Page 129 of Gift from the Tree

The many times Donald or my father had me knocking on death’s door, always seemed the more likely way I’d go. Never in my wildest dreams would I have pictured this as my ending. I figured I’d be more scared, petrified, but all I feel now is calm. My sole focus is on him, bringing him back to me before it’s too late.

If he kills me and then wakes up and sees what he’s done, it’ll end him. It’ll end all of them. We may just be getting back on better terms, but this will cut them all to the core. They’ll destroy one another over this.

Trying one last time before I pass out, then ultimately never wake up, I reach my hand up and cup his cheek.

“It’s…me. I’m here…” I manage before dark spots start to appear in my vision, my hand falling limply from his face.

“Tillman, please wake up.” I try to mentally scream, but all it comes out as is a pleading whisper.

“Will… Willow. No,” Tillman hollers as he releases his hands from around my neck and pulls me into his arms. “I’m so sorry, little one, I’m so sorry,” he says as he rocks me back and forth while I take deep breaths, filling my lungs with air.

“Healing…healing vial.” I croak out.

“FUCK,” he shouts, panicking as he sits me down gently and runs to his bathroom, coming back seconds later with two vials, uncapping them both, and pressing them to my lips.

The tingling from the healing vial makes my throat itch, causing a coughing fit to steal the air right back out from my lungs. After a few moments, it slows down and I hoarsely whisper, “Thank you.”

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have been able to hurt you. You’re my Primary. That shouldn’t have happened. Fuck, why didn’t you blast me off?” He frantically paces on the side of his bed, pulling his hair as he goes back and forth. Back and forth.

“Tillman, look at me.” My voice is much stronger now that the healing vials are kicking in. “Look at me,” I demand again. He stops his pacing, staring at me with an expression I’ve never seen on his face. Fear.

“I think my bond blocked me from using my elements on you. I tried. You didn’t know it was me you were hurting, nor did you use your gift or element, or it would’ve stopped you. I’m okay,” I tell him quietly, trying to reassure him.

“You’re not fucking okay. My handprints are bruising your fucking throat, Willow,” he barks, standing there glaring at me with so much guilt and self-hatred, I can feel it bleeding through me.

I climb out of the bed to go to him, but he scoops me up and lays me back down, not allowing me to get a word out, so I grab his hand quickly, forcing him to stay in bed. “Please lie down. Please lie down with me.”

He could’ve easily snatched his hand away from me, but he doesn’t. He hesitates only a moment, then lies down, pulling me onto his chest. His heart’s beating so frantically, it thuds loudly in my ears, and the tremors in his limbs cause my whole body to shake.

“What were you doing in here, Willow? I could’ve killed you,” he chokes out like the thought alone has him about to break and he pulls me up higher on his chest, cuddling me tightly.

“A tugging in my chest woke me up, urging me to get to one of you. There was no ignoring it. I was flooded with feelings of determination, fear, and then loss,” I say softly as I lay my hand on his chest above his heart.

“You felt my feelings from my nightmare?” he asks.

“I didn’t know it was you I was running to. Draken’s asleep, snoring in my bed, so I just knew it was one of you three. So I followed the tugging until it led me in here.”

He holds his breath for a minute, then blows it out, causing pieces of my hair to fall in my face. “That shouldn’t be possible, Will, until we’re fully bonded. Sure, you’d be able to feel some stuff from us, usually if we’re near you in the same area. But for you to know me and Caspian were in trouble and then tonight, knowing something was wrong with one of us, that shouldn’t be possible yet.”

I had thought that already after the mission, but it doesn’t seem like the rules really apply to our Nexus.

“I don’t have the answers for that, Tillman. Nothing about our Nexus is normal compared to others. Other than my crazy emotions, and even those seem more heightened compared to the things I’ve read about any other Primaries.”

“I’ve thought the same thing.” His tone is full of worry. I don’t know if it’s remnants of his nightmare or worry for what’s to come for us. Maybe both.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask after we both fall quiet for a few minutes.

Instead of answering my question, he follows up with one of his own. “What did you see in our awakening?”

I think about those sweet moments of Tillman’s mother rocking him, his chubby baby cheeks and long hair, then his heart breaking over her death. I can’t imagine the pain of losing such a loving mother. Since I never got to know mine, my loss is different. I mourn something I never had.

Then I think about how he kicked ass in his E.F. Lead Instructor and Field Leader trials, how he got to where he is through his own hard work. Nothing was handed to him. Then I blush remembering how he was chasing me in the woods and told me if he caught me, he won.

“I saw you as a baby with your mother, then her funeral. Your E.F. trials, and us, um, training.” I give him the cliff notes version. Our moment hasn’t happened yet, and I don’t want to tell him in case that may change as well.

“So you know that she died but not how. What about Caspian’s awakening?” Pain laces across my heart, and I tense thinking about Caspian’s awakening. But I can’t talk with Tillman about that. I won’t talk with anyone about that but Caspian.

“By your reaction, I know you know what happened to him, so we don’t need to discuss any of that, but it plays a role in what happened to my mom.”

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