Page 27 of Tease Me

“Mama,” Gideon says, his voice wavering as he looks around the room.

My heart shatters in my chest because I know he’s looking for Kelsey. I let my eyes land on Hawk as he takes my nephew from my arms and holds him close. Curling up on the end of the bed, I wrap my arms around myself in a weak, pathetic attempt to hold myself together. It doesn’t work. Hawk sits down next to my feet and rubs a hand up and down my leg. I listen as he whispers to Gideon and explains to him the best he can that Kelsey won’t be coming home but not why. He tells my nephew that she’s an angel now and that she’ll watch over and protect him in ways no one else can. I wish I could believe Hawk’s words, but I know they’re not true. They’re what Gideon needs to hear right now.

“We should get him a session with his counselor. See if she can make sure he’s okay,” Hawk says as I open my eyes and I look at them.

“I agree. I’ll call her in the morning and see if she can come to the clubhouse to work with him. There’s so much to do and I have no clue where to start, Hawk. What am I supposed to do? How do I move forward without her? Not only do I have to bury her, but I have to get in touch with her lawyer because I know she had a will drawn up in case something like this happened. She knew how her life would end and I couldn’t stop it,” I cry, sobbing once again as the pain fills me so much I don’t know how to get rid of it.

My chest hurts, head pounds, and I can’t breathe. It feels as if my skin is wrapped around my body too tight and I’m going crazy trying to figure out how to take the next step forward. I can’t see an end to this pain and the horrible way it makes me feel. If I feel this bad, how bad is it for my nephew? He can’t express himself the way I can so we need to get his counselor here. Now and not in the morning because there’s no time to waste when it comes to grief and getting him to start the journey of healing. It’s gonna take a very long time before either one of us are okay again.

Sitting up on the bed, I ask Hawk for his phone. He doesn’t hesitate to hand it over and I call the counselor from the warehouses. She’s really good with Gideon. I just hope she can continue to work her magic on him and help us get him through this next phase of his life. I don’t want him to lose all of the progress he’s made so far because of this. She agrees to meet us here at the clubhouse tonight so she can talk to him. I thank her and hang up before Hawk leads us from the room we’re in at the clubhouse and takes us to the common room. He sits the two of us at a table and goes in search of food for us. Gideon and I remain quiet and don’t move as everyone in the room with us watches us closely. They’re waiting for me to break and I’m not going to do that in front of them because it will only make me look even weaker than I already feel. So, I hold my tears back and keep my head held high when Hawk returns with plates of food and bottles of water for all three of us. I don’t even wanna eat, but I know I have to. So, that’s what I do as I wait for the counselor to show up.

Chapter Eighteen

Hawk

TODAY’S GONNA BE a hard fucking day. It’s been four days since we found the girls and brought them home. Kendell has been quiet, withdrawn, and only talks to Gideon. The two of them have been inseparable and I can’t blame either one of them. I’m lucky I get to be in the same room as them when I’m not busy doing other shit for the club. That’s how it feels to me at least because there’s such a bond between the two of them and no one can come between it. They’ve only been strengthening it over the last few days because they only have one another in their eyes. Kendell and Gideon aren’t alone. They have me and a club full of men and women who are going to prove to them just how much support and love they have to give. Eventually, we’ll all break down the walls surrounding their hearts. It’s just a matter of time before we get them to let us in completely.

Reagan, Zoey, and Alex have been busting their asses when it comes to getting everything together for the funeral service. Kendell has only talked to them enough to answer questions. She won’t let anyone else get close enough to talk to them. Everything has been done for them though. Cash has been at their sides when I can’t be. He follows them around when they’re not locked away in my room. He’ll spend hours sitting in silence with them if they’re in the common room or outside. My best friend has truly stepped up when it comes to my family. Because no matter what, Kendell and Gideon are mine. I need to claim her as my ol’ lady, but I’ve been waiting because of everything she has going on. Soon, she’ll know she’s mine and that I don’t let go of things I feel are mine. No, she’s not my property and I sure as fuck don’t own her. But, in the eyes of the club, she’s mine and I’m hers.

We’re having the service for Kelsey here at the clubhouse. Kendell and Gideon are her only family and we want to make this day all about them. So, there was no other choice but to have everything at the clubhouse. We can keep it private so no one else can show up. Martin might be dead and buried where no one will ever find him, but it doesn’t mean that his parents won’t try to show up and cause a scene. It’s the last thing that Kendell needs to deal with, so we’re not going to do anything to put her through it. There’s no way in hell Martin’s parents or anyone else will get onto the compound to disrupt the day for Kendell and Gideon. It’s the only way we can give her a true sense of peace as she finally buries her sister and puts her to rest.

We still have Greg in one of the cells in the basement. None of us are ready to deal with him. If it were up to me, I’d go down there and put a bullet in his skull. However, he betrayed the club and it’s going to be up to all of us about how he’s dealt with. We’ll all get our shots in before someone makes the final kill shot. It will more than likely be Reaper since he’s the President and that’s okay. It’s how we’ve always dealt with a stupid fuck who thinks they can betray us and get away with it. Once the funeral and shit is done, we’ll have church to put it up for a vote about what to do with the asshole.

