Page 44 of Conquered Obstacles

“Hi, my name is Colton Knight,” he said after a moment. “I’m a warlock. I was raised in a crazy cult-like bullshit atmosphere that my mother tried her best to protect me from but my father threw me at to save himself. I was groomed from a young age to be the ultimate warlock to stand next to but really control a goddess for greedy elders and apparently a demigod.

“That part, I didn’t fucking know and still fucks with my head. A lot. I should make it clear that it fucks with my head a lot. But even if I knew it was all crazy and bullshit, it’s all I knew, and constantly worrying my family I loved would be hurt versus what they could do to me and trying to force me to have a child to be the next ultimate warlock did a lot of damage to me.

“I don’t see things like most people. I can’t yet because I’m still constantly in that state of panic and fear that if I don’t stay three steps ahead, they’ll kill my mother or drug me to force me on some woman to have a child. Because they started threatening that when I turned twenty-five and hadn’t married some of their options for me. Women who weren’t willing—just so we’re clear on that—but they wanted their power in my child.

“So I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing most days and just keep moving. I just tried my best to survive, but then I met this woman, and everything seemed to have hope. I thought we’d get to know each other and she’d figure it all out and beat their asses and end the insanity. I was right. She did exactly that, but I was so wrapped up in my crazy that I didn’t understand.

“I didn’t understand how much I would hurt her. I saw it all as bugs she would swat and a long history and past that had to hurt but—thousands of years isn’t a concept people really grasp to live. But I also didn’t have all of the facts or know about the curse or know how she relived what happened to her. I didn’t know my ancestor started it all.

“And that sounds so crazy I couldn’t wrap my mind around it and thought it would matter so much. It sounded like it couldn’t possibly matter after all we’d shared. But that wasn’t my decision to make, and I couldn’t see or understand that because I was so underwater and constantly afraid of my own situation.

“To me, this woman was so much larger than life and could handle everything so easily that—none of it would matter more than those moments we connected. She would see that the curse never affected me. Even if I had to lie to her, my heart never did, and I cared for her so deeply that I risked everything to help her and be with her.

“But instead, I hurt her, and I don’t know how to fix that. I still can’t understand the damage and pain I’ve caused because I’m not her. I don’t know how to fix it or what to do. I thought what I offered Saturday was the right move, but my mother beat my ass, and I heard her brothers that I was an idiot. So now I don’t know what to do again.”

“I don’t know either,” I whispered.

“But you were jealous when you thought I had a date with a former lingerie model, and that has to mean something,” he whispered, putting it together as Jamie said he would have. “So maybe the answer is we can start over and now you know. We won’t forget those moments or how I’ve messed up. I never meant to hurt you. You have to know that.”

“I want to, but it seems so underhanded. All of it does,” I admitted.

He nodded. “I can understand that. Then let’s start over, Arabella.” He moved closer but froze when I took a step back. “I won’t put my hands on you. Please? Trust me?”

I swallowed loudly and nodded.

He moved closer and lowered his forehead to mine, keeping his hands at his side. Colton took in a long deep breath as if remembering my scent. “I know so much went wrong, I did so much wrong, but what we felt was real. I can’t be human for you any more than you could be for me or a witch. Please, please give me a chance to show you that I’m worth it.”

I swallowed loudly and said the seven truest words that I felt in my heart. “I still want you in my life.”

“But?” he breathed, his breath warm on my face.

“I don’t if I will ever forgive myself for giving you the chance to hurt me again,” I rasped. “It’s not fair, but I hate myself for what I let happen before. I can’t repeat the same mistakes.” I took a step back and let him see how torn I was. “You scare me. Fair or not, you scare me because you’re his descendant. It’s not thousands of years for me, Colton. It feels like yesterday sometimes.”

“I get that now,” he whispered. “I know we can work past that.”

I quickly wiped the tears when they fell. “I don’t know that I can in the time you have. If it’s taken me this long to allow a man to touch me, and the first man was his descendant… I don’t know your lifespan is enough for me to heal enough that it would be worth it for you.”

“Please don’t say that,” he begged. “It’s the time from when the curse was lifted and you could breathe and start healing, not the years since it happened.”

Was that true? Maybe. I could give him that. I slowly nodded. “Maybe. Maybe that’s true from the time I found the twins. Maybe since they opened up my heart again. If I had found them and the curse had been taken off… Maybe.”

He let out a slow breath. “I think it’s worth it. And we’re not deciding forever right now.”

“What are we deciding?” I asked, getting frustrated but mostly with myself. “To ‘hang out’ again? I don’t want to go back to you being pushy either and crashing dates and… I can’t trust you like that.”

“No, I know, and that—I need to work on my jealousy. You deserve better than I behaved,” he promised. “Don’t shut me out. Start over as friends, and I won’t put my hands on you. I heard you and Cora that—I get it. That’s what I’m asking for.”

I frowned. “Just that?”

He blinked at me. “‘Just that?’ Arabella, a month ago I thought you might break when you saw me or…” He trailed off when a car pulled up the drive.

“The food is here, and you both need to not have this conversation in the doorway,” Jamie said gently from behind me. “Invite him in like you want to talk and you asked him here.”

He was right and I nodded, stepping aside for Colton to come in. Jamie went to meet the driver and grabbed the bags of food. We all went inside, and I was shocked when he made it clear that Colton needed to sit across from me, not close and next to me.

And Colton was shocked as well.

“I agree with Cora that you shouldn’t be alone with her,” Jamie said as he set everything out. “Not yet. If she wants to try and have you in her life and you’re willing to walk the path she needs, fine, but she has a visceral reaction to the idea of your hands on her. You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it.”

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