Page 123 of Forget Me Not

Is this still love? Is it desperation we’re clinging to under the guise of a happy marriage?

Could I live without him?

“I guess I would probably stay single too.”

“You guess?” he chuckles, placing his hand on my stomach.

“I mean, I would.”

After a long moment of him searching my face, he smiles. “Good. Now go get cleaned up, so we can go to bed.”

I guess, it’s a silly promise to make, but in hindsight, I never actually thought Jack would be gone. I never planned for this outcome, and I certainly never thought I would find my way back to Port Nova, crying in my bed while the rain slips down the window in front of me like a sad, early two thousands’ song.

Part of me misses Jack. The other part is scared of the person he became.

My mind feels like it’s been knocked off the tracks. I’m struggling to understand the cold reality of my marriage and I can’t get what Reid said out of my head.

Did I turn Jack into a martyr after he passed? Maybe. Did I erase all the bad he did because I felt guilty when he drowned and I didn’t?

Maybe at the end, I couldn’t love him anymore. Not really. Not after everything.

The two halves of my brain run parallel to each other, both set in their decision. Reid’s right. Reid’s wrong. Either way, I know that Jack is gone. I am not and now, I have to learn how to live with the guilt, no matter how unreasonable it may be.

When I lay the two options out in front of me, I know which the clear winner is. Jack turned into a person I hated. Something happened to change him from the happy, loving boy he was before, to the cold, indifferent man he was in the end.

He was abusive. He could be cruel. He was my husband.

And now, he’s gone.

“My God, Nova,” Tara chirps, cutting through the angry thoughts swarming around my head like a rabid swarm of birds. “Cheer up.”

“I’m fine.”

She shoots me a look, her hands on her hips.

“You’ve been sulking all day.”

“I have not.”

“You have. You and Reid fighting?”

“Oh my God, why does everything have to involve him?”

“Maybe because he hasn’t been here today and you’ve been watching for him.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“You have,” Beth interjects, stepping through the kitchen doors.

I shoot her a glare. “Traitor.”

“What?” She feigns innocence. “It’s no secret.”

“What isn’t?”

“You two are seeing each other,” Tara answers for her.

“We aren’t.”

---