Page 115 of Gift from the Tree

“Wait, he gave you an infinity journal?” Corentin asks like he can’t believe what I’ve just described.

“Yes,” I answer honestly.

“And you know the importance of a journal like that?” he follows up.

If I didn’t know what I do about him, it would’ve sounded condescending, but that’s not how he means this. He was left out of the fact that this wasn’t a normal journal I was given, and he wants to make sure I understand this is priceless information in my fingertips.

“Yes, he explained it all to me the day he gave it to me. It’s enchanted so that only my magic can open and reveal its words. Even though Gaster created the contents within it and adds to it, he still can’t even access the information inside.”

He nods, then stands up before the knock at the door even comes. The staff soon wheels in food that smells divine and I send Elementra a silent prayer to let me keep it down.

“Did you and Oakly cook while you were with her?” Draken tries to hide the obvious worry out of his voice, but he fails miserably. He’s dying to say so much more but is holding back because he knows I don’t want to talk about anything right now.

“Oakly cooked. I…threw up…didn’t cook.” I have no doubt that Gaster either told them all I’d been physically sick since leaving or it’s just that noticeable I dropped a few pounds in the few days I was gone, but I don’t want to say anything to open that can of worms.

“Eat,” Corentin commands as he hands me my plate piled high with too much food.

I want to throw it at him, but I don’t because, well, I’m salivating smelling it. Soon, awkward silence fills the space again, causing the few bites I’ve taken to feel like lead in my stomach. With a frustrated sigh, I put the plate down beside me and put my hands in my lap. This is getting absurd, and I don’t understand why I still feel like shit when they’re in my space and close enough to make this fucking bond or lure, whatever the fuck it’s called, happy.

“It’ll ease up with touch,” Tillman pipes up with a knowing look.

“Get out of my head.” I snarl back at him.

“I’m not in your head. You’re complaining loud enough for me to hear quite clearly without even trying.” He decides to announce to the room.

“What’s he talking about?” Caspian, Corentin, and Draken all ask at once, making my head spin. Rather than answer, I just shoot Tillman a “thanks a lot, now shut the fuck up” look that does nothing but make him talk more.

“The tension in the room is making her stomach more upset, so she isn’t going to eat. And she’s pissy with the bond for making her act and feel like this.”

“Enough. Could you not do that,” I yell, pissed that he just took it upon himself to tell the room my thoughts.

“No, I will do that. Be mad at us all you want. You have every right to be, but you’re mistaken if you think I’m going to sit here and let you suffer in silence when what you need is an easy fix. All you need to do is let one of us or at least Draken, place a hand on you long enough to calm your nerves.”

This fucker. I can’t believe him. I’m nowhere near eye level with him when I’m sitting, so I jump up from my seat, seething.

“I don’t want that. I don’t want to need one of you to fix this. I want to feel myself again. I want to be in control of my own feelings, emotions, and be able to eat whatever the fuck I want, without having to hold your hand to do so.” My outburst causes the room to erupt into a deadly silence. The only sound heard is me panting in anger, trying to catch my breath.

“Too bad.” Caspian disappears into the shadows, reappearing behind me. Before I can move or even protest, he lays his hand under my shirt over my bare stomach, pulling us back to sit down on the daybed. I try to push away from him, but he only tightens his hold.

“If I don’t get to self-sabotage, neither do you, Primary,” he whispers low in my ear. I can feel the fight draining from me, my nerves calming as my body quivers, and the nauseousness lifts, despite my objections to our current position.

It pisses me off that I finally feel relief. Not that I want to continue being sick or feel like this, but it pisses me off Tillman was right and Caspian’s touch is fixing the problem within seconds. I don’t want to have to rely on them like this.

Corentin stands from his chair, making his way toward us, and for a split second, I think he’s going to put Caspian in his place finally, but instead, he kneels in front of me. Reaching out and grabbing my plate, he stabs a few bites of food on my fork and holds it up to my lips. The stubbornness in me refuses to open my mouth for him, hunger be damned.

“Princess.” His commanding tone holds a hint of warning, but that just adds fuel to my fire, and I continue to refuse him. “It won’t always be like this. I’m sorry the awakening is giving you such a strong reaction. I can only assume it’s because of how strong all of us are, you included. But it won’t always be like this.”

“No, just until I have sex with all of you,” I bite out resentfully.

Caspian’s hand twitches on my stomach, but he doesn’t react otherwise. I can’t see if Tillman or Draken react, but they make no sounds.

Corentin’s mask never slips. I hate that fucking look so much and I hate the fact he can withhold any reaction toward me when he can literally have me melting in his hands no problem.

“Yes, until we complete the bond, it may be like this. But we’ll put it off for however long you want, forever if that’s what you want. Whatever your decision, we’ll make this easier for you however we can.”

Why do my decisions matter now? My decision would’ve been to know the truth from the beginning, then we wouldn’t even be in this situation. My heightened, crazy-ass emotions would’ve never bothered me as much as they are now, nor would me having to rely on them have bothered me at all if they hadn’t lied. I can assure you, I one hundred percent would’ve been on board with being a spoiled princess through the entire awakening process. But now…now there’s a war raging inside of me.

Fight, resist, suffer. Give in, desire, comfort.

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