Page 70 of Mercy in Betrayal

“Oh. Oh, dear. Give me that.” Vivi takes the plate of spaghetti from me and sets it on the nightstand. “I’m so sorry, Rowan.”

“I just can’t catch a break, you know? Every time I turn around, there’s just one more secret, one more lie to figure out. It’s exhausting.”

Vivi shakes her head. “I wish I knew what to tell you. I’ve always been placed very carefully to the side of everything—protected, you know—so that much I get. But I’ve always known exactly who we were. Who I was.” Her gaze turns distant. “Lulu and I knew when we were young that we were expected to be wives one day to one of them. Didn’t know who back then, but that didn’t matter. They’re all the same, right? We’d play guessing games, pretend our fiancé was so-so one week and someone else the next.”

“And you know, now…?”

Vivi presses her lips together and nods.

“And you’re okay with him? With the fact that it’s all been arranged, and you have no say in any of it?”

When she meets my gaze, Vivi looks like a different person. Older, somehow. “It’ll be fine,” she says. “He’s fine. Good.” She blinks and smiles, the dimple in her cheek appearing briefly, and she’s Vivi again. “How did you not know your family was organized crime?”

Not the most graceful of subject changes, but okay.

I shrug a little. “I just believed whatever I was told. When our parents died, they told me they had gotten mixed up with some bad people. A couple of years went by, and it started getting more and more obvious that Cassidy was doing stuff that wasn’t exactly legal. I figured maybe he was getting involved with the same people, trying to avenge their deaths or something like that. I pushed a little to be let in on it, but he kept saying I was too young.” I stand up and walk over to the window. I can’t see anything but my own reflection, but I’m too restless to just sit. “The crazy thing was, I actually was involved, and had no clue. Cassidy was always getting me to feed him information he needed for jobs—information I could easily acquire because who would be suspicious of a teenage girl? I actually helped him get the layout of an annual festival that he used for an assassination.”

“When did you learn the truth?”

“After my twin brothers died in a car bombing intended for Evie and Cassidy.”

“Oh, Jesus, Rowan; I’m so sorry.”

Reset. I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes tightly. It still fucking hurts. It’ll never stop hurting. God, I’m so angry.

My fingers clutch Vivi’s drapes, the hurt and rage tugging at me needing an outlet. All of this could have been avoided if I had just known. Maybe I would have been better prepared for their deaths. Maybe I wouldn’t have loved them quite as hard. Maybe I’d have put a little distance between us, knowing the potential for loss, the potential for pain.

Clementine, sensing my turmoil, winds around my calves with a soft meow. With an effort, I release the curtain and focus on him, on the softness of his fur, its gingery color, his rumbling purr, closing out everything else until I manage to get my emotions under control.

“Better?”

I had forgotten Vivi was in the room. I turn to face her and see only sympathy and understanding on her face. I give a jerky nod.

“Good. I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“What made you fall for him?”

The question takes me off guard. Have I?

Fallen, that is?

The signs are all there, a fact that makes the pasta I just ate churn in my stomach. I’m suddenly back in the courtyard where we first met. I look up and my vision is full of him—only him, although there were a dozen other people around us. I can still feel the warmth of his hand on my arm, his steady gaze, the awareness that he wouldn’t let anything harm me.

Every one of our subsequent conversations, where he revealed his intelligence and quiet confidence, is time stamped in my memory bank. He didn’t find me odd, although I undoubtedly was, and was eternally patient with my curious nature.

I’m never not thinking of him.

I lift my hand to my mouth, unsurprised to find it trembling.

“Damnit.” There was no loud, screaming alert inside my heart that let me know the truth. No flashing sign that said ‘warning: love ahead. Get out while you still can.’

It was just there at some point, whether I wanted it or not.

I fucking loved that asshole.

I open my mouth, but Vivi holds up a hand. “You don’t have to answer that out loud. I can see the answer all over your face.”

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