Page 126 of Forget Me Not

Maybe then, I could get him out of my head. Out of my heart. Maybe even out of my soul. . .

But probably not.

“How many times?”

Reid and I stare at each other, laying in his bed on our stomachs, both of us exhausted from a day’s work and then the triathlon he took me through in the shower, the floor, then eventually, the bed. My body is spent and sleep pulls at the tattered edges of my brain since I haven’t slept well the last two nights.

“How many times what?”

“How many times?” he repeats, his eyes glinting like two black jewels in the dim lighting of the bedside lamp. His gaze darkens, an eeriness in those eyes I haven’t seen before.

It dawns on me, then, what he wants.

I’m just not sure how to tell him.

“Not a lot. A handful. And never too extensive.”

“Nova, once is too much.”

“I know,” I shrug. “I just know others have it worse.”

Reid shakes his head, rolling over to stare at the ceiling. He’s quiet for a moment, calculating, but I don’t know why. It’s not as if he can bring Jack back from the dead to protect me. Were Jack still alive, I might not even want his protection.

“You don’t need to feel sorry for me, Reid.”

His cold stare meets mine and for a moment, panic wells in my chest. But I realize this anger is not aimed at me. It’s at Jack and he’s not here right now.

“I don’t.” I wince at his bluntness, but I understand it. Kind of.

“Jack wasn’t always like that. The last six months were the hardest. I don’t know what, but something broke in him and from there, it felt like we were lost in a mineshaft that was slowly collapsing.”

Reid watches me, eyes studying me. For what, I don’t know, but since I’ve started, I decide I may as well tell him everything. He’ll be gone in September. I’ll never see him again. What could it hurt to tell this person who is a future stranger what dragged my marriage down by the ankles?

“I found out he was talking to Sophie on the phone . . . texting her. If he cheated physically, I don’t want to know, but I do know they were too close. He leaned on her, instead of me, and I think that’s why I hate her so much. Her mother tore my parents apart and then, she in turn, tore Jack and I apart.”

“He was the one married, Nova,” Reid grits, gripping my fingers in his tightly. “He made you a promise and didn’t keep it.”

My chest cracks at his words because I know they’re true. He’s right, as much as I would like to deny it. Jack and I weren’t good together.

And then, just because I need to tell someone.

“I filed for divorce the day before we crashed, that’s why we were fighting. We were coming home from a Fourth of July party with his family, fighting and I just . . . had to tell him, I guess. There was a family walking on the sidewalk and the little girl dropped her glow stick and ran in the road to get it. I screamed that he was going to hit her because he wasn’t paying attention. He swerved. We hit a weak spot in the concrete and then, we were in the water. He made sure I got out, but he didn’t make it.”

Reid doesn’t speak, so I continue because it feels good to finally share this with someone. I know I shouldn’t, but it feels like a huge weight is lifted off my chest the moment I start.

“I know I should forget the past, but the past is right there, every day in my nightmares. Every time I look at the ocean. Every time I see that damned ring in my underwear drawer. I still remember what the little girl was wearing. A pink bow. Hair in pigtails. Her mother wore a gray shirt and as everything happened, that streak of gray when she was trying to save her child is the last thing I saw before we hit the water.”

“How did you get out of the car?” Reid’s voice is quiet. Somber. I force myself to meet his gaze, shrouded in the shadows, like a mystery. He’s hauntingly beautiful in this light and I could look at him like this for hours.

“He helped me out. Then, I remember fighting to get to the surface, but the car kind of pulled me back down. I remember the mud and how it got in my lungs and my eyes. Then, I remember drowning.” I suck in a shaky breath, my lungs feeling like they’re solidifying with lead. “Someone pulled me out. I never saw who, but whoever they were, I hope they’re okay.”

Reid pulls my fingers up to his chest and I can feel the steady beat of his heart against the back of my hand, grounding me. It shouldn’t be like this. Not when we’re doomed to separate at the end of the summer, but it feels so good, giving in to something—someone—that I can’t bring myself to leave yet. I chance a peak at him and his face is disturbed, slightly twisted as if this story is one he really doesn’t want to hear.

I can’t say I blame him.

“You know, we made each other a promise when we were younger. He said if I died, he’d never move on. I guess I kind of took that to heart because, well . . . he doesn’t even get the chance.”

Reid’s hand tightens around mine, but he doesn’t speak. I look up and he’s watching me carefully, his expression dark.

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