Walking through the clubhouse on my way back to my room, I take in everyone as they work together to put the final touches on today. The ol’ ladies are in the kitchen cooking and baking. All the guys are setting up tables outside, making sure there’s wood in the burn pits for bonfires tonight, and the Prospects are doing everything that’s asked of them. I’ve been helping out all morning, but now it’s time for me to go make sure my family is getting ready. I even went out and bought Gideon a little suit for him to wear in honor of his mom. The girls went out and got a black dress and shoes for Kendell. She refuses to go back to the house and I really can’t blame her at all.

I have to make a decision about the house soon. There’s still two empty houses on the compound. They’re not with the rest of the officer’s houses, but I don’t mind. The houses are still close enough to the others and it won’t take much to furnish and move everything from my house to our new one. It’s just a matter of getting things around and moved. Plus, it might be good if the three of us have a completely fresh start. I can go buy all new furniture and everything to fill the house so there’s truly no reminders of what happened at the house for any of us.

“Sparky, we gotta get ready to go,” I say, walking in the room to find her and Gideon still lying in bed where I left them this morning.

“Is it that time already?” she asks, not looking away from the ceiling as she pulls Gideon closer to her.

“Yeah, baby, it is. Why don’t you take a shower here and I’ll take Gideon to Cash’s room to give him a bath and get him ready. Before I go, I’ll lay out your dress and shit. Zoey and the girls can help with your hair if you want them to,” I tell her, walking around the side of the bed so I can sit down next to her.

Reaching out, I rest my palm against her cheek and she nuzzles into my touch while closing her eyes. I know she doesn’t want to do this today, but it’s time.

“Okay. I’m getting up,” she says, tossing the blankets off Gideon and her before slowly getting out of bed and standing in front of me for a second.

Kendell reaches down and runs her fingers through my hair before leaning down to press her lips against mine. I can taste the salt of her tears as they slowly slide down her face. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I hold her close and let her soak up the strength and comfort she needs from me. When she finally pulls back, Kendell walks around me and heads for the bathroom. I reach out for Gideon and he immediately comes to me. Lifting him up in my arms, I hold him close and leave the room after laying out the dress, panties, and bra on the end of the bed. Grabbing the bag with Gideon’s suit, I take him out of my room and next door to Cash’s.

“What’s goin’ on?” Cash asks from his seat at the desk in his room.

“Kendell’s just gettin’ in the shower in our room. Gonna borrow your bathroom to get Gideon cleaned up and ready for today,” I answer him as he watches us walk through his space.

“You know my space is your space and vice versa,” he states, remaining in his seat as I close the door of the bathroom behind us.

Reaper led us through the services for Kelsey. He read a few passages Kelsey loved in the bible and talked about her. As much as he knew about her anyway. Zoey got up to speak after Reaper from the time she worked with her at the warehouses. She didn’t divulge any secrets or anything like that, but she did have some very beautiful things to say about Kelsey that made my girl cry. From the second I walked Kendell out of our room, I’ve had her in my arms. Gideon stands directly in front of us and I rest a hand on his shoulder so he knows we’re comforting him and giving him the support he needs.

Gideon’s counselor has been here every day and spent time with him until today. She’s giving him a break for the day so he can be surrounded by us. Tomorrow she’ll start their sessions again.

Finally, the time has come for Kendell to get up and talk about her sister. I don’t know that it’s a good idea, but this is something she said she needed to do. So, when Kendell walks up to stand in front of the crowd, I’m right at her side while Zoey and Cash surround Gideon and make sure they’re there for him while we’re up here.

“I’d like to thank you all for being here to help celebrate my sister’s life today. You’ve all stepped up more than you ever had to,” Kendell begins, her voice breaking and cracking as she talks without reading a single word from the paper in her trembling hands. “Kelsey was my baby sister. For as long as I can remember I’ve looked out for her, protected her, loved her, and promised I’d always be there for her.”

Kendell stops speaking and I know she’s done. Her entire body is shaking as she tries to hold in her sobs. My girl is fucking breaking and all I can do is try to hold the pieces together before she completely shatters. Nothing is ever gonna be able to put the pieces back together again because they’re completely broken and in a million pieces floating around in her chest. So, I take the paper from her hands and turn her so her face is buried in my chest while wrapping my arms around her the best I can.

“Kelsey was the adventurous one out of the two of us. She loved goin’ out and seein’ exactly how much trouble she could cause without actually gettin’ into trouble. My baby sister was never caught. And the times she managed to convince me to go out with her, we always had the best times. She made me laugh, break out of my comfort zone, and live my life to the fullest. Kelsey was the sunshine when my days were filled with nothin’ but complete darkness. We didn’t have the best upbringin’ and I tried to shield her from everythin’ that would break her down and hurt her. It didn’t matter if I was hurtin’ or couldn’t get through the day on my own, I always struggled through the pain and made sure my sister lived her best life possible until the very second I couldn’t protect her.

“The day my sister told me she was pregnant with Gideon, I remember how full of love, life, and excitement she was. No matter what was goin’ on in her relationship with the monster, she always protected Gideon from the pain the best she could. He was never physically hurt even though he saw things he should’ve been shielded from. Kelsey would pick up the broken pieces of herself and push forward for her son. He was her entire world and would give anything for him. At the end of the day, she made the ultimate sacrifice by giving her life so her son could live his life. She gave her life for me as well. I’ll never be able to repay her for what she’s given me. But, I’ll live every single day of my life makin’ sure her son grows up to be the man she wants him to be. That he makes as many memories as possible and I won’t ever let him forget what an amazin’ person she was.

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