Page 83 of Mercy in Betrayal

I stand, scanning the area for others. She shouldn’t have seen that. She shouldn’t have seen any of this. The area around us is curiously quiet. Too quiet. Dawn is starting to rise, pale light beginning to illuminate everything around us with ghostly gray light. Soon there won’t be any shadows to hide behind.

I need to get us around the parking lot and into the city proper, where I can call for a ride. We’ll be somewhat protected there, in a more public location.

Reaching out for Rowan’s hand, I take a step. An explosion on the other side of the scant line of brush the sniper was resting in fires high into the air, lighting up the sky. It’s followed by another, and then another in rapid succession, one right after the next.

Rowan screams and I spin around, pulling her against me. She buries her face in my chest and presses her hands over her ears.

The parking lot.

Half-turned, I watch as car after car fires out balls of flames as the explosions lift them into the air one after another. Rowan shakes against me, and I raise my hand to shield my face from the scorching heat, thankful I had the sense to avoid going straight to our vehicles.

I pull Rowan away from my chest and take her hand. She moves stiffly, her body rigid. “Rowan?”

She doesn’t respond, her expression blank and empty. She’s in shock. Belatedly I remember that it was a car bomb that took her brothers.

With a quiet curse, I bend and lift her into my arms, then start walking away from the flames. My grip awkward, I pull out my phone and hit dial. “I need a car. I’ll send you a pin,” I say and hang up with no further explanation. The rest of my men can take care of themselves.

I can’t think about them right now—the ones I’m leaving behind. I glance down at Rowan’s face and pull her closer to me, quickening my steps as I skirt the smoky parking lot and head toward the city. The pop-pop-pop of gunshots grows less frequent and eventually dies out altogether as sirens wail in the distance.

I look back the way we had come and see the red and blue lights breaking through the darkness of the night. Azrael is powerful, but they aren’t stupid. They will retreat and prepare to rear their heads another day.

When they do, I’ll be there to remove their heads from their shoulders.

The further we walk and the more distant the wails become, the farther we move from danger. My adrenaline crashes, and I stop walking near a city bus stop. Inside the enclosure, I sit down on the bench, arranging Rowan carefully on my lap.

Rowan’s hand finds mine, her fingers gripping on to mine tightly. It’s the first sign of life I’ve seen since the cars began exploding. Releasing a heavy sigh, I lower my forehead to hers. “I’m so sorry, little bird. For everything.”

She dips her head. “We don’t need to talk about this right now.” Her voice wobbles.

I reach out and touch her chin, raising her head until her gaze meets mine. “Yes, we do. Everything that happened tonight happened because I…” I shrug a little. “Because I did what we do. I saw, I wanted, and I took. And you’re right—I kept you in the dark about so many things, thinking that I could live two lives. Thinking that I could be your husband at home and this monster out in the street.” I release her hand and show my palms like she might see all the blood I have spilled.

Rowan’s lip trembles, but she looks at me, her gaze steady. “I want to believe you. I want to trust you. But how can I? After all of this, why should I trust anything that comes out of your mouth? Everything you have told me has been a lie.”

I exhale. “Not everything. I just didn’t tell you everything. I’ve never needed anyone before—not until you. I didn’t know how to make you part of my life.” I lean in and press my forehead against hers. I expect her to pull away, but she doesn’t. “I wasn’t always lying to you.” I swallow. “I was trying to be the man that my father expected me to be.” I want to laugh at how fucked up that was. I hated him.

“And now?” Rowan whispers, her voice filled with hesitant hope.

I take my forehead away from hers so she can see me. “I want to be the man you need. The man you deserve.”

I look away as a lump I wasn’t expecting forms in my throat. “I want to be the man I was when we drank coffee together, when we explored the city streets, when I was away from this world and only had you. Every one of those moments was real to me.”

I haven’t looked at her, and now I do.

If I’m going to be honest, I need to be completely honest. Not just with Rowan but with myself, too. It’s a new concept for me. “Rowan… “ Words lodge themselves in my throat. I’m hoping for another explosion or gunshots. That’s what I am used to—violence; it’s much fucking easier than telling someone how I feel.

Rowan regards me patiently, though. Waiting.

“I love you. I am sorry. I am sorry for being a monster. I am sorry for doing to you the same damn thing everyone in your life has done to you. Whatever you want me to be, I will be it. Whatever life you want, you will have it.” That’s the most honest promise I have ever made.

“You don’t want to be your father’s son?” Rowan’s fingers curl against my chest.

“No.”

Rowan nods. “Good. Your father sounds like an asshole.”

I grin. “He really was.”

A ghost of a smile curls Rowan’s lips. “I kind of love you, too.”

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