into the house and up the stairs.

It is still weird being out. The world continued as I sat in my cell and waited to be released, and now that I am out, I don't know how to act or feel.

I have always known who I was; it was not hard for me to stand out. But now, the eyes on me are the ones that want to know my story, not my fiction stories. It was easier when the world saw me as a playboy, an author, and a professor, but now they see me as a criminal.

I take a deep breath as I make my way into the room. The bathroom light is on, so I make my way across the room and push open the door.

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