Page 28 of Tease Me

“Today we lay my baby sister to rest and I hope she can finally find the peace she spent the last several years searchin’ for. I will make sure Gideon won’t ever forget her and will know the happiness she wanted him to have in his life. And I won’t do it alone. Gideon will be lucky enough to have all of you in his life. None of us will ever be able to thank you enough for what you’ve given us. I can’t even find the words to show what you all mean to us. Kelsey looked up to each one of you and wanted to live her life the way you all do. Free, happy, and exactly as you want. That was her ultimate dream. It was stolen from her and now it’s time we honor her memory and ensure our family becomes better as a way to make sure she didn’t give the ultimate sacrifice for nothin’,” I say, reading my girl’s words as she sobs uncontrollably in my chest.

When I go to step back so the guys can lift the coffin, Kendell all but collapses to the ground. I’m the only thing holding her up as I lift her in my arms and step back so the guys can lift Kelsey’s coffin in the air and head for her final resting place. Zoey brings Gideon up to our side and he holds on to the leg of my jeans as we slowly follow behind the coffin toward the back of the compound’s property. Kendell’s anguished sobs break my heart as she can’t stop herself from breaking. She’s finally hit her breaking point and no one can prevent it from happening. This is what she’s needed for days and she’s held herself together for Gideon. She can’t do that any longer. Kendell has needed to break and I’m going to be here to help her put the pieces back together no matter how they fit or don’t fit together again. Kendell will never be the same person she was, and that’s okay.

It doesn’t take us very long to get to Kelsey’s final resting place. She sits among the men and women of the club who didn’t have anyone to visit them. I wanted Gideon and Kendell to have a place to come visit with Kelsey as a continued way to pay our respects. The same the club has done for others without a family other than those members who stop by to see the friends and loved ones they’ve lost over the years. It’s close enough for Kendell and Gideon to come see Kelsey on a daily basis if that’s what they want. Reaper went all out and got her a beautiful headstone and the girls ordered a ton of flowers to place around the grave once we bury the casket.

“If no one has anythin’ else to say, I’d like to lay Kelsey to rest. She deserves nothin’ less than the best and we’re gonna make sure she has a beautiful restin’ place,” Reaper says, as the guys all set down the coffin and it’s gently lowered into the ground.

Kendell turns her head and watches as it disappears from view. She doesn’t once stop sobbing and letting herself break. Gideon has a death grip on my pants letting me know he understands what’s going on to a certain extent. Looking down at him, I see tears falling from his eyes and my heart breaks the rest of the way. Before I can bend down and try to pick him up in my arms with Kendell, Cash steps up and lifts him in his arms. He holds Gideon close and whispers to him as they watch the guys start to toss dirt over the coffin. I watch on as the little boy I’ve come to love as my own wraps his arms around my best friend’s neck and buries his face so he’s not looking at the hole in the ground any longer.

“I’m gonna take him back to the clubhouse. He’s seen enough,” Cash whispers as I remain where I am with Kendell in my arms.

“Thank you. We’ll be there soon,” I tell him as Kendell remains still in my arms.

I don’t think she heard a single word of what’s going on around her. Kendell’s entire focus is on the ground where the guys continue covering up the coffin. When she finally moves to get down, I carefully set her on her feet, but don’t take my arms off of her. Kendell leans back into my body and I hold her close. She doesn’t move a muscle as we continue watching until the dirt is smoothed over and all of the flowers are placed around the grave. Alex walks by when she finishes setting up the flowers and rests her hand on Kendell’s shoulder. No words are exchanged and that’s okay. I know Kendell appreciates everything that’s been done for them today. The club made sure Kelsey had a sendoff she could be proud of and Kendell will realize it when she can finally start to process everything that’s happened.

Slowly everyone starts to walk away from us. When it’s just Kendell and I left, we remain standing as we have been. I’m not going to rush her or make her leave before she’s ready. We can stay up here all day long if that’s what she needs. Kendell walks over to the grave after a long time. I watch as she bends down and grabs a handful of dirt. Letting it sift through her fingers, she covers the grave with it before placing a hand down as if she were comforting Kelsey even in her final resting place.

“I hope you find the peace you’ve been searching for, baby sister. Hawk will help me take care of Gideon and eventually you’ll be proud of the man your son becomes. I’m sorry. So, so very sorry for not being able to protect you one last time. I’d give anything to go back to that very second and change places with you,” she says, barely loud enough for me to hear her words. “I love you, Kels so very much and I’ll never forget you. We’ll both love you for the rest of our lives and everyone who becomes important to us will know who you are and what you mean to us.”

Bending down behind my girl, I wrap her in my arms again. “I love you, Kendell. Never said those words to another girl before in my life. From the second I heard your voice on the other end of the phone, I knew there was somethin’ different about you. Now, you have wormed your way into my heart and soul. You’re not gettin’ rid of me, Sparky. For the rest of our lives, I’m gonna be there to support you, love you, and give you anythin’ you need.”

Kendell doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, she simply keeps her hand resting on the dirt of her sister’s grave. Finally, she lifts her hand and turns to face me. There’s a small smile on her face and I don’t know where her head is if I’m being honest. This could go either way because I sure as fuck didn’t pick the best time to tell her I love her.

“I love you, Trent. I’m sorry I’ve been so withdrawn and focused on my own grief and pain that I haven’t let anyone but Gideon in. I’ll get through this. I just need some time. Thank you for all the support and help you’ve given me. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you,” she finally says, leaning forward and pressing her lips against mine in a soft, chaste kiss.

