Page 28 of Forget Me Not

God, Jack’s mom was right.

I really am a horrible girl.

I started painting sunken ships after the accident as some kind of my own morbid therapy. Don’t ask me why it works, but whenever I have a nightmare, I usually find myself up here in my little corner of the world, mixing blues and greens, covering a once-huge, ocean-worthy vessel in my own version of turmoil.

There’s something beautiful about a ship at the bottom of the sea. Haunting, but beautiful.

I like to paint in the alcove of my bedroom on the second story of the cottage.

The small window overlooks the town and everything looks peaceful from up here. I’ve found in the summer, I can open the window and listen to the early morning birds chirp outside while I let myself get lost for a little while.

Before the crash, I was an art teacher at a public school in Portland.

I know, the dreaded public school.

Honestly, though, I loved those kids like they were my own nieces and nephews. I loved teaching them about art, watching them get better. Seeing them smile.

Only, when the accident happened, I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as my family, let alone thirty kids.

When I lost my job because I couldn’t show up on time, it was just another blow to the back of the head. I had already moved back in with my parents at that point. I had already driven away every friend I had, except for Katelyn. I was numb.

Until the early hours of the morning.

Often times I look back at how far my mental health has come and I can say I’m proud. Other times, like this morning, I wake up from a nightmare about that night and realize I still have a very, very long way to go.

That’s the thing about grief. One moment, you’re angry. The next you break down against your living room door because you finally let someone get close to you after a long, long time of staying as far away from other people as possible.

I didn’t ask Reid to show up. He just did.

Now, I can’t get him out of my head.

I can’t hate him like I want to and that makes me angry.

Despite how grumpy he can be, he can also be kind, fixing things he sees need to be repaired and not expecting any payment for it. He’s a hard worker. Hotter than sin.

I tried to hate him, but I mean, really? Who could?

Last night was a mistake. I’ll admit it, but in the moment it felt so damned good to give myself to someone who wants me. Who makes me feel like if he doesn’t touch me, he’s going to lose his mind.

It’s dangerous, I know. This affection only goes skin deep. He doesn’t know what really goes on in my head. If he did, he would run the other way. I have too much baggage for a man like Reid to stick around and navigate through. I’m . . . damaged in the most irreparable way and that ring in my underwear drawer proves it.

I made a promise. I intend to keep it because that’s what good people do. You don’t walk out on your responsibilities because someone else makes you feel good.

At least, that’s what I tell myself to get through the days.

Okay, I concede, the third floor really does need some work.

Some of the floorboards need replaced. The wallpaper looks like it stumbled right out of the sixties with little ships that have definitely seen a lot of people hook up in these rooms. Cobwebs hang in every corner and I’m sure there is a new species of tarantula up here that hasn’t been discovered yet.

I regret coming up here by myself. The inn is haunted—I already know that—but the third floor? It may as well be purgatory. I swear someone’s been watching me since I set foot in the first room, working to slowly pile a stack of old lumber, complete with century-old nails, into a neat pile so I can feel like I’ve accomplished something.

Reid’s right. Don’t tell him I said that.

I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.

Still, I try, imagining all the things I could do with the space. I could add a library. Add more rooms. I could even put a toy room in for the kids that come and can’t go out on rainy days. There’s so much wasted space that could easily turn this place into a little paradise.

I just have to learn how the hell you fix plumbing. And damaged floorboards. And get a new roof.

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