Kendell holds out her hand for me to grab. Standing up, I help her to her feet before wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into my body. We slowly make our way down to the clubhouse. Everyone is in the common room with food, drinks, and they sit around talking quietly between one another. Cash, Savage, and Zoey are sitting with Gideon at a table and they’re trying to coax him into eating something. I lead my girl over there and pull out the seat next to her nephew. She sits down and I leave to get us our own plates of food. I don’t take my eyes off them as she finally manages to get our boy to take a few bites of food. It’s going to be a very long road as they both mourn the loss of Kelsey. And I’ll be there every step of the way.

Chapter Nineteen

Kendell

IT’S BEEN A week since we laid Kelsey to rest. Every single day, I want to remain in bed and forget the world around us exists. However, I can’t do that. I need to get out of bed and live my life because I know that’s what my baby sister would want. She’d want me to live my life to the fullest and ensure her son always does the same thing. So, that’s what I’m going to do. Each morning, I get up, take my shower, and get Gideon ready for the day. He’s still not back to himself, but he’s starting to open up more and is talking once again. Hawk and Cash are spending as much time with him as they can. I honestly don’t know where we’d be if it weren’t for those two men. When Hawk isn’t around, Cash is. When Hawk isn’t doing something for the club, Cash is still with us. It’s as if they’ve both named themselves our protectors and they’re doing everything in their power to ensure we get out of bed each day and take a few baby steps forward.

Honestly, the entire club has been there for us. They make sure we’ve got plenty of food to eat, all the drinks we can handle, that we go outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, and that Gideon gets through each counseling session the best he can. Everyone is rallying around us and it goes to show me how much of a family these men and women truly are. It’s not just about what someone else can do for them, but what they can do to help one another through the most difficult times in their lives. I’ve honestly never witnessed, or been a part of, anything like this before in my life. I’m so glad I made the call that day and got my sister away from Martin so she could live a few weeks knowing she had the power to overcome the demons he filled her with. Now, she can find the peace that escaped her in life and I will have to find my own sense of peace as I get through each day while also making sure my nephew finds his own sense of peace in the aftermath of this tragedy.

Today is going to be another hard day though. Zoey and Savage are going to keep Gideon with them at the clubhouse for a while so I can go see Kelsey’s lawyer. He’ll go through her will with me and I’ll sign off on anything that needs my signature. I honestly have no clue what I’m going to hear today. All I know is that my sister did draw up a will shortly after she had Gideon. She told me it was in with the other important papers she’d hidden away from Martin. I’ve never had the urge to go in search of it because it meant that she wasn’t here with me. Now, I don’t have a choice in the matter. I’ll have to hear what decisions she made regarding her son’s future and make sure every stipulation is followed in her honor. Hawk and Cash are going with me because Hawk knows I won’t get through this on my own.

“I’m ready to go now,” I say, walking out of the bathroom to find Hawk and Cash sitting in our room at the clubhouse with Gideon as he watches his favorite cartoon.

“Okay. Savage and Zoey are waitin’ in the common room for G. Savage is gonna take him out to the garage to look at the bike he’s workin’ on. I’m sure Gideon will love that. Then Zoey will make sure he has lunch and put him down for a nap with the twins,” Hawk informs me as he grabs the remote to turn the TV off and grab my hand before we all head out of the room and toward the common room.

Cash and Gideon are talking about something behind us and I don’t have the first clue what they’re talking about. For the first time since Kelsey was taken from us, he’s excited about something and my heart soars hearing his little voice so happy and the small laugh he lets escape when Cash says something to him. When we get to the bottom of the stairs, Gideon takes off at a run toward where Zoey and Savage are sitting. Savage stands and catches him in his arms, tossing him in the air before catching him. Gideon’s laughter echoes off the walls and I smile at them.

“We’ll take good care of him,” Zoey promises me as we pause by their table. “I’m here if you need me.”

“Thank you. It’s gonna be a long day for sure,” I respond, not knowing what else to say.

“I know.”

The three of us head outside and get in Hawk’s truck. Instead of Cash sitting in the backseat where he’ll have no room to stretch his long legs out, Hawk pushes up the middle console and pats the seat directly next to him. Sliding in, Cash climbs in behind me and we set off for the town I never thought I’d step foot in again. We’re going back home where all of this started and now it’s going to end. It’s kind of poetic and ironic in a way if you ask me.

When we were younger, Kelsey always talked about leaving our hometown behind. She wanted to explore the world and experience as many things as possible before settling down and having kids. She never got to live out her dreams in that regard because she met Martin and he swept her off her feet. Then, he tied her to our town and never let her leave. Yes, I got her away from it, but not where she truly got to live her life and experience everything she could. Kelsey’s time in Clinton City was spent healing herself and working on becoming so much stronger than she already was for herself and her son. Now, that’s where she’ll live out the afterlife and I’m glad that we didn’t bury her next to our mom in a place she loathed.

“Sparky, where’s your head at?” Hawk asks me, his voice breaking through my thoughts as he rests his hand on my thigh and holds me while driving.

“Just thinking about how it’s kind of poetic to think we’re headin’ back to the town where this all started and how Kelsey wanted to leave it behind and explore the world. She never got the chance to do that. Martin truly took every single one of her dreams away from her in the harshest way possible,” I answer him honestly as I look straight ahead.

“She’ll get to explore the world as much as she wants now. But, I have a feelin’ Kelsey’s version of what the world was changed the second she learned she was pregnant with Gideon. That little boy was her entire world and he’s always been yours. She got three tremendous years surrounded by those she loved and experiencing every single one of her son’s firsts. His first steps, laugh, smile, the first time he slept through the night, and so many other things. So, maybe in a way, she did get to experience the world,” Hawk says, making tears fill my eyes as I turn to look at him with a small smile.

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